Extreme fundamentalist parents

OMG, that is extreme. You cannot have any contact with people like that for your own health. It is awful. Dead awful. I understand you love your family but is it worth a life sentence

My issues with my 'family' is not the same but it got to the point where I had to cut off completely. If I didn't, it would have driven way over the edge. It is difficult and extremely painful. You won't ever get support from those people you seek it from. I'm sorry but it will never come.

Only you can decide what to do though.

 

I agree. Being around people like that can seriously damage you mentally. It sucks that they are your parents so it's a lot more difficult to extricate yourself from the situation.

If i were in your position i would use their weapons against them, in this case the bible (because i despise hypocrites). Point out a few passages such as:

Matthew 6:14-15: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Ephesians 4:31-32: Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.


You need to do something that will make you happy. You can't continue to live for the approval of your parents because i can tell you, you will never get it. Do not ever think that the issues that have happened since you originally came out are your fault. The fault is theirs for not being the loving, forgiving Christians that they should be.

As for the bible's views on homosexuality, well of course it's open to interpretation. Leviticus does state that the act of homosexual intercourse is a sin, but makes no mention of just being homosexual.

 

Ah, Leviticus. Gays are evil! As is mixing fabrics and eating shellfish.

It's tragic what happened to you, but I truly suggest cutting ties with your family. Their hate for your sexual orientation and this "therapy" will only cause you pain. Hopefully, without you around, they'll eventually calm down more and want to see you again, but for now, I do think that leaving your family and ending that "therapy" is the best way to get back your happiness and freedom.

Welcome to Empty Closets, and I hope we can help you.

 

As others have mentioned, the Bible does say homosexuality is a sin, just like many other things (mixing of fabrics) If you took Leviticus religiously (sorry for the pun) almost every everyone would be stoning everyone else. The old men who wrote the Bible wrote things in it that reflected the time they lived in. The mixing of fabrics was a sin because they wanted tribes to be able to tell each other apart by their dress. Homosexuality was a sin because they wanted only men and women to have sex so the women would make more members of the tribe. Back then human numbers influenced power (still does actually in some ways) not just military power, but agricultural, construction, etc.

Something you said about your parents is very telling.

and other times she would call and simply yell at me as being a "worthless f*g***". I started backing off, not answering their calls. Pretty much everyone I knew said I should disown them completely. That's something I could never bring myself to do however. My dad started to lose his mind completely and became suicidal because he couldn't cope with me being gay. They both believed having a gay son was God's curse upon them.

Last time I checked, cursing and suicide were sinful too. Religion or not, these are reactions of mentally unbalanced people. Nothing you do is going to change their minds because their extremism is a symptom of mental illness.

 

I don't know how offensive this can be taken, but in the views of their religion, the fact that they are acting in these ways are far worse that their beliefs on how bad you are in their eyes for being gay. Let's take a look at the tally:

You:
Gay

Parents:
Judgement
Suicide
Family Acceptance
Ignorance
Disobeying teachings of the Pope (who accepts and promotes love towards homosexuality/homosexuals)

and the big one:

The Golden Rule (love thy neighbor).

Let's not forget to mention how skeptical most people are towards the Old Testament, and how many bonkers things there are in it (as seem above). In most cases, people who use the Old Testament as an excuse against gay people have probably never read it, and have simply heard that it says it in their through the grape-vine in religion and just blindly followed it. Your parents appear to be pretty low-level believers.

