So I know I'm ready to come out to her, but I'm not sure when I should tell her. I could either tell her when we are both home for the summer, 3 more weeks, or tell her once we get back to college. (we're from the same hometown & we were friends in high school) Anyways I'll write out my pros and cons, and I'm just curious to have some outside opinions. Telling her at home Pros +It's less time that I have to keep a secret from her. +I don't have school or work to worry about right now. +It gives her time to process before school starts. Cons - if she takes it poorly it's harder to have an escape plan, since we have to drive to meet up. - I can't talk to anyone in person if things go badly. They probably won't, but my best guy friend lives in a different state, and I'm done with talking to my mom about these things. She's just not that supportive. Telling her back on campus Pros +I'll have my best friend to talk to if things go badly +I'll have the GSA if things go badly +It's easier for us to hang out Cons - We're going to be living in the same dorm so I'll be seeing her around more. If things go poorly or get awkward when I tell her she'll have less time away from me to process. She's on a different floor, but still. - I'm already going to have school to worry about, and will be stressing over coming out to other people besides her. It's a pretty even split. Which do you think is a better time and environment?
i would say probably the drive to college, if she takes it poorly i think she still would need time to process it
We're actually not driving back together. I think we're flying up on different days. We have to drive to like 15 min to get to each other's houses in our hometown. But telling her when we're home that's been what I've been leaning towards. Not only because it gives her time to process, but because of no school to worry about. But my mom told that it would be better to wait . . . so I don't know.
If you're ready to tell her, do it when you think it's the best time. I'm not the most appropriate person to give advice, since I haven't come out yet. In my case I'm not ready to take that step at this moment. Anyhow if you have decided to tell her definitely, I would do it sooner rather than later to stop worrying about it. But it's your decision. As I told you before, do it when you feel it's the right moment. By the way, do you think she will be supportive?
I hope so. I know she won't respond with homophobic remarks or disgust (at least I hope not, that would be out of character for her). I honestly don't know how she'll react. Part of me wonders if she already knows, seeing as I came out to her as asexual 8 months ago. . . and have made comments on and off about not being sure of my feelings for guys for 2 years. But then again she still seems to think I like guys. So I'm guessing she'll be surprised, maybe slightly taken aback, but supportive.
hi! saw your post and just wanted to share my opinion. i think if anything the sooner the better. if you ask me if you do it in your hometown which i think has the element of having her be where she is most comfortable. i think doing it back at your school will have her stressing about something other than her studies (which in my opinion is a pretty big con btw) and to me, coming out should be just as much about the other person you're telling as it is about you. the way i did it i took my best friend surfing and made a day out of it since we both love to surf and when we got to the point where we could be a bit serious i told him and he was happy for me. i think you should pick a nice day and just have some fun which will put her at ease and then when the time is right, you know like while you're reminiscing about how much fun you've had over the years, you relay to her about you sexual preferences. at least that's how i think would be the best way to do it. those are my two cents but whatever conclusion you come to, i hope it goes well!
Thanks for all of your response everyone But I have another pondering, question, thing-ing and am curious of if anyone else ever had to deal with this. How to come out to your best friend while avoiding telling them that you like them? I'll probably talk mostly about how I realized . . . especially since I'll have explain to her how I was wrong in thinking I was asexual. And if she asks who I like I have other people I can mention, but I don't want to let it slip that I like her or that I have feelings for her. Advice?
I've done this, and it went fine. It's really the same as telling someone else. Confide in them, and tell them how you feel. It'll likely strengthen the bond between you two anyways (it did for me, at least).
I have never had to deal with that. However, if I were you, I would try to be as calm as possible and to create a relaxed athmosphere so that you and your friend feel comfortable. I know it's difficult to do that. You also could imagine you're talking to any other friend and give her some details (as you said how you realized, how you felt when you found it out, etc.). If she asks you about who you like, you can mention other people. I think you´ll get by when you do it. :icon_wink
Thanks you guys I really appreciate all of your support and feedback. (*hug*) I think I'll be able to put on a poker face and avoid showing my feelings, but now I have another slight hiccup in my plan. She doesn't know if she'll be able to get together before we go back to school. I didn't tell her I needed to talk about anything when I texted, I just asked if she wanted to get together, but I think i'm going to text her again in a few days and say something like this: "Hey : ) I was just wondering if you were able to find any time to get together before we go back? I have something I should probably tell you before we get back into the craziness of school. Its nothing serious, don't worry, its just a neutral thing, but I'd rather tell you in person." How does that sound? Is that too obvious? Too worrisome? Too open ended? What do you think?
I like it, only for the fact that she might say "why can't you tell me via Facebook/Skype/phone?". She might ask "well, if it's so important, why can't you just call me?". It's not like you're going to be taking up a huge slot in her day. If she values you that highly as a friend, then surely she'll be able to allot some time for you and her to talk. So in that regard, I think that this message is fine .
Thanks Thats probably exactly what she'll say, haha. Yeah, if she absolutely has no time, I'd probably be ok just calling her, but telling her in person is preferable. She's still has yet to see some other good friends this summer and is juggling a job, so she does have a bit of a tight schedule. If she pushes I think I'll just repeat, "I'd prefer to tell you in person, but if you don't have time then I'm ok telling you over the phone."
