coming out to family is getting weird... advice please?

okay so I guess I should start by stating that I officially started coming out this year. It started by only telling friends/acquaintances, but last night I finally came out to my mom.

I opened up to my mom last night because I just felt the need inside my heart to confide in the woman who gave me life.

My mom was incredibly supportive and told me that no matter what I choose, she won't judge me or disown me. but there's something that made me feel a bit uneasy. she told me too "try" things.

That kind of hurt me because it's like she's saying "okay I accept you, but there's a slight possibility that you're still confused and you need to try sex with women".

then i told her to not tell anyone... and whattdaya know... tonight (like literally 5 minutes ago) my sister comes in my room asking whats up.

now, this part is kinda awesome.

So my sister (who can be the biggest bitch on the planet) told me that she will support me no matter what "we are a family... you, mom, (other sister), and dad... and aside from us, no one else matters okay?"

and then my other sister called and they were talking bout some random sh** on the phone and I was the hot topic of the night. so my other sister hangs up and the sister that's in my room starts yappin about me not being with women in my life, and that I could just be confused and that maybe if I get a gf that I'll "turn straight".

oh she also pulled this one on me... "I could set you on a date with a girl who is very shy like you"

at this point, my heart shattered... and I broke down in tears, "you're telling me that you accept me for what i am, but in reality you tell me it's wrong to be who i am?... why does everyone assume I don't know what I want?"


I just told her to go watch "prayers for bobby" to go take a walk in my shoes.

she pulled up the trailer on YT and began to cry and hugged me when she saw the part where bobby ("u know what"... for the ppl who have seen the movie) and she said "i'd much rather you be gay than not have you at all"

ugh... it's always weird when my sister (who can sometimes be the biggest bitch on the planet) starts to show her feelings for me.

all in all, i'm blessed to have my family... their support has been amazing, but it just hurts a bit when they suggest i date a girl... it's like they assume im still trying to figure out if i like vag or not.

another thing that's a bit saddening... is that my dad hasn't really spoken that much to me. I know that he probably figured it out by now (i think my mom told him) but I feel a bit awkward bringing up the subject.

I should also state that I get sensitive when the subject gets brought up... my sister told me that i get aggressive and that they did nothing to provoke me.

Please give me some advice, I am trying to help them understand but I feel a bit invaded and also extremely overwhelmed. I count my blessings for the incredible support I have received from everyone, not just my family.

I want to have the right words to say. I want to say things confidently... and lastly, I want my family to know that I love them. but in the heat of the moment, I get angry and sad when they tell me i need to try a girl.



I hope this house starts to feel like home again, this time things are about me. and I have the right to live my life how i want to.

 

thank you for replying I really appreciate your input. In times like these, I hardly have anyone to talk to... thank you kind strangers.

So, tonight after coming home from work I am in an "okay" mood... I sit down on the couch and my mom says "what if we go to church?" and I nod (nope) and she says "how come you never do anything for me?"

at that point I was "wtffff.... this is about ME... it's ME that is hurting... it's me that feels betrayed" (in my head of course)

then I sat down to eat dinner and she tells me that a family friend is going through a similar situation. this is where I got really defensive and offended and hurt.

"I trusted you mom and you went and told everyone something I wasnt ready to talk about openly"

she then tried to hug me and i pushed her away. I regret this part so much now.

me: "if you're gonna be be like that, then I'm leaving the house".

mom: "no! that would hurt me too much"
"i'm your friend, please don't hate me"

at this point my mind was racing, I was thinking of running to my room and packing my stuff, and I was also thinking of calling a close friend to ask if she could spare me a room for the night.

but neh.

Of course I felt betrayed by my mom, and I felt even more upset that she told a family friend... and the part where she told me I should go to church. All this time I was thinking "damn, am I going to suffer the same fate as Bobby?"

after dinner I stepped outside to the front porch... ready to dial my friend. But, then my dad came outside as well.

Gosh, my father is and will forever remain my hero.

He started out by saying "I will always love you no matter what. No matter who you choose to date. and you don't need to walk around with a sign around your head to label you."

me: "dad, i trusted her... and she flat out made me lose all trust in her... I'm extremely upset... I wasnt ready to tell everyon.."

dad: "no no no no no, what you tell your mother should be discussed as a family... we are a family, your mom didn't betray you... she has too many thing to deal with"

he told me abt mom crying every night because she's been going through menopause and then some other extended family bs (that doesnt involve me at all... and should not involve the immediate family at all... but my mom's side of the family is loaded with drama and that really brings my mom down)

somewhere along my chat with my dad I realized that I should have told him first

we had an adult conversation and he told me a bit more things that I probably didn't want to know about him hahaha.

but anyhow.... in the end he said "i love you, your mom loves you, your sisters love you... whoever you choose to spend the rest of your life with is going to be okay by everyone."

I also learned that my bros in law are very respectful of me. And that I should probably say something to them as well because I seem to have disconnected a bit.

but anyways... thats what went down tonight

I hugged my mom and asked for forgiveness for reacting the way I did earlier.

so yeah.... I think this might be the end of my weird coming out experience

P.S. by "weird" I mean that it's a bit uncomfortable... not that I'm ungrateful for everything that's been happening. I hope my story helps someone else... I hope your parents also have some knowledge of this and can help you the way my parents are doing for me.


oh and btw.... I have cried soooooo much these last couple of nights hahaha I just forget to give all the emotional details hahaha but yeah... so many tears and snot lol

 

@girlpower- thank you for reading my story and thank you for following up with your thoughts I wish for you to find the courage to come out to your family one day. I also hope they receive the news well and support you no matter what. Thank you for your comments

@Linco- I should say that I first "came out" to my parents back in 2011 when I got caught looking through a gay forum on the internet. At the time, I was of course not as mature as I am today so my parents disregarded it as me being confused.

I have know that I am gay since a very young age, since I had a crush on a boy in kindergarten.

I should also state that this year I started therapy. Before therapy I kind of accepted myself... But it was only MY little secret, I didn't let anyone in. Thankfully I am in a position today where I can talk about my sexuality in public without being ashamed.

I expected the reaction from my parents but I wasn't prepared for it... If that makes sense. Which is why I felt the need to write things down to get some perspectives. I respect my parents and they respect me the topic of my sexuality hasn't been discussed at all today and I hope it's continues like this... Not because I dont want to talk about it, but because it's something that really shouldn't matter.

I know that my parents have many questions... And hopefully I am able to answer them.

Thank you for your input I really appreciate it.

Sorry if there's any typos I'm on phone