Hi! Here goes... I've known for a while that I'm definitely not straight, and I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I don't have any problems with my immediate family, although I certainly find it awkward to talk about that kind of thing; my mum and sister know, and I'm going to tell my dad once I've flown home on the 13th. The thing is, I'm starting university in September, and I'd like to come out as gay right from the start. I'm thinking of buying a rainbow bracelet to wear to let others know I'm gay. Is a bracelet clear? Would people understand? I really have no experience with this kind of thing My main goal at the moment is to meet other gay/bi guys, as I've never come out before and, although I'm 18, I've never been in a relationship. Would it be a good idea to join the LGBT society? I'm not really a pub/nightclub kind of person, I'd just like an opportunity to meet other LBGT students without having to commit to going to specific events. As far as events are concerned, I'm going to join sports clubs/societies that I'm interested in - I wouldn't want the LGBT society to be... well, my society, as such. I just want to meet people and make friends that I could then do other stuff with. I have no idea if this post makes sense... it's 3AM where I am. I'm confused and exhausted - what a fiasco :lol: I'd appreciate any advice and tips you have - thanks!
I'm in the same situation as you - going to university and wanting to be out from the start. I was also considering wearing a rainbow bracelet from a Canadian gay rights group I got back in high school which I thought sent a pretty clear message. My only worry is that if I wear the bracelet I'm going to be judged by straight people before they get to know me. I'm not only looking for a relationship, I also want to make new friends and I think just telling them casually that I'm gay after I've started talking to them will prevent people from ruling me out as a friend from the beginning. Anyways I'm quite torn... I have another gay friend going to university with me and he decided to just tell people as it comes up... I guess it depends on whether you are more concerned about meeting a gay guy or about being potentially stereotyped.
Joining the LGBT society should be a good way to meet other gay people outside the drinking context. Certainly wearing a rainbow bracelet would be recognized by any other gay person as a pretty clear message; probably wouldn't mean that much to the average Joe worth meeting; might keep some creeps away from you that you wouldn't want to meet anyway, who would stereotype you negatively. One thing wearing the bracelet would do is keep you honest, which could avoid situations that most closeted people have of being perceived as straight, then revealed as gay, with a hint of lying and deception being introduced into the relationship. You are "out" from the beginning, and showing that you are proud of who you are. Whether people "like" you or not, they should respect you.
I regret very few things in my life. One of those things is not coming out as bi, gay, or at least sexually confused to people. Now I'm trapped in the closet at home, and feel pressure to stay in the closet at College. People who don't like you for who you are...they aren't worth talking too. If you only make a handful, true friends in college...that is so much better then lying to yourself or having many fake friends. I consider my college friends really good friends, but there is tension between me and them on sexual orientation...I tried to come out to some, but I was drunk and retracted it. Wearing a bracelet, imo, wouldn't hurt at all. I'm about to enter my junior year/third year of undergrad...still in the closet. You all who go into college open and happy...are much braver then me.
Hi I know what you mean - I want to meet all kinds of people, I don't want to be defined by the fact I'm gay. On the other hand, I'd really rather avoid having to bring it up explicitly; I'd rather people noticed, say, a bracelet, and asked me about it than it being up to me to tell them. I can't speak for you, but I think the university in Aberdeen is generally accepting when it comes to LGBT students. I think if someone were to judge me before I got to know them, I wouldn't necessarily want to know that person in the first place. I dunno :lol: . ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2014 at 10:24 AM ---------- Exactly, I really want to avoid people thinking I'm straight and having to tell them. The only reason I've had to come out in the first place is that I've known people since before I figured out I was gay. I'd like to make the most of the fact that at university I won't know anyone and can tell people right from the start. :icon_bigg I suppose I'm looking for the best way to do that! ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2014 at 10:31 AM ---------- Thanks for your reply Being gay hasn't really affected me until now because I wouldn't have been in a relationship even if I were straight, but now that I'm at university I want people to know me as I am, and hopefully find someone to be in a relationship with The bracelet would basically be a way for me to avoid coming out - if you have any other ideas, I'd love to hear 'em. I read somewhere that someone had their phone lock screen set to a "gay pride" picture - I might do that too.
I have to agree with Yossarian on this one. Wearing the bracelet will really help filter out a lot of people who don't respect you for who you are and it will make sure that the friends you do make, are ones that accept you no matter what. I'd much rather have someone know I am gay and then move along rather than having them as a friend only to have that torn apart by something as trivial as my sexuality. At the end of the day, sticks and stones will break your bones... but they'll be the fools shouting discriminating things at random people in public! :lol:
I'm also starting uni in a few weeks. I've reached out to a few of hte members of the local QUILTBAG+ group and the advisor to get an idea of what they do. As for letting people know that I'm pansexual, I'll probably just tell people if they ask. Or when hanging out with people I know are cool, mention that a guy is cute or something.
Thank you! ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2014 at 03:10 PM ---------- Yeah, I've contacted the LGBT society directly as well to see what kind of things they organise, etc. The thing is, I find "public displays of affection" (even saying someone is cute) really difficult, so I'd rather wear something which prompts people to ask me without me having to prompt them directly :icon_bigg By the way, I love your username/status/avatar
You'll definitely find people with whom you can relate to more than high school. That's one of the reasons why I cherished college so much. Hopefully there will be an LGBT organization on campus. You may go there and ask them questions and take some time. Take some time for yourself to if you need to figure out your sexuality. Are you gay? Are you bi? These questions can be figured out on campus on your own time. I wish you good luck! As a person who just graduated from college, you'll love it, I swear!
You're so lucky! I just came out at 22 years of age, I would have loved to have accepted myself as gay since I was 18 when I started. Everything would have been different. But it's okay, I'm starting this semester gay and I'll have a blast.
I'm moving to the UK to start uni next month (Norwich) and it will be the first time I'm out as well. I've decided that I will just be gay from the moment I step foot in my room and that's it. If people ask if I have a boyfriend, I will just say 'you mean a girlfriend and no I don't have one' and if my mom calls to ask whether I've met any cute boys I will tell her I'm too busy looking at cute girls. xo
