1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Coming out in a foreign country

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BeautifulStranger, Sep 6, 2008.

  1. BeautifulStranger

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2007
    Messages:
    917
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jukjeon-dong, Yongin-si
    Okay
    Back in the US, everyone knows I'm gay because I have that annoying accent that gives me away.

    Anyways, I'm in Germany for the year, and no one knows I'm gay, with the exception of my American friends and my host-parents. It doesn't bother my host-parents at all. In fact, Mama held me while I cried about my boyfriend leaving for Army Training and said "My poor son..."

    But at school it's so different. No one is open about their sexuality at all, except for the heterosexuals, but that's a given. Kids always ask me: Hast du eine Freundin? (Do you have a girlfriend?)
    I smile and say no.
    And then on an outing with my biology class I was talking to a girl and she made a comment about my ear piercings. She said: In Germany, if a teenage boy has piercings, he's gay!! But, you're not gay!
    She then laughed. So I told her that my nose used to be pierced. She gave me a really weird look and said: In Germany, only gay men have their nose pierced...

    Plus, program coordinators talked to me about being so open about my sexuality. They said it's safer in smaller towns (like Gera, where I spent one month), but in larger places like Bremen (where my year placement is) I had a good chance of being attacked and potentially raped. Naturally, this really upset me, so I dyed my fabulous florescent pink hair black. I didn't want to be a neon sign saying "I'm gay!" if it meant I could be raped.

    So does anyone have experience in a situation like this?
     
  2. -Michael-

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,126
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Middlesbrough, North-east England
    So basicly you'd make the best german puff ever?

    awwwh i feel so sorry for you...
    Im afraid (or thankful) i havnt been in such a situation.

    Just go with what you feel.
    and especially with what it safe for you.
     
  3. Ben

    Ben
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2008
    Messages:
    1,301
    Likes Received:
    0
    It doesn't sound safe for you to come out, and in certain situations it is best to stay in the closet. Maybe for your duration in Germany it would be best to keep your homosexuality quiet, maybe only telling your closest friends.
     
  4. BeautifulStranger

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2007
    Messages:
    917
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jukjeon-dong, Yongin-si
    That's what I was thinking, but a lot of kids have added me on Facebook (I made the mistake of joining my Gymnasium's network) and on Facebook, I openly discuss my sexuality with my American friends, so the information there is open for them to see.
    It's really only a matter of time, I guess.
     
  5. Ben

    Ben
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2008
    Messages:
    1,301
    Likes Received:
    0
    You could always leave talking about your sexuality to outside of facebook, your American friends would understand. And it should be fine anyway as long as you aren't too open about being gay in Germany.
     
  6. Corny

    Corny Guest

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Messages:
    620
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Ok .. I have no clue where the fuck she got *that*. It was said during the 80s that men with pierced ears are gay .. but that was already outdated when i was in school and lots of boys ran around with pierced ears. Today even the worst macho asshats who would punch you in the face if you would ask them if they are gay wear earrings.


    Did some of the german coordinators say that? If so *please* PM the programs name or contact details. I can't remember anything being in the news about any gay rape at all. It does happen though that some haters shout stupid things at you, or bump into you or whatever. But overall I would say it's not worse here than anywhere else .. more better. I was just in Bremen two weeks ago, and so far it seemed safe to me and my boyfriend, we didn't have any problems at all. But friends told us that Bremen also has some bad quarters, but most bigger towns have those. Just walk around with open eyes, and nobody would recognize you as being gay just because of some pierced ears. And even with pink hair, many people would just assume that you are "emo".
    I'm / we are in the Ruhrgebiet, and while we often get some strange looks, nothing potentially dangerous ever happened. In Düsseldorf, Cologne or Berlin it's becoming pretty common to see some gay couples in the streets.
    Solltest du weitere Fragen haben - frag mich :wink:

    [edit]
    addendum: actually i think it's more "dangerous" in smaller towns, especially in eastern germany. most hate-crimes during the past years took place in one of those.
     
  7. Derek the Wolf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2008
    Messages:
    1,126
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Illinois
    I'd focus on your safety for right now. That doesn't mean completely hiding or lying about your sexuality, just downplaying it. If you have to lie to a couple people about it to protect yourself as a whole, then try not to feel guilty about it. You need to take care of yourself right now. Don't worry about what they think, just what they do.
     
  8. BeautifulStranger

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2007
    Messages:
    917
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jukjeon-dong, Yongin-si
    Yeah... that's exactly what I thought.
    And I'm pretty skeptical over the information I've been told. Neither of the coordinators who talked to me are gay, so it's not like they have personal experience.
    And my host parents, who live in Bremen and know it better than those coordinators, only had concerns over stuff like: We're not comfortable taking him to gay bars...
    None of their concerns were over my safety.
     
  9. byeee

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    HB
    Well, I couldn't say exactly how it is for you since my situation is a bit different but I'll just share my PoV.
    I've been living in Bremen for a year now (Uni) and so far I haven't seen negative attitudes from people- and of course, I mean when seeing two guys holding hands or something similar.
    There might be a slight difference, since I spend most of my time on campus, but all in all Bremen has a pretty big gay community... I wasn't here for the gay parade in spring, but people told me it was quite packed. And there's a bunch of gay bars downtown, and gay parties in not-so-gay bars.
    I've heard some rumours about certain neighbourhoods being a bit unsafe, but I can't confirm that. I tend to stick to populated areas when it's late.
    As for the "you're going to be raped" rumour, that's something I noticed from a few people. One specific example I remember is a tour guide in Hamburg mentioning how gay guys would hit on you if you were in the 'Rainbow Area' (or something, I don't remember the name well). I was in that area a bunch of times and I think it's just a silly story- if you ask me, it's something straight people make up when they go to gay bars out of curiosity and nobody hits on them.
    I'd say it's safe to just be yourself and not care about what people think- there are a whole lot of Germans (sorry, no offense intended) that dress up in the weirdest of ways- and I'm not just talking about Punker/Rocker/whatever groups that you might see sometimes, I'm just talking about people (young people, to be exact) you see on the street.
     
  10. BitterEdge

    BitterEdge Guest

    I'm having a similiar problem in greece. although I am not openly out to all just a few people.