Not entirely sure if I should put this here; sorry if this is the wrong section. I don't really need advice, but more along the lines of a pep talk. I am so scared to come out to my mom and I can't even get myself close to doing it, but I told myself I'd get it over with by the time school starts again. So...any motivational words? Thanks so much in advance!
I need someone to give me a pep talk too I thought about telling my parents tonight as my sister was out of the house, but I just...can't. I think I'm going to wait until I move back up to campus, and then come down for a weekend instead. This wasn't much of a pep talk, but thought you should know you aren't alone!
How about telling us what you are so scared off? Before coming out, think about how you are going to come out. Try to envision what it will be like and the questions you might get asked by your Mom. If you can prepare yourself in advance with good, well thought through answers, it will help a lot as you will not be flailing around and reacting in the heat of the moment. When you come out do it with confidence. If you are wracked with fear and anxiety, you will have to dig deep, but try not to let it show. You need to convince your Mom that you are comfortable with your orientation, otherwise she may think you haven't thought about it or are not entirely happy. A confident approach will go a long way. Just remember, your Mom will most likely have no prior knowledge about what you are going to tell her, so her reaction may not be 'perfect'. She may need time to think, process and come around and that's to be expected. If she says something annoying or silly try to understand that it may not be malicious, but a result of being ill informed about LGBT issues. You need to help her with this and that will only happen if you stay calm and don't get angry. Getting stressed and angry will only create a bad and conflicted atmosphere that will totally spoil your coming out to her. When you come out to her, have the contact details for PFLAG to hand as this may be helpful to your Mom as she works through her feelings about your coming out. How are you expecting your Mom to take the news? Tell us more, if you can.
I'm thinking she's going to be pretty okay with the idea of me not being straight, but I don't know how she's going to feel about the fact that I'm pansexual. I know her opinions on bisexuals are less than perfect (she thinks they're just gay people who are afraid to fully admit to being gay) and I don't know if she's going to think I'm just trying to be a 'special snowflake' by saying I'm pansexual. I know I'm safe though. The worst thing that could happen is a slightly negative reaction of confusion or disprovable or something like that. I not entirely sure what I'm scared of. I think it's a mix of judgment and the idea that things might be different from then on. Really, I know nothing too bad could happen but I can't help but be scared.
Thanks for clarifying. It is normal to feel scared as we are taking a walk into the unknown when we tell people, especially parents and we can never be certain of the reaction. Another option is to write a letter to your Mom. Is this something worth considering? With a letter you can take time to compose your thoughts and feelings and say what's on your mind. What do you think?
I've thought of writing a letter, and I've even written one before. I just don't know when I'd give it to her. I feel like it would be awkward, but maybe it really is the best plan of action...
Hi, mom. It’s August now which means school’s just around the corner. Since I’m going to a new school next year I figured that now’s the perfect time to change some things I couldn’t change going to [my old school]. Basically, I want to be myself, and that’s not going to work very well if I’m myself at school but not at home. I’m going to go right ahead and say that I’m pansexual, which means that I’m attracted to all genders (boys, girls, people who identify outside of the gender binary. in other words, gender plays no roll in my attraction to people.) To be completely honest, middle school wasn’t the best time for me. My sexuality was pretty much a constant cause of stress from fifth to eight grade. In fifth grade I had my first real crush, and it was on a girl. I played it off as best as I could, convincing myself that if I were a boy I’d like her, but because I’m a girl that I didn’t. Sixth grade was when I started acknowledging the feelings I had towards girls as less than platonic and just plain, well, gay. But I knew I liked boys, so I couldn’t possibly be gay. I did a little bit of searching online for some help when I came across the term ‘bisexual’ (which is practically the same thing as pansexuality, which I discovered later) and I knew it described me perfectly. From then on it was pretty much just me trying to deny what I knew was true, until the end of eighth grade when I finally accepted myself. I just want you to know that I love you very much and I’m sorry I gave you this letter instead of doing this in person, but I figured it would be the only way I’d be able to make any sense whatsoever. I am perfectly open to questions and whatnot, as well as other members of the family knowing. I want to be completely open from now on. Thank you so much for reading all this and for always being there for me. How does that sound for a coming out letter? Is there anything I should change?
It's very good. Possibly the only small detail I'd change is the word "sorry" in the final paragraph. I don't think you have to be sorry for using a letter. Let us know how it goes
