So...what happens now? Where do I go from here? I must admit from my standpoint the view is not clear at all. Admitting to yourself who you are is one thing...accepting yourself is quite another. How does one that lives the ultimate straight life finally accept that he is gay? That is my paradox. How does the all-American finally accept who he is? That is where I seek your council. For most, finally accepting yourself is liberating--because you finally know where you belong. But for me, it is a very scary place--a dark place where my personal demons continue to dance to music I still cannot hear. How do you deal with this?
I'm not sure exactly but those last two sentences were deep. Lol. Um. I just said "ya know this is me; i'm a fantastic person even though i dig dudes;;" and I thought about that and noticed all the good qualities I have even though I'm nt straight. I think you're afraid of not being perfect; no one is perfect but you aren't anymore flawed just because you're (gay?) And besides you can almost live the ultimate straight life as a gay man;; you can still get married and have kids and fufill dreams you had while you thought you were straight.
You are who you are for a reason. Perhaps you may be the person that shatters what the world thinks of homosexuality. Perhaps you will the one to open someone's mind and heart, ultimately causing them to become a better person than they ever were. Whatever the case, it is you who has been given the blessing/curse, which is also a tool. It is up to you to choose how to use this that has been given to you and whether you create or destroy. Your demons can be overcome, but only bit by bit until the dam breaks and drowns them in light. Don't worry, you are not alone, you are never alone but you must not be afraid, for if you are, you will never overcome the fear that IS demon.
and acceptence will hopefully eventually come now that you have admitted it to yourself. I suppose admittance is the start of the journey that will lead to acceptence. Im in the same boat as u where i have admitted but have finding it difficult to accept but slowly slowly getting there. Have u thought about possibly talking to a proffessional about it?
Remember, just because you're gay doesn't mean you have to change who you are. Not all gay guys are femme. Accepting who you are is simple but it takes time. You just need to say to yourself: "I am who I am, and there's no changing it, so I'm gonna make the best of it." Considering you're here shows you've really already come to terms with it. Now you just have to understand it. Being gay isn't about shopping for shoes or painting your nails. Being gay is sexuality, and that's it. You can be masculine and gay,no problem.
Donatello: So, what happens now? Master Splinter: Nothing, my son. Only the rest of our lives. How does one that lives the ultimate straight life finally accept that he is gay? He continues living his life, that's all. He keeps hanging out with his friends. He keeps going to the sports bars, he keeps ordering beer, and he keeps cheering for his favorite team. But while his friends ogle the cheerleaders, he ogles the quarterback. And when a friend taunts him with, "Do you think Favre is hot?", he smiles and says, "Not until he gets a Packers uniform back on." And everybody laughs and gets back to cheering. How do you get there? Bit by bit. You stare in the mirror every morning and say (or think), "I'm gay." And you do that every morning until you can say it without your heart ending up in your stomach, or sounding like you're admitting to a heinous crime. Until you can say it like you say "I'm a guy" or "I'm six feet tall". When you fantasize or watch porn, you embrace it. You go whole hog into it. You don't think, "I hope nobody ever finds out I like this" or "I can't believe I'm thinking about this". You think, "This makes me really horny, and it feels great." You don't stare at the demons inside you in horror - you take them by the hands and join in their dance, until you hear the song they dance to, and realize that they're actually not demonic after all. And, as Master Splinter suggests, you go live your life. Lex
You're right there. And everyone has to transition from admitting to accepting. We all do that at a different pace, in a different way, and often because of different things. You haven't accepted it yet. That's the thing. You've admitted it, but you're in that transition period between admitting it and accepting it. I think most of us have been there. You're not unique, and you won't be there forever. How did I finally accept it? Not sure exactly. Hanging out in EC certainly helped me. It was the first time I'd interacted with other gay men and women in a natural, open, honest and healthy way. (i.e. not 'cruising' for other guys). The other thing that helped me accept it was the fact that I couldn't change it. Given that I couldn't change it, I needed to accept it and move on. "Resistance is futile!" (Who said that, anyway?) And finally accepting it made my whole life better. I haven't changed who I am. No need to. Same job. Same interests. Same friends and family relations. Only now I'm being honest with myself and I've given up the internal struggle that I carried around for years and years, and that was wreaking havoc with my sense of self. So give yourself some time. Hang around here. You'll get to that acceptance phase sooner than you'd think. Good luck.
I know how ur feeling. All-american kid, trying to accept himself and battling everyone else while still controlling your own feelings.
