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An idea that worked for me when I couldn't get the words out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by medic, Aug 12, 2014.

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  1. medic

    medic
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    Hi!

    I'm back on here after really finishing my coming out and I have a lot to thank this forum for. I noticed not many people came out like I did so I wanted to see if it would help anyone else.

    What I found was that in person, I didn't know how to start the conversation and by letter or something made it seem a bit forced. However, I had to do something as not telling anybody was driving me mad.

    So for that reason I used IM. Like Skype or WhatsApp.

    I wrote a list of everybody I wanted to tell personally. (these were about the 10 people I am best friends/family with who I wanted to explain things properly too. I've now worked through all of these! Woo!) I then wrote a kind of script which I thought through over a few days until I was happy with it. Then, if I knew them well, I'd wait for a lull in a conversation on Skype and copy and paste in each line at a time. If I was particularly uncomfortable with telling some person (eg they've said something homophobic before), I'd wait until they were offline so they'd see it when they were online.

    The advantage I found of this method is it gave me time to structure what I wanted to say, while allowing a semi-immediate response which they could think through before sending. In person can sometimes lead to people saying things which hurt, but they don't really mean it. This mostly prevents that. Everybody I told was nice. I also found it a WHOLE lot easier to split it into 2 problems.

    1. What to say
    2. When to say it

    This method did this. Copy and pasting it in was easy, especially if they were offline and then I could distract myself by watching tv. (Archer on Netflix is my favourite.)

    The only exception I gave for this was my parents who don't use IM and I also wanted to tell in person anyway. I still sort of cheated on that front by sending then a text when we were in the car! I just find it much easier to express myself in writing.

    Anyway I hope that helps somebody! I'm not going to share what I said because I think it's important what you say relates to you and you're happy with it.
     
    #1 medic, Aug 12, 2014
  2. Robins Jacket

    Robins Jacket
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    You're a smart cookie aren't you? I think I'll try this someday.
    I send love and hugs! <3 xoxo
     
    #2 Robins Jacket, Aug 12, 2014
  3. medic

    medic
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    Glad you like it! Let me know how it goes :slight_smile:
     
    #3 medic, Aug 12, 2014
  4. Bolt35

    Bolt35
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    sounds like a creative and insightful idea that a lot of these people can use. i hope they can learn from your experience, especially those that consider themselves to be introverts.
     
    #4 Bolt35, Aug 12, 2014
  5. Akira12

    Akira12
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    Well I must honestly say I nvr thought of that before lol. I might just try that sometime when I'm more comfortable with it so thanks for sharing! Hugs to you! (*hug*)(*hug*):smilewave
     
    #5 Akira12, Aug 13, 2014
  6. AlezinwondRland

    AlezinwondRland
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    Awesome idea dude - especially for those who are extremely nervous about the coming out process! I get what you mean by writing. When i ever need to say something from the heart or which matters/is important, I can never speak the words without messing them up and getting jitters and never actually saying all the things I wanted to. So I write. Letters, texts, emails, on this forum etc etc.
    It's also great because you can perfect and read over everything before you send it. Words you can't edit or take back once they're spoken! x
     
    #6 AlezinwondRland, Aug 14, 2014
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