I've recently accepted who I am but so far have been afraid of telling anyone else. I understand that its a personal situation and that it will vary, but can I ask who you came out to first and what made you trust that particular person? Both my parents and my sister believe in the traditional man-woman relationship only and make this known through discussion on topics such as gay rights. My old friends from high school are all straight and make the occasional unfriendly joke about being gay. My new friends from university all seem much more open minded but having only known them for a year the trust isn't really there yet. So I guess my question is any advice on who to decide to come out to first?
Do you have any LGBT friends or at least someone you know that will be accepting? That's a good and easier way to start. I came out to a friend, i knew he was bissexual. He was very, very helpfull, and didn't told anyone about it until i told him it was no longer a secret.
Having a history with someone (e.g. close family and friends) will often involve them having some sort of expectation of you as an adult - which often doesn't include an "alternative" orientation. Personally, if I had to start coming out from the beginning again, IF I wanted to take the easiest route first, I would start by coming out to people that I'm not extremely close to or who I have known my whole life. Kind of a practice run I guess. They also usually take it less personally and express a lot less shock. That's just from my experience. I guess it depends on if you want to get the difficult ones out of the way first (like a band-aid), or get some practice first. Peace! (*hug*)
No, not that I know of but thanks for the reply Thanks for the advice, I guess I could work up to telling a new friend from uni when the new term starts, it wouldn't seem so out of the blue for them
If you have any internet friends that aren't aware of your sexual orientation yet, you can start with them. If they react badly, you can simply cut off ties with them, and it's safer to do than to come out to someone living close to you. The first person I told was my friend. I came out as gender fluid, then told her that I was a trans man instead. She literally just went "that's okay dude, it's fine" and continued to talk. It was really awesome. As for why I chose her, it's probably because she tells me a lot of stuff too. She's very open to me about her feelings, so I thought I could be too. Also, the fact that she's 100% supportive of LGBT+ rights, and she made it clear she didn't just focus on the LGB. In any case, good luck!
I completely concur with Mangotree's advice. First tell people who have little emotional investment in you. There are two benefits: 1) you feel great 2) you get practice saying the words (not as easy as it may appear) Each time you tell someone, it gets easier...
I think that you should come out to your best friend. Think of that one person with whom you can confide in about anything. Coming out to them will definitely be a breath of fresh air. They'll be able to support you, offer consolation, and champion for whatever your best interests are. Do this first, and then have them help you come out to your other friends. Your parents and siblings should be the last set of people that you come out to, since they know you the best and deal with them the most. (By the way, don't you think that they have any hunch about your sexuality? I was surprised to know that my mom had an idea about my sexuality even before coming out to her a few years ago). About them wanting you to live a normal traditional husband-marry-wife type of life, do you think that outweighs you being happy and choosing to marry whomever makes you happy, in their minds? If they find that that outweighs having you, their son and brother, happy and content, then you should shut them out of your life.
I'm going to answer your question in 2 ways: The person that I came out to first and the person that I should've came out to first. The first person I physically told was my mother. I texted my friends telling them moments before, but it was so close in time (within an hour), that I count my mother as the first person. I was an idiot and blogged about my sexuality online, and someone who hated me found out and I feared that she would tell everyone, so I acted fast. I chose my mother as the first person because I am semi-close with her and I felt that she deserved to be the first person to find out. She did not take it well. She is only starting to slightly accept that I could possibly be gay, and I told her about a year ago. Person I should've told first: My coach. She was actually #4 (after my mom and 2 friends), and she had the best reaction to date. She would've been a better first choice because she is a teacher (could not completely go against me due to school policies), she is very accepting of all types of students, and she could support me and not be too close to me (like my mother) to be seriously hurt by my outing. I find it hilarious that my conservative republican coach who regularly attends church had a better reaction (and has supported me so much that my gratitude is ceaseless) than my democratic, semi-religious, liberal mother who before my outing supported gay rights. Shows you not to judge a book by its cover. The first person you tell may have a bad reaction; that doesn't mean that the next person won't have a great one. I regret my choice in first telling, but it only made me stronger for the next. Luckily my mother's reaction was the worst by far yet. In your case, I would tell a close friend (who is accepting) from your university first, so that you have a support system. Then soon after you should tell your parents.
You know, if you are not yet ready to broadcast yourself to the world, it's okay. It's a process my dear. In my situation, it took me 4 years to tell my friends about me being Bi. Not that I don't trust them, but I don't trust myself well-enough if I can accept what their reactions might be, so I observed them well, until I find the courage, that time I can feel that I know them well already. But in the the process, I'm still asking, fighting and hating myself from being like this until I realized that, I don't have to explain myself to anybody, as long as I know what I am exactly and my mind and heart understands each other, that's fine. If you are not ready yet, don't worry, if that is who you really are, then nothing can change you, because you know yourself more than anybody else does.
