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Mom: "You and you future wife..."

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TotallyConfused, Aug 6, 2014.

  1. TotallyConfused

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    Hi to everyone, and thank you for reading.

    I actually came out to only 3 person, one of them outed me, so I became more careful to who I tell. In my family, I would say my father is more accepting one and cool with stuff. As a normal 14/15 years old, it's normal to talk about dating stuff, and when me and my parents chat, my mother often came across the phrase, "when you got married" or "you and your future wife", Everytime I hear that phrase I stop speaking, I feel extremely guilty that have such expectation on me, and feel like she isn't that supportive,

    The part that puzzles me the most, is that my mom actually caught me staring at a poster with a muscle guy on it (I was 7, I have no idea what gay was, but I knew its not normal, so I said I wanna look like that guy).

    Thinking back now, I think she should have picked up? Is she saying the married thing to see how I react? I'm not really liking it, I feel like either she is not that accepting of it, and doesn't want to believe it, or that she actually doesn't have a clue at all.

    Personally, I actually hope one of them realized it and talked to me, because by then, they'd probably already got pass the sad/unhappy part, and I'd have someone to chat with.

    I don't feel like coming out to anyone anymore by now (I start having feeling for girls, not sexually, but the feeling towards boys is a lot stronger, what should I do? Should I just wait or go have a little chat with my dad?

    Sorry if this sounds confusing, I have no clue as to what's happening to me anymore.
     
  2. Rainbows~Exist

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    Your dad seems more supportive so if you were to tell any family members about it I would start with him. Your mother on the other hand... seems like she doesn't know anything and just assumes your straight. What you need to know is that you don't have to rush to come out. Take your time and explore your sexuality as you don't seem so sure of it at the moment. However if your ready I'd tell your father first and see if he'd be willing to tell your mother if you don't have the courage to.
     
  3. olides84

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    First of all, I think you can forget about what happened when you were 7. You made up a good excuse, and I doubt your mom would pick up on that.

    Look, 90+% of people are straight, and so your parents like most of society as a whole are simply gonna assume that you are too, unless you tell them otherwise or they are extremely observant or maybe you are extremely flamboyant. I think we ALL get those things said to us by parents, grandparents, teacher, etc. So again, I don't think her saying these things is something to get worked up about. It's just her assumption that you'll get married to the opposite sex, and it's usually a pretty good one until she knows different.

    As for coming out, of course only you can determine the right time and how and who and all that. If it's bothering you a lot and you wanna start slow and talk with your Dad, then you obviously can do that. But yeah, if they don't have a clue, then your parents expectations will be changed. And that's ok. But if you want to take your time and figure things out more and get more confident, that's cool as well. Just follow your own path, and try not to get too frustrated by people assuming different things about you.
     
  4. Jguy365

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    I feel you. I have a female friend who my mom loves and adores, and she keeps talking about when I marry her...well, she might just end up having to be just as satisfied with a male friend of mine. At this point, though, it could go either way.
     
  5. Damien

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    I don't have much experience in coming out, I mean I only just accepted my bi / pansexuality four months ago, and I'm 45 now...just wanted to say, that being gay is not only ok, but is a wonderful thing, and not to let society or even your mother's expectations get to you. It's your life to live, and you certainly would not be letting anyone down if you never got married. Just wanted to say, you are totally and absolutely ok just as you are, whatever your sexuality is, or turns out to be as you discover it on life's journey.