I'm going to college soon and I want to be open about my sexuality, but I don't want it to be another thing I have to fight for. I'm terrified of people thinking I'm just saying I'm bi because it's 'cool' or that I'm another 'bi' female student. I have never done anything because it's cool, or the thing to do, in my life. I'm naturally a very honest person - my friends know that they shouldn't ask me a question if they don't want to know the answer, and I'm always the person they come to if they want an honest opinion - you'd be surprised at how many people do. I hate pretending to be someone I'm not, which I've had to do in the past in order to keep safe. And I also really hate stereotypes and having to fight for the right to be who I am. I'm just so incredibly tired of people saying; you can't be like that, or do that, because I can, and do. I've been fighting stereotypes all my life, and I really don't want being open about my sexuality to mean that I have to fight even more. On the other hand, I really don't want to pretend to be straight, and lie to people about who I am. I've no idea what I should do. I'd really appreciate any advice, similar experiences, or just to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.:help:
I really don't know how to avoid being seen as a stereotype, but one way might be to only tell people you're bisexual once you've talked for a few minutes, just so they don't see your bisexuality as your defining characteristic.
Yes I think that when somebody brings up personal details in an artificial sort of way that they are making a big deal out of it. 'Nobody cares, at least not in that fake-ass way' always pops up into my mind when people make it clear to you that they are 'gay/bi/trans/not into you/too good for this place' then I usually sort of go... "-1 pts." :dry:
Thanks for replying (*hug*). I wouldn't say it straight out, I'd probably just answer honestly if someone asked, or the subject came up, or hint at it, but I don't know if this is enough to stop people stereotyping me.
It is. For people that are worth it anyway. Don't make a big deal out of it, and it will be ok. Like, don't go around greeting new people in college by saying "Hey I'm Jane and I'm bi". That's just pushing it. But if you want to be open, you can bring it up later when you know the people better and the subject is relationships or something
I mean, as long as you know damn well that it's not your defining characteristic and you introduce it into the conversation eons later, after you've discussed other things, then you should be in the clear .
I was terrified when admitting to being Ace at first because I've slowly began to become flamboyant, as far as looks, personality, and such, and I didn't like it. But then people told me to be who I am, and to not be ashamed of it. They told me my new personality was because of that horrible weight being lifted off my shoulders. I'm no longer upset about being a different person than everyone else. My advice is don't let people intimidate you. Don't be someone you aren't because you don't want to deal with criticism. Be who you are. If you become a stereotype in College because you're bisexual, don't let it stop you from being yourself. After all, any people who turn you into a stereotype aren't worth being your friends.
Thanks for all the replies . I will just be quite relaxed about it, and if the subject comes up I'll mention it, hopefully that will be enough to stop the stereotypes. Mousekeeper, I'm really glad that you feel more able to be yourself, and that you have people who support you. I am more myself in the way I dress and act than I used to be - I previously hid it because I was genuinely concerned for my safety, I was threatened by someone, who I knew would definitely carry out their threat if they got the chance - thankfully I'm away from that person, though they still managed to make my life hell. But I'm becoming more relaxed in being myself, and I love it. It makes me feel so free and happy. (!)
I was never asked in college. After 5 years of college, no one ever asked me my sexual orientation - not even in relationships. It's a more adult place, not like high school. The dynamic is completely different. Why? Because the students who have been there longer set the tone typically. There is no way to really understand it now, but college is just a place to go, work on your degree with the best grades possible then gtfo and get a job. Really, that's all anyone cares about come Junior year. The really smart ones are in that mindset at Sophomore year. There are some slight differences in seriousness depending on if you are going to a junior college vs. a university however... Most likely there will be a LGBT group you can join (University of Houston had a large LGBT population and support center), those people won't care... If you are talking to a cute girl, things will probably follow naturally for both of you. Same if it's a boy. Here's the best part, outside of that group, most people also won't care. If you are going to a college away from home and are starting "new," just be who you are and set the standard for the future. You can always tell your new friends later that you don't want the people at home knowing easier than the other way around. Don't sweat it, you're done with high school. Welcome to the semi-adult leagues.
