I know I shouldn't let my mother's reactions get to me, but I can't help it. It has been over 2 months since I came out to her. I've been doing much better since then and I'm finally more accepting of myself. But today I was talking with her again and it's still the exact same conversation. It's like talking to a broken record. I mention a humorous thing that was obviously a sign that I like girls in hopes of helping her adjust to the idea, and maybe even laugh about it. But she quickly writes it off as something all girls do. I mention checking out hot girls she says all girls do that. Any time I mention anything about my attraction to women, she somehow finds a way to invalidate it. I know it's just the bargaining talking, but it hurts. It really hurts. I even told her that it makes me feel like she's belittling my attraction. She just responded, "no its not belittling." It's really getting to me and I know I shouldn't let it. I've been accepting of myself for almost 2 solid weeks, and I don't want to fall back into doubting myself. I just wish she would accept me as easily as my dad did. I told him I like girls and the occasional guy, and he has been perfectly fine with it. He didn't even bat an eye when I told him. And, I know, I know, I shouldn't compare coming outs because everyone will process the news differently; but it's really making it difficult to be 100% accepting of myself when my mom keeps trying to write of my attractions to women as trivial. I wish she would consider my attraction to men trivial instead of my attraction to women. Not mention that the slight attraction that I feel for men reinforces her belief that I'm straight and just going through as phase. She hasn't said that directly, but reading between the lines, I'm pretty sure that thought is in the back of her head, considering she also thinks something turned me gay. I've even tried to direct toward resources, but she's afraid of getting porn adds if she looks at LGBT websites . It just makes me sad that my mother isn't fully accepting of me, especially when I thought she would be. . . I don't know what more I can do. I know these things take time, but its been over two months and hardly anything has changed... :help:
Seems like she's just going to need more time. In the mean time, there are a few things you can do to help her along. It is a mystery to me why she would think she would get porn ads if she goes to informational LGBT websites. Either she is getting this information from some terribly inaccurate sources or it's just an excuse, but either way, you can try copying some relevant pages from a good website and emailing them to her. That way there will be no reason to fear the possibility of porn ads, and if she makes more excuses, you'll just have to work around those too until she runs out Also, try just sitting her down and telling her how you feel. Tell her that it hurts you when she tries to trivialize your orientation. Give compelling evidence that your attraction to women isn't trivial (e.g. if you've had crushes on girls since you were very young, that can help show that it isn't insignificant and it's not just a phase). Tell her that you understand that this is hard on her. Ask her how she's feeling about this whole thing, and ask her if there's any way you can help make this easier for her.
The PFLAG website has some good information on it. That's all I have to add to what darkcomesoon said.
Thanks for the responses everyone She's looked up a few things, but I think the main thing that's getting to me is her writing off my attraction to women as something trivial; something all straight girls experience. I guess I should just try my best to ignore it until I go back to college in 3 weeks.
I'm not saying this will be your parents, but it has took my parents over 4 plus years to even come close to accepting me....... It just takes some people time
It just takes time, she'll learn to accept it because no matter if she wishes it werent true it wont change it. (like my aunt she still constantly asks me about males and says "what makes you think you like women".) Sometimes people just dont understand or they just dont want to. But the only answer to that is that wonderful "time".
Speak to your dad about it. Ask your mum plain out if she has a problem with you liking girls, and if she says no then explain clearly and, while keeping a stand, tell her that that's exactly what she and her behaviour have made you feel. She and your dad need to know how her reaction to this is affecting you.
My mom has been about the same since I came out to her, and it's been about six and a half months. It can take a really long time...
People often think that the LGBT community is nothing but a bunch of sexual deviants. Because when religious thought ruled society, (and in many ways it still does), that's how they thought. That's probably why she thinks she's going to get porn ads, because in a lot of minds LGBT is just some kind of messed up sex culture, and not just people who fall in love like anyone else. I don't think it would be a good idea to let her slowly accept that you are mentally involved in a messed up sex culture, but make sure she gets educated on the reality of who LGBT really are.
Thanks guys I really appreciate the support (*hug*) I know its going to take her time to adjust to, I think it just makes it harder considering I thought she'd be completely accepting. (Not to mention, she thinks she's accepting . . . but thats besides the point.) She said she's having a hard time getting over the stereotypes, which I can understand. I did too. . .
