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Hello, I'm extremely asocial and an introvert

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by glw, Aug 12, 2014.

  1. glw

    glw Guest

    --negative--
    I've known since I was 13 that I was attracted to guys and not girls (sexually). I suffered from deep depression that I hid from everyone around me, which actually led to what I think were panic attacks. By 14 I was almost entirely introverted and asocial. I still keep to myself and avoid any conversation relating to me.

    Unfortunately, I also had an appendicitis when I was 15. The recovery took around a month or so, which I was given pills to ease the pain. I still have panic attacks, which are more mild and I try my best to ignore them after. I've lessened my caffeine intake by drinking tea instead of soda, which probably helped it some, but I also have made myself more apathetic.

    I guess the asocial behavior led to even deeper depression, I dropped going to school in the first half of my 11th grade because I couldn't handle it. I opted to enroll in online school, which I couldn't take because it turns out I can't handle the expectations of it. Which they bumped me down to 10th grade in terms of credit and the verbal only instruction didn't work for me.

    My friends in school have flat asked me if I was homo, I successfully averted the question(s). Which I feel very bad now for not outing myself to them. I do want to be truthful to everyone but my social skills probably are even worse from bulling. Sorry my writing skills suffer from ignoring the teacher.

    I don't have much to fall back on by coming out gay, It's my senior year in high-school and It's a very small graduating class (maybe 16 grads). The town I live in only has ~300 residents, the school is in the neighboring town which maybe has a population of ~500. Their isn't any support for GLBT community wise as the towns only contain churches.(I identified as Buddhist, but have since went atheist)

    --positive--
    I do plan to get involved in some of the student organizations though, as I haven't really tried in the past. I also want to attend a local PFLAG, which is about an hour drive away. I probably need the support more than anything. I'm not out to anyone, only to myself which I personally accept. However, being asocial doesn't help me and I do want to be somewhat social.

    I plan to attend college and go on into systems administration. I have an admiration for computing systems and networking, along with some experience. I do want to eventually marry and raise a family like any other. I did have dreams of going into law, but I don't want to see that much debt. Community college is about the only thing I could possibly afford. I do get very political with people, which is a fun thing sometimes. I identify as anarchist, but I still like to watch politicians.

    Personally I'm very passionate, once I know the person. I've never however dated anyone or hugged anyone other then family. I do have one close friend, which I trust completely and the others are a little to anti-social. I probably need to run some more, I'm tired of sitting here.(eh, I'm just tired)

    --Questions--
    What would be the best method for coming out? My dad identifies as Catholic, but doesn't attend church. He does however like more liberal politics, maybe not to the extent I like.(I'm not sure how far into ethical issues he cares.) My mom on the other hand occasionally goes church, usually for special occasions or for a funeral.

    I feel very isolated, in solidarity anyways.
     
  2. black-cat

    Full Member

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    Firstly, welcome to Empty Closets, congrats on joining, it can be rather tricky just to take that step. :slight_smile:

    I am very sorry to hear about how you feel, unfortunately I feel the same though not to the same extent currently, I am improving. It must be really hard living in such a teeny tiny town with no support. If you don't want to reply to me or anyone else who answers this thread quite so publicly, remember you can use the messaging on "Walls" which is a bit more private than the general forum. I had depression for a long time and I have also been very isolated from the "real world" for many years.

    I would recommend you come out to whichever parent you think will take it best (from what you said, I am presuming that would be your mum?) and then ask for her help to come out to the rest of your family/your other parent. Try and keep it short- come out with it early so you don't waffle on and make you both more anxious, also doing it at a time where it is just the two of you and you won't get interrupted will help. Good luck! *hugs*
     
  3. Compute

    Regular Member

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    Hey there glw. Coming out fully is quite an emotional ride to go through, so make sure you don't rush it too much. A lot of people here, including myself, are quite torn to coming out when it comes to family. I presume a lot of your worries come from religious views on LGBT people? I personally don't know much about religion, but I do know the current Catholic Pope is pushing for a lot more acceptance for LGBT people throughout the world. If you can, it would be good if you can open up your parents to these sorts of messages from people high up in the catholic hierarchy. This will hopefully edge some religious parents out of falling into the trap of using the Old Testament as an excuse to completely out the idea of accepting any gay child they have.

    All of this in mind, we're all here to help you at EC. I'd always felt alone with my feelings until I came here and found that there are so many people like me, and I'm sure you'll find so many people who can relate to you as well. Welcome and enjoy your stay! ( Have one of your first EC hugs from me (*hug*) )

    Compute .
     
  4. tulipinacup

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    Hello glw. Thank you for sharing your story to us. The good news is that you are not alone. This is a place where we can all talk about what's eating us or helping one another.
    I am also an introvert and though my social skills are the same as yours, I suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder (it's pretty much the same with Social Anxiety Disorder but there are subtle differences).

    You mentioned your close friend, how would he/she take it when you tell him/her you're gay? I think it would be easier if you talk to someone who you feel closest to before deciding to come out to your family just in case you need a moral support.

    You also talked about joining the PFLAG. I think most people who started to be part of the organisation had the same feeling like yours but you have to realise that all they want to do is to help you so they understand that you're afraid or distant or asocial.
     
  5. glw

    glw Guest

    It's a bit of a drive to get to the PFLAG meetings(hour or so), but I think I'll try to go to one. I do think I suffer some personality disorders. Although I've never been diagnosed or sought help. I think my friend will probably ignore it, maybe support me for telling them the truth. Being non-sociable doesn't help me though, because I don't analyze situations very much or not very well.
    I'm still very afraid to, think I'll come out to my friend first. My friend has actually questioned me, I avoided truthfully answering. I'm not very open about my feelings or emotions though, I repress them which is probably bad.
     
  6. black-cat

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    Yeah I understand that, most people come out to friends before family. He/she can help you and support you when you tell your parents. Yup, probably is bad to be honest, I think most people find they just brew and grow while you repress them. Good luck :slight_smile: