I only rarely pretend straighness now; isn't that a type of 'coming out?

Isn't this in itself a type of 'coming out'? I've still told only a total of about 8 people, but many more than that have seemed to notice something different about me, judging by their pointed glances, or in the case of some older, more conservative folks, an embarrassed laugh (like when I tried on female shirts at a secondhand store), or - and this is really annoying me no end - sometimes, guys old enough to be my father looking at me in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable (it feels creepy). And of course, the occasional guy who falls within my own age bracket notices too, and sometimes that's darn good. I had one cutie walking away, away, but I kind of watched out of the corner of my eye, and finally he turned around and looked back at me...he just had to look back, hehe...Anyway, if I wanted to I could dress more ruggedly and masculinely, not wear gold in my ears, and honestly experience tells me that things would go back to how they were before. But I'm choosing not to pretend. I'm just being myself, I'm not even sure I want to label it as masculine or feminine or anything, I'm just being me, but it is different, some folks are noticing, but despite the occasional inconvenience I will not pretend to be other than who I am. Isn't that a type of 'coming out' in and of itself? I mean, I could hide it so easily, just a few tweaks and I could do it, but it would feel like betraying myself to pretend to be someone I'm not...the only time I sort of fake this extra tough, 'aussie male' voice and manner, is if I feel intimidated by my immediate environment, such as when I had to walk into a car servicing centre...surrounded as I was by these tough-looking guys everywhere, and no doubt mostly straight and who knows what they would think of a somewhat genderfluid, bi man...I pulled a mantle of tough maleness over my gait, manner and speech for as long as I was in that place, to hopefully counteract any perception, based on my general appearance nowadays, that I was 'effeminate'. But other than those rare situations, I'm not hiding anything, nor pretending anything other than just what I am; and to be honest, some folks seem to be noticing, without me saying anything at all about it.

 

Thank you, Kai, for reminding me of something: I'm not actually totally the same with everyone. My voice and mannerisms do change slightly, according to where I am and who I am with. Obviously my somewhat more flamboyant gestures and manner of speaking, I only let out with either my kids, or other lgbt folks. But then again, everyone, even straight folks, reveals varying amounts of themselves depending on the situation, right?

---------- Post added 15th Aug 2014 at 02:59 PM ----------

Why does life do these things to me? Just as I post this about how brave I'm being, a test has come up. A Mormon woman I used to know, just called me up, she left a few things at my place ages ago, never collected them, and will drop by in a few days to do so. We really hit it off in the human being department, and even the passion - which she was of course not 'allowed' to consummate, for fear of getting barbecued after death - was strong between us. But she was unable to accept that however much we got along in virtually every other sphere of relating, there's no way in hell I'm ever going to join the LDS church - I mean, I accept it might be good for her, but it ain't good for me! - well, after trying a number of times to convert me, she eventually left me for a guy who was willing to adopt her faith, so he could be with her. (I can never do that, and I don't get how anyone could pretend a faith, just so they can be with someone.)

Now I'm in no danger of wanting to be with her again. Really, the religious issue caused me a lot of pain, because we really did get along so well in all human realms, it was just her inability to live and let live with regards to religion, that tripped us up and I'm keeping a safe distance from her emotionally, this time. What I'm challenged by is, she might notice I've changed. I mean, I'm 99% sure these gold blobs in my earlobes are going to make her wonder. If she asks why I've got them I will tell her the truth: cos I like earrings and I wanted some. lol. :lol: But somehow, having a past romantic crush come and visit, with me having changed so much and what's more, unwilling to hide it, does make me a bit nervous. I tell you, if she asks if I'm gay, I will tell her, "no, but I am bisexual; I can feel a connection with someone, a sexual and romantic connection, and that person could be male, or female". I already know in advance what she thinks of homosexuality, that's why I'm nervous. But you know, I would not give a toss, except that I see how her religion did this to her, I don't see her problem with lgbt folk as something coming from her. Oh I don't know why, but I feel just a bit awkward and nervous about seeing here again, now.