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Coming out to myself

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by DJmigra, Aug 13, 2014.

  1. DJmigra

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    Just wanted to post in here hoping someone can relate. I recently started seeing an LGBT therapist to help me come to terms and accept being gay. I have had a secret life my entire life, and am just beginning to learn to try and come out to myself. Without boring anyone with all the details of my life, lets just say coming out to myself is a monumental struggle. I'm a 41 year old male, never married, no kids. I'm all over the place from one minute to the next. I'm starting to think that seeing this therapist is the best thing i've ever done. I've been reading books on coming out voraciously and they are also helping a little.
     
  2. Kai LD

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    Hey thanks for being here! Welcome! I hope you learn a lot about yourself! :smilewave
     
  3. DJmigra

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  4. Peacemaker

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    Welcome dude, hope the therapist works out for you :slight_smile:
     
  5. adrianislander

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    it's always good to see someone coming to terms with something they have struggled to accept for so long! just an indication that it is never too late to be happy exactly the way you are! i hope it all goes well for you!
     
  6. TylerTD

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    Coming out to yourself is definitely one of the, if not the most hardest thing to do. This is because YOUR sexuality affects YOU the most, nobody else is really affected.

    The only other thing to do is come out to your homophobic family members.
     
  7. DJmigra

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    Thanks for the nice words.....its gonna be a long journey
     
  8. Ivysaur

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    Welcome...Totally understand. It's hard for me to do right now, too. But this forum is helping quite a bit.

    I hope it all goes well for you.
     
  9. Jguy365

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    I, too, have struggled with coming out to myself, but I am much younger than you so I don't have as much life to sort through. Still, though, this is my best advice: First, give it time. I know for me, I was really scared when I first realized I was gay. For crying out loud, I had a panic attack! Now, a couple of days later, I am basically in total acceptance of myself. You may have heard this somewhere. I know I have. Say it to yourself in the mirror. It really, really helps. If that is too hard, say it into a pillow or something first. Admitting is verbally is crucial.

    Best of luck to you.
     
  10. SaleGayGuy

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    HI DJmigra

    First of all welcome to EC, this site has been a huge help to me over the last 18 months and the support and friendship on here has helped me not only come out to myself but also to my wife.

    I too didn’t realise I was gay until my 40s but finally being able to accept it was a great feeling. As the pressure lifts you will find yourself doing silly, but probably necessary, things like driving down the road, windows closed, shouting out at the top of your voice “I’m gay”. If you haven’t done that yet give it a go it’s so liberating. (!)(!)(!)

    I also went through a period of several weeks where I wanted to grab the microphone at the customer service desk of my local supermarket and shout out over the PA system to the whole store “I’m gay”. Fortunately common sense prevailed and shoppers were spared the embarrassment :eek: but the urge to do it was very VERY VERY strong, especially since so many cute gay couples go shopping there mid-week evenings when it’s quiet.

    SGG
     
    #10 SaleGayGuy, Aug 15, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2014
  11. Yossarian

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    It really does help to look at yourself in the mirror and say "I am gay, and it will be OK" over and over again. When you are driving by a hot guy, alone in your car, tell yourself he is cute out loud, so you can hear yourself say it, and see that nothing bad happens. You have had 41 years of people treating you like you are straight and you playing that role; start playing yourself now by acting like you are gay until it feels natural; eventually it will.
     
  12. Kai LD

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    I keep repeating to myself the name I want, and trying to relax so my voice is softer. :icon_redf
    It makes me feel a little silly. But I keep imagining where I want to be at the end of it and I get excited and I want it really bad. :icon_redf
     
  13. bingostring

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    Hi DJmigra,

    Welcome to EC… yes therapy can take you on quite a fascinating journey.
    EC can help too - I hope you will keep chatting about your thoughts and experiences!

    :thumbsup:
     
  14. DJmigra

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    Thanks to everyone so far for the comments....all helpful. It is such a huge help to have support, especially like someone said after living a "straight" life for so long. It's so hard to think I have to start all over. I thought I was going to pass out walking in to my first therapist appointment, I couldn't believe I was starting therapy with an LGBT therapist to help me get started on this journey and actually talk about it. Once the first session was over I wanted to run right back in and keep talking for hours and hours. She mentioned that I needed to see and feel the support in the gay community and I can see it on this forum already, so thanks to everyone who's commented!
     
  15. Kasey

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    It physically took me 15 minutes to verbalize to myself that I'm transgender. I mean I literally choked up. Even though I knew in my heart at that time.
     
  16. Nick999999

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    That's like me I'm 21 and have been trying to come to terms for about 5 years now! I sat to my self one day I'm gay then the next I think I'm not idk how to get over it!