Heyo, so I've been contemplating coming out for quite a while now, and I finally feel like I'm in a place where I'll be comfortable telling at least 2 or 3 of my closest friends. I know they'd accept it, yet there's still something holding me back. I think it's the fear of everything changing between us, and I'm terrified of losing them. Anyway, as if coming out isn't terrifying enough, I've recently developed a friendship with a great girl. We've known each other for around 7 years, but it's only in the last year an a half or so that we've got really really close. We talk all day, everyday and call each other pet names. We've had rumours in school about us being a couple (basically cos I'm the most obvious gay everrrr despite being super closeted). Those rumours made her really uncomfortable (but thinking back, my first gay rumour made me flip out). Anyway, the we've joked before about how if we were actually in a relationship, nothing would really change. I know she's super straight, but recently she's taken things to another level like constantly touching me, rubbing my legs, playing with my hair etc. The other night, I found myself being turned on by this, and I panicked. I don't like her in that way, and I know I don't. Plus, even if I did, she's straight, so nothing would come of it. I'm really scared though that when I do come out, people will think that there's actually something going on between us, or that she'd freak out big time. Basically, I don't know how to deal. I'm just really scared and confused, and any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance PS I apologise if this is in the wrong section :/
Hello there LifeAsWeKnowIt, you sound like you've come to terms well with your sexuality, to say the least. When it comes to telling people about your sexuality, it is always best to not make a fuss out of it. The more drama you put into it, the more provoked other people will be to acting the same. If you act calm and collected, people will both: - Understand that it is a serious part of you - Be less inclined to feel worried and scared that you might change. When it comes to other people changing... it happens. Sadly not everyone will be completely okay with it and may need some time to adjust, or may never adjust. Often it is best to let go of friends who can't be supportive, because true friends are friends no matter what (I know you've probably heard this a million times). If you decide to come out to this girl, make sure that you express how you have no intentions of being with her and understand completely that she is straight and therefore you know the boundaries for relationships. If you just tell her you're gay, the first thoughts are immediately that you are attracted to them, since they wonder why they are being told the information. Finally, if you decide to be fully open to everyone around you about your sexuality, it is okay to answer questions, be prepared for them. It is better to state to someone that there's nothing going on between you and your friend rather than letting the rumors spread around. Good luck and I hope the best for you, if you ever have any follow-up questions, I'd be happy to answer them here or on my profile in the future if you have any specific ones. : ) Compute .
...talk talk talk... Come out... blah bla blah... "And I just want you to know that I think you're a super great friend but I'm afraid you're not my type."
