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I'm thinking about coming out to my best female friend in the future

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Anonymous777, Aug 14, 2014.

  1. Anonymous777

    Anonymous777 Guest

    Hi everyone!

    First of all, I'm not out at all. Nobody knows that I'm gay (except the EC people). I feel that it's not the most appropriate moment for me to come out due to personal circumstances.

    I don't know if some people who knows me might suspect, since I've never been in a relationship with a girl. Anyhow, I'm not prepared to come out to anybody right now.

    There's one exception: my best female friend. I trust her a lot and I'm almost 100% sure she would be supportive. She's studying a degree in Psychology and I've never heard any homophobic comment from her. She doesn't like criticizing people in general and she'd never make jokes based on people's personal circumstances. Besides, she would tell nobody if I came out to her.

    However, I am frightened. It would be a huge step for me and a point of no return. That's the reason why I don't want to tell her until next year.

    What do you think? Should I wait until I'm ready or should I tell her ASAP?
     
  2. Candace

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    I think that you should go for it. She should be honored that you chose her as the first person to ever come out to and that you value your friendship that much. I think you should think about what you want to say and use this ^^^^ as a crutch. Say how much you value the friendship that you have with her and want to continue it. Of course, unless she's somehow unbeknownst to us, coldhearted, which I suspect is not the case. Just go for it, see what happens, and then come back with updates, please :slight_smile:.
     
  3. RAdam

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    I think having a female best friend makes it obvious already . Don't rush anything but if you trust her 100% then I would. Having a friend you can be open with is the greatest gift and you'll probably only get closer (if she has no problem with gays that is). do what feels right! I don't have the balls to come out but I wish I had. Wait till you're ready to tell her not till you're ready to tell the world, she's not likely going to tell on you right?
     
  4. KingJude

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    This has always been my reason for not coming out. Everything changes, and I hate change. But what I am beginning to realise, is that sometimes change can be frightening, and stressful, but when it arrives, it can make everything better. And I think in your case this is true. Your friend will definitely accept you. It will help make your relationship seem more concrete, as it shows that you trust her completely. It also means you will no longer have to keep secrets from her. Coming out to her will only improve your situation, not worsen it.
     
  5. Anonymous777

    Anonymous777 Guest

    Thank you so much for your replies. :slight_smile:

    I think you're right and that would prove that I trust her 100%. I'm afraid of changes, but it will probably improve my relation of friendship with her. Furthermore, I would have a person to talk openly about my sexual orientation and to get advice.

    Nevertheless, I'm still frightened and I don't know what to do. I've gone through a depression and I'm still recovering, though I'm getting better.

    I may wait until I'm fully recovered or I may tell her soon. I'm not sure.

    If I am able to be brave and come out to her I'll let you know. (&&&)

    ---------- Post added 14th Aug 2014 at 10:29 PM ----------

    She's one of my best friends, but I have some male best friends too (they're straight as far as I know).
     
  6. wolf of fire

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    It was a similar situation to mine, I told my best female friend first (some of our other friends are gay and bi so I knew it would not be an issue) basically she just went "since when?" and nothing has changed. My advice go for it. (Choose your moment well)
     
  7. One Man Army

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    Do it! But don't put any pressure on yourself.

    I'm also coming out for the first time to a trusted friend this weekend, and I'm scared - but I am convinced it will be a positive thing. I don't know if you're feeling like this, but I have reached the point where I absolutely hate being in the closet. If this is you, then it could be better to come out to your friend sooner rather than later, but don't rush.

    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  8. Anonymous777

    Anonymous777 Guest

    Thank you, guys!

    Actually, I haven't reach that point where I hate to be in the closet yet, but I imagine my future life with a man. Nowadays I don't have a boyfriend, that's the reason why I don't need to rush.

    Besides, I'm sure nothing will change if I tell her.
     
  9. Anonymous777

    Anonymous777 Guest

    I've just sent a message to my friend. I've told her that someday I would like to talk to her about some things related to myself, but not now because I don't think it's the right moment.

    Anyhow, I've made the decision to tell her. I'll wait for her reply and I'll try to keep you update.

    Thank you for your help. (&&&)
     
  10. Anonymous777

    Anonymous777 Guest

    My friend has answered me. She's told me that she values my confidence in her a lot and when she's available I can talk to her about anything I want. She's added that she hopes she'll be at the level of the circumstances. I'm so glad to read her reply.
     
  11. Quem

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    That's great to hear! (*hug*) Hope everything will work out the way you want! Good luck! :icon_bigg
     
  12. Anonymous777

    Anonymous777 Guest

    Thank you so much! (*hug*)