Being Ready - Even Possible?

Basically, being ready is just some time after you're sure you want to come out, and you feel a moment of confidence.

 

The decision to come out is a very personal one. I don't think everyone knows for sure that they are ready, but it's sort of a balancing act. Staying in the closet can really cause a lot of problems. I found for me, when staying in was more harmful than coming out I decided it just had to be done. It was a matter of balancing living an empty life with being so different that I would never fit in. That was a painful journey but I have no regrets, even though it's hard.

 

For each person, that sense of readiness is different. I am a person who hates lying (including lying by omission), so when I couldn't handle concealing the truth anymore, I told those who mattered. After telling those few important people and getting VERY different reactions from each (hateful, nonchalant, supportive), I decided that it was best if I didn't have a big "coming out" and I could just drop hints. Being that I am shy, athletic and girly, my plan didn't work and many were oblivious to my sexuality and kept assuming that I was straight. On a day where I got a random boost of confidence, I came out on instagram, and haven't regretted my decision yet.


To answer your question: The first 4 people I came out to, I thought I felt ready, but I wasn't sure. When I came out to the public, I knew I was ready.
It was honestly one of the best decisions I ever made.. But it came after a year and a half after accepting that I was gay. When I came out to my "original 4", I regretted my decision many times. After coming out to most, I feel free. People don't pester on about my sexual life, just the way I like it.


Just follow your gut, not your mind.

 

The one thing I caution against is waiting for the "right time". Because the "right time" never arrives. You can always find an excuse why now isn't the right time. ("He's in a bad mood - I better wait until he cheers up." "He's in a good mood - I better not spoil it.") Sure, there are some definite bad times - I wouldn't come out in the middle of a funeral or wedding, for instance. But you'll know when you're ready when the anguish of not being out starts overpowering the fear of how they might respond.

Lex

 

For me, feeling ready meant feeling unable to keep it a secret any longer.

Saying sooner would have been much better. So all in all, I think by the time you consider coming out, waiting only makes it harder. It's like preparing to jump off a high cliff to water - the longer you stand there and stand down at the height, the smaller the chance you'll jump is.

 

I think if you feel that coming out is something you want/need to do and you feel you are not ready you should decide what change would make you ready--preferably something you can effect yourself--and then stick with that decision. When the time comes that you thought would make you ready, just assume you're ready and go. For me it was being reasonably financially independent--which I defined as finishing university. My parents are very religious and I knew someone in university whose parents had disowned him and it threw his college years into a terrible turmoil. Mind you, this was over twenty years ago--now I probably wouldn't have waited as long as I did but the landscape was different then. When the time came, did I feel ready? No. But I did it anyway--and my only real regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

One of the reasons I suggest doing it this way is that I think it comes in handy later to understand why you did it when you did. Almost everyone I know who came out say later than high school regrets not coming out earlier--myself included. For me it really is one of my major life regrets that I waited as long as I did. I felt that I missed out on so much and frankly had failed so completely to live up to and trust the love my family had for me. Having had a plan and really understanding why I waited exactly as long as I did has gone a long way in helping me forgive myself for something I deeply regret. As it turned out waiting was the wrong decision--but given the circumstances and the information I had at the time it was an understandable decision.

 

I don't think there is a set time to really be ready to come out. Take me as an example, I was going down hill. I kept doing destructive things (not drugs or drinking) placing myself in harms way usually. I felt just lonely even though people said they cared about me-it was my way to avoid the topic. I finally one day told my sister over the phone. She would ask me and I would avoid the topic. My sister said she still loved me no matter what. She then told me to tell our mother because my mom was really worried. One night I texted my mother and asked if I could speak to her that evening. I then sat her down and in a way I could not say the words. I had to just say I liked so and so... My whole world was falling apart in my head...I was in such denial and I hated myself.

Now I still have my doubts....like sometimes I will question if I am into girls. I see other girls who are lesbian and they are like wow that girl is hot and such. I am rather different. I don't typically announce to the world who I like. My mother rarely finds out. I would rather get to know the person and base my judgement on how they are as a human being. I can see an attractive girl and think she is attractive, but the first thought in my mind isn't let me get with her...its more of I would like to get to know her personality first. I also find I have to emotionally care about someone to do anything-which still hasn't happened.

 

I was never ready to come out. I did it out of necessity I was basically on the verge of suicide from not telling anyone so I decided to do it.

I came out to my friend when drunk. And my brother blabbed to my other friends.

I've only ever made a conscious decision to come out once to my mom.

One day you get to the point about not caring about being ready. I don't think I've ever been ready and basically everyone knows now.

 

I think being "ready" really just means you're tired of hiding or lying to those close to you. Coming out is a scary thing, even if you expect to be accepted there are always lingering doubts, and exposing something so personal always leaves you feeling a bit naked. I'm only in the very early stages of coming out, myself, but I will say I'm very glad I've been giving myself that push to start telling people. I know I can only handle positive or neutral responses right now so talking to people I am confident will be accepting has been immensely helpful in dispelling some of my fears. People like family members will be a ways down the road, as I know their reactions will be a lot more difficult to deal with.

 

I really don't know for me with two of my friends it just felt right. And for my other friend i came out by accident.(I need to learn the difference between delete and send) There is never really a good time to come out there rare just times that are better than others. So just wait until you feel like, yea you know what I'm coming out to you today, or you can accidentally f**k up like me and come out that way.

 

Regrets? Of course it depends on the situation, but unless you live in a community of people who would hate you for what you are - which I hope you don't - then any slight feelings of regret are overshadowed by the happiness you've done it