------------------------------

My advice for you as a person would be to try and drill these sorts of things into your family. Even if the first hundred tries fail just keep making them conscious of it. Raise these questions to them about how 'flawless' their actions are, and see if it slaps some sense into them. If they're not getting it, then you're going to have to face the inevitable truth that you deserve better. You shouldn't have to live your life having to hide from people who don't accept you. Simply being your parents give them no rights to mistreat you like this. They certainly don't act like parental figures if they can't accept you in any way. It's a choice that's up to you, but there are options out there which will allow you to be yourself and be able to feel comfortable with who you really are.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Your parents are what I call "religiously insane". They have an utterly irrational view of the world most of us live in. You seriously need to get away from them before they drive you deeper into frustration and depression and insanity yourself trying to deal with their insanity without professional training and skills. This is the standard answer because it is the only answer. Save yourself; let Jesus save them. In their religion, he will forgive them of their sins. You can do that too, if you can escape to a rational place and live your life as you believe God intended you to, and not hold their insanity against them because you let them destroy you.

 

This is a very complicated situation. I know it's easy for me to say, but I would do what's best for myself. In the long run this is probably the best bet for your parents to change. If you disappear from their lives, it's a long shot, but it might make them change their minds when they realize what they've lost.

And though you love your parents, just like most sons and daughters do, you have to let go some time or your life is gonna be miserable. When someone "dies" you can't hold onto them forever or you will never be able to live yourself. It's a horrible truth we have to face, but the sooner we face it the faster we can start living.

I wish you the best.(*hug*)

 

I think Yossarian's words - 'religiously insane' - are really a good description of your parents, unfortunately. I sympathise and feel for you deeply. To have people who love you, and whom you love deeply, betray you by their hate is a horrible thing to undergo. I am yet to come out to my parents, and I hope it will go OK, but I can only imagine what you went through.(*hug*)

Why can't you move out now? You say that's not possible now. But to quote a song - if not now, when? I suspect with you, if I may be so bold, any time may not be good. What are the obstacles? Maybe write them down. Job? Have you done absolutely everything to explore all job options in the rest of the country? Logistical transport - (shared?) possessions etc.? If that's a problem, think about ways in which you can travel light.

I think your closeness to your parents - which brought you to reparative therapy - is keeping you there. And I probably would be the same, I'm so close to my family even now as an adult that to leave them completely would seem too traumatising. So I understand. But you may have to do this.

Imagine how you will look back on your life now, from the perspective of ten years hence, when you will have your own life in a place far away, perhaps with a boyfriend and wonderful friends. Won't you think, 'I'm glad I got out when I was still young'. That future is possible. Forgive me if I am taking the pulse of this situation wrong, but you have a clear but painful choice ahead of you. But there is a right choice.(*hug*)

 

I think your parents have a bad case of narcissism on top of religious nuttery. I suggest you read about the narcissist parent.

 

Hey okccpdude, I came across this thread after recently joining EC and posting my thread about my conflicting unsupportive parents. I very much sympathize to what you must be going through and I cannot even begin to think at how hard and difficult your life is being made by your parents. I too have parents that try to use their religious beliefs to make me feel that what I am doing who I am is wrong. I also completely feel that I struggle with completely cutting them out of my life versus trying to make the come around and be understanding in my situation, though it is not as extreme of a situation as yours. I hope that you find the courage and strength to move out of thay unhealthy relationship that your parents are creating for you. I am grateful in reading all of the responses to your thread. This community seems very supportive and I am glad I joined. Take care and best wishes to you.

 

I agree with the others that you really need to disappear. Whatever you have right now will not end well for you. They can't live knowing that they have a gay son, you can't exist in your current state forever.

The best thing you could do for them is to disappear from their lives. You've already done all you could to reconcile your differences and that hasn't worked out very well. Take your time, make all the preparations that you need to start a new life, and move out. And make sure that they can't find you. At this point they're not your family, they're your enemies.

 

Unfortunately this is one of those situations where somebody loses either way. To put it quite simply, it's a choice between your happiness or your parents' happiness. Which is more important to you?
I also think it's important to consider the possible build up of resentment. The whole point of you remaining in the closet is to preserve a good relationship with your parents, but have you ever thought that you may grow to hate them? In which case you can say goodbye to a good relationship.

 

Cut them out of your life.

That is an incredibly damaging relationship for your life. You need to get as far away as possible from people like that.