I feel guilty for not being out.

This is something I am still struggling with too. I have a lot of fear to overcome and I feel guilty every day that I don't tell my family and be open about who I am. It would be only the truth. I try to tell myself everyday in more and more confident terms that I know exactly what I want, and any doubts are just the old fear refusing to let go. (*hug*)

 

I feel the same way, but remember that coming out is a personal decision and you should do it when you feel ready, and it's perfectly okay to be scared.

 

It's perfectly OK to be scared of coming out (hell, I'm terrified of my impending coming-out, and my parents are supportive of LGBTQ+ rights and don't make me uncomfortable about my sexuality) and there is no reason to feel guilt about not coming out yet, but if you really feel like you should come out, and that people's assumptions of your sexuality make you constantly uncomfortable, and you really are sure that this is who you are, then I say when you have the courage, go for it. Don't announce it to the world, especially since the negative attention is what keeps you mostly in the closet, but if you slowly tell more and more people, I think that'll really help. When I found out my friends knew I was bi (close enough) it was one of the best feelings in my life. Eventually tell your mother, though I think that'll be the hardest. I don't know if she's homophobic, but if those assumptions make you uncomfortable, yet you don't want to come out, saying something like "Why do you assume I like boys? I know plenty of lesbians" or more subtly, "I'm really not that interested in dating right now" might get her to lay off of you.

 

I kinda know how that is >.< I seem to drift in and out of phases of guilt regarding not being 'out'. I just feel like it's okay for you to be closeted (not cowardly at all), because you matter just as much as anyone else =) If in the closet is where you're most comfortable, there's no rush: it's your coming out! If you decide you are comfortable coming out, I find a less scary way to do it is indirectly; dropping hints, implying things, whatever - you could use your imagination =) But if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here (and so is the rest of EC)! Good luck =D

 

Hi! I feel exactly the same way. I hate this guilt inside.
I have been bullied when I was younger because I was different and I think this is partly why I haven´t told so many ppl about my orientation. I don´t want to be different and a target.
Have you thought about how to tell your family, when you eventually will find the courage?

 

It's okay to be scared about coming out, as it's the unknown. You don't know how someone will react- take your time with it

 

If you want that feeling to go away, there is one thing that can change that. It's a lot easier said than done to come out, but in pretty much every case you feel liberated when you tell someone. Of course if you think there is too great a risk of being kicked out or something, you might need to wait a bit longer, but otherwise it helps. But can you imagine a life where you don't come out someday?

That being said, there isn't an exact timeline for when someone should come out, but when you're ready it will make a difference in your life.

 

I have had those feelings you have been talking about for a year or so and it...sucks. I get impulsive when I am around my parents and alone(I have a brother that's an ass and would be homophobic just to make me feel bad). I have always had the guilt about lying mainly because my mom has stated before that if either of her kids were lgbt and they didn't come out after the age a couple of our cousins did she would be made at us for lying to her. It's kind of funny but sad she is so supportive she isn't lol but my town is small so it's not galling anytime soon(I think)

 

There is no reason to feel guilty, you do not owe anyone anything. You should only come out for yourself, and if you have a positive influence on someone because of that, then bonus, but that is not your responsibility.
Now, you sound like you are ready. I was just like you before I came out, but do it at your own pace. There is nothing wrong with staying in the closet, it's a safe place. Unfortunately, there is no way to stop being afraid, it's very natural to feel like that. This is one of those things where you will need to take a deep breath and just do it (like going into cold water; just dive in) Unless you are in a very homophobic environment, chances are your coming out won't be nearly as horrible as you expect it to be. We set ourselves up for worse case scenario.

 

There is no time that says "at this age, you have to come out". Do it when you feel the time is right. I came out when I was 19. It was way later than I had anticipated. I really wanted to come out when I was in high school, around 15 or 16, but due to unforeseen circumstances, I chose to come out when I was 19. I could have resisted and come out earlier, but I felt that it was better to do so in my heart. You can come out tomorrow, next week, in the next decade. No one will be angry at you for it. It's understandable as to why you want to keep it hidden, perhaps. Realize that the people that you do choose to come out to will be more understanding (the tolerant, kind types) than you had originally anticipated. I hope you can muster up enough courage to finally do it and do what you've wanting to do for appears to be a long time now. Best wishes .

 

I too feel guilty about not telling people the truth and sometimes even leading people to believe the entire opposite of who I am. I am becoming less inclined to do that now, but still frightened to actually come out. I don't think there's anything wrong with being scared.

 

Hi all! How are you doing? I am still feeling this guilt inside about not telling I am bi. Nothing changed with my fear since my last post.
Would be nice to talk to someone...

 

That depends. If you think one will take it negatively and the other positively, I'd do it seperately. I told my mom first, since I knew she might be supportive to some degree. However, timing is important. Don't tell them when they're in a bad mood. It may take a while for them to get used to it, but we here at EC will support your decision and hold your hand the whole way k? (&&&) Whatever you choose, just remember you are you and you can't just change the fact. I hope you don't try to hide forever, because that seems like hell in it's own right.

 

I also feel guilty for being in the closet, so I'm considering coming out to 2 of my closest friends soon. It's driving me crazy that no one knows!