My day just went from good to really bad in an instant. I was on my break inbetween classes and I was driving to a coffeehouse when I get a call from my mom. She says that she found some porn in my room (I knew I should have hidden it better) and that she was worried and she sounded pretty mad. She was threatening to take the computer away, which I need for school, so I don't know what I'm going to do. She asked me if she needed to be concerned, I told her no. Then she was saying things like "it's just that it makes me wonder....." I knew what she was thinking, but she said she wasn't going to ask me over the phone. I am freaking out right now, I can't stop shaking. Yeah I probably shoudn't have been looking at porn, but come on, I am 19 years old, and why the hell was she in my room anyway:tantrum::bang: It just makes me so mad and nervous and scared. We were going to talk when I get home from my other class, which gets done at about 7:30. How the hell am I going to be able to concentrate when I've got this all going on. I know exactly what she is going to ask me, and I've been wanting to tell her, but this is not what I had in mind. I just wasn't ready, and now I am going to be outed, by my own stupidity and snooping mothers.
Bleh snooping family members are the worst! I had the same thing happen to me but with my older sister and younger brother. -_- Although thankfully they're pretty dense and they believed the half-arsed excuse I gave them, I told them that it was a trap to see if they were snooping around my room and using my computer when I wasn't home. And when I first got my computer I went to a friends place for a LAN party and me being new to having a computer and all that didn't know that your internet history gets saved. =S So my best friend AND his older sister see about a million different porn sites that I'd looked up. I told them that it was a prank my brother had pulled on me and that sort of kept them at bay. It all turned out fine though for me though, I told a few close friends that I was gay and they were completely fine with it. Then a year later my mum found out against my wishes, we were watching Big Brother and the gay contestant on the show was telling his story about opening up to his parents and I started to get nervous and she noticed. >=( So all I said to her was "My friends already know" and left it for her to put 2 and 2 together. And then a few months ago I decided to tell my siblings and they too were fine with it and now I'm relieved and also happy that I can be entirely myself at home. So yeah I've been outed and I've came out. Even though some people found out when I wasn't ready for them to know I lucked out and no one really minded. Obviously I haven't been much help but being found out by my mum was FAR easier than coming out to her, if it hadn't happened then I'd still be in and things would suck.
Yeah, in a way I am kind of relieved, that she will finally know, but I still would have liked to tell her myself. ~sigh~ but that's life
Try not to panic. It looks like she has definatively found out so I wouldn't recommend denying it. What has been her general attitude to gay people before? If it's been alright, then go into the conversation as relaxed as you can. Tell her, "Yes, I am gay. I was sort of nervous about how you might respond, but I was planning on telling you someday (or whatever fits your situation). I'm still the same son I've always been." Try not to panic about it. If you think she has ignorant or homophobic views, still try to remain calm. Maybe print out a PFLAG leaflet if you get time. Talk to her calmly about it, and just explain all the basic points about how you haven't chosen this, you still love her, it doesn't change your attitude towards loving relationships etc. Remember that she will probably be in shock and so if she says anything particularly harsh this is the shock talking and not necessarily her true belief. If she asks any difficult questions, think them over carefully and don't rush into a hasty or flippant answer. Demonstrate how much you still love her and try to emphasise how you are still the same son you've always been. I really hope this turns out well for you. It's a crap situation to be outed in, but if you stay calm and loving you should be OK. Take heart! (*hug*)
You tell her the truth. You're gay, you're coming to grips with it, and would she please not dig through your stash of porn anymore? And thank her for not totally freaking out. Lex
I have a feeling that she is ok with it, I think she's concerned just because it's pron. On the phone, she told me she loves me and that she is concerned for me. So I'm hoping for the best and dreading the drive home.
yeah i hope it works out ok. whatever happens stay calm. i think you should definitely try to seperate the issues: 1. the porn - she shouldnt have been going through your stuff, which was wrong, and you should talk about that.. but more importantly 2. youre gay - but dont let that issue be taken over by the porn issue. if you had come out in your own way then you would have talked about everything - dont let her get side-tracked with the unimportant issue.. and remind her that straight people look at porn too. good luck!
I know what its like to have that moment with ur parents stolen from you. I'm sorry! That should be a personal thing.... But anyway, it'll work out for the best!
