Well I think I've come out to myself once and for all. I'm gay. I had a panic attack when I finally admitted it to myself. I cried, I shook, I hyperventilated... After I calmed down, I felt much more comfortable with it. This is great, but I still have a long way to go...Coming out to my family and friends will be a challenge, but it is a challenge that I accept. I need to face this challenge to become a happier person. I will get there, God willing. How did you react when you came out to yourself?
i dont think there was a single moment i thought yep im gay more like the cards kept coming out that way.glad you made a big step tho man.dont feel you have to rush out of the closet especially since you just came out to yourself.
In one word, relieved. I'd battled against it for such a long time that it was a relief to lose that particular war of the mind.
Coming out to yourself is a very important step and it's awesome to hear that you're okay now. As others have said, don't rush into telling everyone all in one go. You may want to give yourself some time to collect yourself (seeing how you've reacted to coming out to yourself) and then start with the people you feel most comfortable with telling. Once you start coming out to more people it becomes easier and it puts your mind at ease a little more about you as a person. Good luck with the remainder of your journey and I hope it is a very happy one! :lol:
When I was fifteen. I was sitting on the school bus, waiting for it to leave to take us home, and suddenly I just accepted myself! I remember that I just smiled quietly. No longer was I going to force myself to look at the girls as they got onto the bus!! My eyes would always wander back to the boys anyway!.
As the others have said, you'll definitely want to take it steady and collect yourself to avoid having any more panic attacks. It will help when you are ready to come out. As far as when I fully accepted it, I remember it being late at night and my thoughts wandering trying to avoid the topic then it just hit me. I remember crying myself to sleep that night, thinking it was truly over with for me. No way this will go over well but ten or so years later after much self harm mentally and physically it did. Hang in there, buddy.
I had a panic attack under the school steps Probably not the best way to deal with it but at least I skipped P.E.
I'm glad that that step is over, although panic attacks are no fun, I'm sure :/. Just collect yourself and try to find someone with whom you can confide that information. Maybe they can be your ally and help you! (also, a professional might help with this too in lieu of a friend, if you're still unsure about coming out to a friend just yet) .
About 3 years ago, I finally accepted the fact that I'm gay and then came many nights of crying myself to sleep because in my home country in southeast Asia, many if I don't say the majority of people still consider being gay as a disease. Now I'm currently in Germany to study so of course I feel a lot better but I still haven't come out to my parents who are back home on the other side of the globe. Well, still a long way to go considering that I'm really socially awkward and also struggling with the German language but at least I can hope for a better future now
The last time I cried was two years ago, in the shower. I was trying to jack off to one of the most beautiful co-workers I had ever met, she was gorgeous and fell for me... but it just wouldn't get up. When I thought about a really good looking male friend of mine, I got an erection. I knew that this meant I was actually gay, because it's something that's always happened to me, but actually knowing it scared the hell out of me. I cried. It took another two years to finally accept myself.
I struggled for a long long time with coming out to myself. I couldn't make myself say it out loud. When I finally did say it to myself, I cried and cried and just lay on my bed for a long while. And when I came out to my brother I cried again. It's a scary sort of feeling when it's new, I still feel quite upset over it but it's just the truth for me. I pray every night for strength and for some direction for what I should do next. I think it will take me some time to really completely accept myself and be comfortable. Good luck, I hope we can both become happy!
After a period of being stunned by even asking the question, I awoke one day from a nap and thought this is who I am and it's ok. And, in fact, it's a relief to know this because it explains so much and fills in something missing in my life. Then . . . it's been up and down since. Some days of feeling newly confident and hopeful about the future, other days of feeling depressed, lonely, frustrated, confused and/or angry. I think the trend is on the whole positive, but I am still having some serious low points. It hasn't been long for me--only a few months--and I see on this forum people who have been experiencing something similar for years. I'm glad to know that my experience isn't unusual, but I'm not thrilled with the prospect of enduring the ups-and-down for so long, although maybe this is just part of being human. (While the last observation--about the human experience--might be true, I don't find that it helps me that much.)
yea, you might want to do something about the panic attack. who knows what might be in store for you when the next time it happens, and it would be at the wrong place, at the wrong time. i've had panic attacks myself and now take a prescribed medication for it. it doesn't hurt to be safe. congrats on accepting yourself, and although it may have not been pleasant, at least you got through with it. that's more than enough to call it a victory. when i came out to myself, i think i had to really look at myself in the mirror and be honest with myself. i felt more calm when i said i was gay rather then being bi. i don't know how, but i guess i trusted my guts and finally figured myself out. it was a bit overwhelming mentally, when i came out.
