Hi, I recently joined EC and finally get to post my first forum. I hope people who answered the forum we get in touch or what not. Glad to join in and meet other LGBTQ here. Right now, I'm just nervous and tensed up just to ask this question. We've been really close, I met him right after I moved to Malaysia from Canada in 04/05 since then we've been more like brothers than best friends. Even I seem to move a lot in the country (now living in the same neighborhood as he) and spending less time with him, we still managed to keep our friendship alive, managing to contact/see each other. Both of us are now in our 20’s, he is studying in Australia while I'm doing he same here in Malaysia (later in Canada). We are very different but we still share the same things in common. I realized that I was Gay (Bi) after 2 years of going through the puberty and stuff. I kept that conclusion to myself until I can open up my closet at the right time – but I just want to carefully slowly open to a few people for now, starting with my best friend. Back then I had feelings for him, having romantic fantasies and such, but I got over it because I had no reasons to be with him or really intended to because he is 100% straight. Even I have sometimes that lusty romantic feelings for him, I can just really control my mind and let go. He even told me that he’s eyeing over some girl in Australia, and so.. that’s that. I think at some point he knows that I’m gay maybe from the things that I act/think/say. I recalled asking this question at his place (whether I was a top or a bottom- meaning gay or straight), then I bluntly and nervously said ‘’maybe’’ (I know its such a stupid way to say). Another time when me and him was watching South Park in his room, with tons of gay references inside. Its seems like he is indirectly showing me gay stuff with me so I could open up, maybe. If he knows or somewhat hints that I’m gay, then I thought it would be the right time to say it. I’m not that flamboyant type, I’m just the average me. I just want to tell him so I can just let it off my chest, him being the first one to tell and being the only one I could trust – or even having that support system. But I’m just more scared and worried that I would loose him or being rejected, ridiculed or mocked because of my sexuality. He’s the only family that I got out my blood, the only friend that I have. I wouldn’t expect anything out our friendship after telling him - that’ll be like breaking our bro code. I believe it’s the right time to tell him because he is very open minded about things in general, like the time when I told him that I left religion and gladly he accepted it, in spite of being a conservative raised Muslim (sometimes a little Jesus jokes etc.) but I’m hopping that he accepts the same with my homosexuality and treating me the same before I told him. I’m considered prepared for the scenarios after telling him. I want to tell him by Thursday before he flies back to Australia. Do you really think its worth telling or do I just to let time fly until he finds out that I'm gay? I can feel the emotional impact between these 2 extremes, feeling stuck between 2 directions. I am even more nervous to talk to him now than before, like today for buying his sister a burger and cheesy wedges, I just wanted to talk privately with him and openly say it but I was so nervous I decided to call it for another time. I hope that you have a similar story that I am facing with. :icon_sad: Help.
It's definitely scary to come out to someone who is really important to you, but if you think you can build up the courage to do it, I think you should. People like when you trust them and are open with them, so if you tell him directly, instead of just waiting for him to find out, he will appreciate your honesty. If you do think he'll be accepting, and it does sound like he will, then that's great! If you're not sure, or if you just want reassurance, you can test the waters a bit. Casually bring up the topic of gay/bi people, and see how he reacts and what he says. If he responds positively, you can be more confident that he will respond well when you come out to him. If he responds negatively, you can wait to come out to him until later, or if you choose to come out to him anyway, you can prepare yourself for his response. I was terrified to come out to my best friend, who was raised by a fairly conservative Christian family. I knew she was okay with gay people, but not didn't necessarily think it was natural, so I wasn't entirely sure how she would react. She responded well, and I'm glad I told her. I'm sure it will be fine for you as well! Good luck!
I know you might now want to hear this but when it comes down to it, your assumption as to how things will turn out is the best there is. I'm sure a lot of us LGBT+ people have had feelings for a close, straight friend and it can be a really frustrating feeling. And on top of that, wanting to coming out to them can just add to it and make it more scary. If you feel that you are ready to come out, I say go for it. There's always risk in coming out to someone but telling him yourself is a lot more meaningful then waiting for him to find out. The first person I told was one of my closest guy friends and while it was awkward for a bit, things settled. If I had some pieces of advice to say, it'd be: 1. Don't make a big deal out of it. It will only make the other person think it's some drastic change in your friendship. 2. Be ready. There is rarely a "perfect time" but there are better times. You need to prepared mentally and they need to be in a mood that will let them listen. I really hope all goes well. While I don't have that much experience myself, coming out can be a very exhilarating experience. It doesn't always turn out great, but you need to be proud of yourself for making progress no matter what. Good luck!
