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I don't think I'll ever be able to come out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by happy800, Aug 8, 2014.

  1. happy800

    happy800 Guest

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    Hi everyone.

    I am fully out to a few of my closest friends. At first it was very difficult, I didn't want to talk about it, and fast forward a few months I am happy to talk to them about it. I told another friend tonight and it didn't bother me whatsoever! So I have fully come to terms with it, I am a gay man.

    However I am struggling with my not so close friends knowing, being the center of attention is something that I've never wanted to be... and you know gossip spreads so fast I feel like this is what I'll be.

    To be honest, I am quite unhappy about not being able to live my life (I'm 21), with my last year of uni approaching and they have an LGBT society, should I just go for it?

    Family is another reason, although there's an openly gay person in my family... I really don't know why I can't just come out to them :/
     
  2. Anonymous777

    Anonymous777 Guest

    The process of coming out is a very difficult one. I'm still in the closet to everyone.

    But you have been able to come out to some of your closer friends. That's a very important step.

    I think you should fully come out when you feel comfortable to do it. If you think this is the moment, then go ahead. If you're not prepared, you don't have to rush your decision.

    What you decide to do is right.

    :thumbsup:
     
  3. burg

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    its a normal reaction especially if you are like me and hate being the center of attention.the sense of vulnerability exposing yourself is pretty intense.i think the lgbt group sounds like a good idea especially if you want a connection to the lgbt community.
     
  4. rainshadow

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    I think you've already made some good strides. Being able to tell close friends is a huge step in my opinion. Like burg, I have a hard time being the center of attention, talking about myself, or being vulnerable.

    I think the lgbt group sounds like a great idea! :slight_smile:
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    Although you experienced some nerves and anxiety about telling people (your friends) it seems you feel a great deal more comfortable around them, now they know. Is that a fair comment?

    For many gay people, myself included, it was a huge relief to unburden myself of the secret. Yes, the prospect was frightening as it was a step into the unknown and I was well outside my comfort zone. I had no idea how people would react, I had no idea if people would change towards me or if I would be the subject of gossip, but I just thought "to hell with it.. I'm doing it" and it made such a difference to have that weight lifted.

    So, I guess you are in a similar situation - do you bite the bullet and tell more people now or do you wait? The choice is yours, but I can only reiterate that it was a relief for me and I hope it would be for you.

    You've gathered some momentum on your coming out journey, so would it be better to keep it going? You clearly have some good friends to fall back on, which is more than some can say.

    Nobody can make the decision for you, but I hope my thoughts might help you decide.

    Best of luck - let us know how it goes if you tell more people. :slight_smile:
     
  6. happy800

    happy800 Guest

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    Thank you all for your replies :slight_smile:

    And Linco your comment is true, I do feel more comfortable around them and they are happy that I could trust them. I have decided to meet up with a friend next week and she will be the last person I actually decide to tell.

    Hopefully I'll get to the stage then where it's a case of if someone asks I'll just be honest about it, and go about my life without caring what others have to say :slight_smile:
     
  7. PatrickUK

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    Just an additional thought.. some people choose to come out in writing because they find it easier to get their thoughts down on paper or in an e-mail. I don't know how you would feel about that?
     
  8. LostLion

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    Kinda the opposite situation of me. I usually find myself as the center of attention - but, it's not a personal focus on me, so I can understand where you are coming from.

    I hate talking about myself, but I like being the center of attention (in a good way) so I can talk about causes or political issues important to me.