Wellness/Health Paper

This quarter in our Wellness/Health class, we are studying about suicide, depression, violence, drugs/alcohol etc. Well yestererday, our teacher assigned us this essay/poem. The formatting is based off of MLK's letter from Birmingham jail. Every stanza starts with "When..." and the very last stanza ends with "Then..." We are supposed to write about a topic that is based on a struggle that we currently have, or have had in the past. Here is the example she provided for us from a past student:

When the screeching of the alarm clock wakes your eyes at 5 am.
When baggy-eyed customers impatiently ask, "is my coffee ready yet?"
When your feet feel as if they will explode from your shoes and you cannot take another step.
When your friends leave messages on your cell, laughing and talking about going to a party as the grinding beans are giving you a pounding headache.
Then you will know what it is like to work full-time at a coffee shop.

Here is my problem - I really want to write about the struggle of being a closeted homosexual. But by turning in this paper, I would have officially came out to my teacher. I guess that's not a bad thing, but just the fact of coming out to someone for the 1st time is kind of overwhelming. Especially if she doesn't take it well. Although she doesn't really act like she is agaisnt any minorities, and she has actually made an example and said that she dislikes it when people use the word "gay" in the wrong way, like saying "that shirt is so gay". She is going to cut all our names off and post these all around the room so that people can read it. I want people to read this so that they know what it is like in all our heads. So they know our struggle.

Here is my question to you guys - should I write this paper about the struggle of closeted homosexuals and come out?

 

Hmm interesting... I guess I never really thought of people actually trying to figure out whos was whos. The way I saw it, people would just go around reading them and wonder who wrote each one, not actually try to figure out who wrote it. But I guess reading one that talks about being gay is kind of different isn't it? Perhaps I should ask my teacher. After I thought about it, I don't really find it a problem talking to her about it.

About posting it on the boards, I will surley do that. I was brainstorming some things today and here is what I have so far. No particular order, nor organization. It's copied right from what I was writing, so some of them might be kind of repetitive. Tell me what you guys think, and I would love for some more ideas as well .

-When every word that is spoken must be fully thought out before you say it, so that no one will think anything of you.
-When you are always afraid to express your true feelings.
-When at the time you first realize it, you are in constant confusion.
-When you live in a country that is trying to take away your rights for equality.
-When your soul is drowned with emptyness.
-When your peers use words that affend you, but you are too afraid to say anything because of what they might think of you.
-When you are always asking yourself the same questions, "Am I?" and "Why? Why me?"
-When you feel so empty inside, you think you are the only one different in this world.
-When you think you are all alone in this world.
-When you want to talk about your feelings so bad, you go to the one being you know will listen - your dog.
-When you want to love someone you know you cannot have.
-When you isloate yourself from everyone else so that you don't have to express your feelings.
-When you have a constant secrete controling every aspect of your life.
-When on the outside you seem perfectly normal, but deep down inside there is a constant bother.
-When you wish you could scream out two simple words, but the words just don't come out.

Thats it for now. Suggestions welcomed!

 

does anyone want to suggest any other ideas as to what feelings are going through our heads?

 

Well we turned in our papers today. I talked to my teacher after class today, and she was very comforting. She told me that just this year, 3 people have came out to her and they were all sophomores! (like me) She asked me a few questions, like if I had told anyone, and if I felt like I was moving away from my friends and people. I told her I was like that last year, but I am much better this year. She also asked if I wanted to talk to the counsoler, but I told her I was ok.

About the paper, I told her it was fine with her puting it up because she has a composite of all her wellness classes and not just ours.

I just realized that many gay people are not happy and I think my teacher was talking to me like I am not happy. I must thank this site for helping me except myself and especially all the posters for showing me that I am not all alone in this world.

 

For those of you who suggested I post it, here it is, this is what I turned in and tomorrow she will put them on the wall. Hopefully more people will understand what it is like to be us.


When you have a constant secrete controlling every aspect of your life.

When every word that is spoken must be fully thought out before you say it, so that no one will think anything of you.

When you are always afraid to express your true feelings.

When at the time you first realize it, you are in constant confusion.

When you live in a country that is trying to take away your rights for equality.

When your soul is drowned with emptiness.

When on the outside you seem perfectly normal, but deep down inside there is a constant bother.

When your peers use words that offend you, but you are too afraid to say anything because of what they might think of you.

When you are always asking yourself the same questions, "Am I?" and "Why? Why me?"

When you feel so empty inside, you think you are the only one different in this world.

When you drift farther and farther away from your loved ones until you finally except yourself.

When you undergo so much loneliness and confusion, the thoughts of suicide go through your mind.

When you want to talk about your feelings so bad, you go to the one being you know will listen - your dog.

When you want to love someone you know you cannot have.

When you isolate yourself from everyone else so that you don't have to express your feelings.

When you wish you could scream out two simple words, but the words just don't come out.

Then, you will truly know what it is like to be a teenager trying to hide the secret of homosexuality.