I'm 22 and I'm a lesbian.. I've known this for about 10 years but I haven't told my family and friends, and I don't think I ever could. My dad's the most homophobic person I've ever met and I don't want to ruin his life by telling him the truth. A few of my friends are homophobic aswell. So many people have asked me if I'm into girls and I always say no. I even talk about guys in front of my girl friends so that they don't get suspicious. The thing is though, I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with a man again. A couple of years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy for three months and it was the worst three months of my life. I had to break it off because I was going insane, I just couldn't do it. I've had encounters with girls in the past, but I push them away if they get too close. I met a girl recently, who I really liked, and she offered to take me out but I just ignored her. So I can't be with a woman out of fear, and I can't be with a guy because I'm not attracted to them at all.. I reckon it's going to be like this for the rest of my life. I've got a feeling I'm gonna end up with a guy in a few years out of pressure, then end up lying to everyone and being miserable forever. This never used to bother me too much but I'm getting older now, and things haven't changed. What do you reckon I should do?
Welcome to EC! I'll give you my 2 cents about your post. How would you ruin his life? If he is homophobic, the problem would be/is his prejudice, not you. If you don't like guys, don't do this. You will be sad, and he may be sad too because your relationship won't really work. Do you live with your parents? If so, it may be worth to come out now, if you think they will not kick you out or something like that. You won't ruin your father's life, if he is homophobic it's not your problem, it's his problem. It may sound harsh, but it's the truth, you aren't responsible for his misconceptions about LGBT people. If not, then peraphs consider moving out so you can come out with less problems? Of course, you don't need to come out right now, or you don't need to come out if you don't want to, but if you know you will be happy with a girl, then why don't do it? You wouldn't be hurting anyone, and it is pointless to marry a guy out of pressure. Hugs
