Hey there, this is my first actual plea for some advice from you amazing people. I may not be able to word this well but I'll give it my best shot: For a large portion of my life, I've just been a pretty normal person when it comes to fashion and appearance and I've never taken much notice of it. As I'm recently becoming more confident in my orientation, I've become a lot more self-aware of how my sexuality is presumed by others due to my external appearance. This has lead to me constantly being assumed to be straight because I'm not wearing neon everything with glitter and sparkles with magical unicorns like all the stereotypes suggest. The reason this is having such an effect on me is because I feel it makes coming out to people a lot harder. Of the people I've told, only one has had even the slightest clue that I was attracted to boys and the others were a complete shock. It has even lead to a lot of "phase" comments being thrown around because I apparently don't look the part. I'm worried that how I look is generally making it harder to come out to people for fear that they wouldn't be expecting it, and would have much harsher reactions as opposed to having a few years of suspicions to let them come to terms. In addition to this, it also makes it harder to grab the attention of other guys in general because I'm not really obvious enough to be considered a worthwhile try. So my questions: Is it sensible to, and should I, be considering these sorts of things? Is it wrong for me to wish to be more externally homosexual? In context to the answer to the last two questions, what would be your advice to combat/support these feelings? Thank you so much for hearing this out and any advice at all will be taken with the most amazing gratitude! (*hug*) Compute .
It makes sense to consider these things. Your image is something that you own, or should. If you want to be "more homosexual" think about ways to integrate new elements into a fashion that you like. Having friends to talk to about this and maybe model for would also be fabulous. Thanks for posting.
You should just be you like I should just be me, we should both forget about all of the noise around us & do what we feel is right for us. If glitter & rainbows are not your thing than I would just forget about it. Be you.
Just be yourself. Don't change just to please other people's stereotypical views. I found it helped that I explained to my friends when I came out to them that being gay doesn't necessarily mean being flamboyant and having a massive interest in fashion. All the best to you
Of course, you shouldn't change for others but it sounds a bit like you wouldn't mind exhibiting some signs. Yes? I don't know your style but what if you incorporated some colour? Even just an interestingly striped Oxford shirt or a light green, purple or even pink one. While not specifically "gay", I think it shows a bit more of a nod to fashion than your plain old white one. Funky haircut? Funky shoes? (Obviously, I like the funky.) I think your question is totally valid. Isn't it just like in nature where the male birds have the more beautiful plumage in order to attract a mate? I think we all want to be a bit more like those male birds.
I've been meaning to try searching around to see if there are clothes or certain fashions that I like. I certainly don't want to wear things that I don't like or feel comfortable in, simply due to my orientation but I'll definitely take up some of those last ideas. I suppose you're right about all the negative perceptions of my image, or should I say misinformed. My only problem is that I also want to use aesthetics to make my 'open-ness' more obvious to other guys, sort of like a peacock has it's feathers :icon_redf You're certainly right about the last part, though it is difficult to make people understand that since the more obvious LGBT people are usually noticed through the stereotypes (I mean, they were made for a reason). Some of my friends who I have come out to know fully well that my fashion sense isn't all it's cracked up to be and I'm not flamboyant (though I have a little occasion every blue moon). I suppose it just bothers me how if you're not in either of those categories, people tend to automatically assume your sexual identity and then it leads to doubts and all other misconceptions. I do have a fondness for an Oxford so I might take up this suggestion. One line I need to draw though it the one between cool weird and circus clown weird. As you rightly said, I do want to start showing some signs to make myself more 'out-there' however the hardest part is trying to get together an outfit which both looks good, sends out those signals, but also has practical use so it can be worn for everyday social events like college or stain-resistant for lunch use. ------- Thank you all for the replies, it means a lot (*hug*)
