(Title should be "how to deal with my mom") Hi guys, I'd really like some perspective on the situation I find myself in right now. I'm gay and I'm not out to my family, though I'm pretty sure they know. Lately I've moved back into my parents place over the summer, and my mom has been on my back constantly asking me about if I have a girlfriend, who I hang out with, why I don't have a girlfriend, etc. The other day I overheard a conversation she had with her friend on the patio beneath my bedroom window and she was talking to her about how she suspects that I'm gay, and now her friend said that she would help her to try to figure it out. And then yesterday my mom's friend started asking me questions about my personal life. Also, every time I'm out somewhere with my mom she is constantly watching my eyes to see if I'm checking somebody out and every time there is a group of girls checking me out she has to drop a comment about it to see how I will react. Sure , I am gay, and I really want to come out to my parents, but I still have trouble accepting myself and I'm still not even out to all of my closest friends. I feel pretty upset that my mother is viewing my sexuality as some kind of mystery that she has the right to know the truth about. I find it disrespectful that she keeps discussing my sexuality openly with her friends as if it is some kind of problem. Even though she may be accepting of homosexuality I don't feel that she respects my privacy. I feel further away from emotionally than I ever have before, and this just makes me pull back even further. I have know what to feel or how to tackle this situation.
Hej! Unfortunately, based on personal experience, your family might have an idea about your sexuality than you may realize. They live with you and practically see you do everything, know everything about you. They know you the best out of anyone. What I suggest is for you to confide in a friend. Think of that one friend with whom you could do that. That way, if your family reacts negatively to what they were suspecting all along it appears, you being gay, then you can get the heck out of their sight and go stay with your friend. Or a family member that will accept you, despite the worst that might happen. This is all to say that the worst does happen. I don't understand why your mom cares if you have a girlfriend or not. I just say "well, it's not financially possible for me to date someone right now" regardless of gender. Look, you said that you had trouble accepting yourself. That's okay! You're gay. Guess what you're not?! A murderer, thief, drug addict, drug dealer, pedophile, rapist, baby daddy, malicious bigoted person whom everyone hates and can't stand. You're none of those things! So why should you worry. Being gay is far from bad. Be proud of yourself and think of it as no more than your Swedish nationality. Or someone being a leftie. Or someone having red hair. No one cares. Be happy that there's only one of you and that you are definitely important, regardless of your sexual preference. If your mom is so concerned about your sexual preference and whom you're dating, then she needs to get a life. Sorry, but that should be a minute, subtle thing about you which shouldn't matter. You're still her son and your sexuality shouldn't get in the way of your relationship with her. As for your sister, tell her to mind her own business. Why would that, or *should* that affect your relationship with you? Like your mom, if she cares so much about your sexuality, she needs to get a life and not care about whether you're gay or not. You're her brother regardless. I know that this is long winded, but your thread really got me thinking a lot and into a pensive mood.
She knows you are gay; she is just in the denial stage. It is time to confirm it to her and tell her that you you do NOT appreciate her talking about your sexuality with her friends, like it is some hot gossip story. Also, that there is no point in her constantly asking you about girl friends. Also, that if she wants to hear about your boyfriends in the future and perhaps meet them, then she should accept the fact that you are gay, and find something else to worry about because that is not going to change, no matter whether she likes it or not.
