Hey, thanks for reading! :help: I'm 13 and bi. Please do not tell me I'm too young to know what I am, I am certain otherwise I wouldn't be coming out. So far I'm out to 3 people: my straight, very supportive best friend, my male bi friend, and my younger (10 year old) sister. My sister is grossed out, other than that the others have been positive. So here's what my divorced parents are like: Mom- she's liberal, atheist, and has a gay male close friend. She's not the one I'm really worried about. If I had to guess her reaction, it would probably be ok but she'd be concerned about me. She would probably think I'm just confused. Dad- the hard one. :bang: I'm worried about him. I'm definitely his favorite and the oldest kid, and I *Really* don't want to mess up our relationship. He's a stout conservative, religious. I love him and just don't want to hurt him. I can't really gauge his reaction. He brought me up disliking gay people. I remember as a kid laughing spitefully at pride before I knew what it was. He is, sadly, one of the main reasons I hated myself for so long. He taught me being gay was wrong. I want to come out to my parents. I'm sick of holding it in. So what I'm asking is to help me out with how to tactfully come out and what you think their reactions will be, how to cope with them and explain it's normal. Also, when to come out (I want to within a week or so) Thank you, I will keep the post updated on how it goes. :/
I certainly don't think you're too young to know, I was realizing I might be bisexual at 12. I think the best course of action might be to come out to your mom, and ask her for help with coming out to your dad. I usually suggest the "f**k it, I'm coming out" approach, but as this isn't the typical homophobic-parents situation, and you obviously want to maintain as close a relationship as possible with your dad, I think that getting your mom to help would be the best course of action, as she knows your father much better than I do, and probably much better than you do. As to when to come out, I think that depends on a lot of factors. I think that once you're sure you want to come out, it's a spur-of-the-moment thing. Personally, I want to start the school year with people knowing, so I'm going to come out to people in person and on facebook the day before school starts, and as my dad has a facebook, I need to come out to my parents before then, probably that day.
I never came out to my dad. I still don't know if he knows I'm gay. I can tell him when I'm about to get married, I guess. I would suggest coming out to one parent first. Take your time with your dad. If he reacts badly, give him some time. Guys don't like talking about their feelings, or so I've heard. Leave him alone to think for a bit.
Well if you do choose to come out to your father, then he has to decide. Is his steadfast dogma more important than his relationship with his oldest son? I sense that he wouldn't want to lose you, so you might be pleasantly surprised. I'm glad that you mustered up the courage to come out to some friends and your sister. These people can help you in the long run, due to the fact that now you have three people that will champion for whatever your best interests are . I would suggest coming out to your mother first, since she seems more understanding, and won't use religion as an excuse to hate your sexuality. It's a better chance that she'll accept you faster than your father, based on what you've told me. Although your parents are divorced (like mine), she can still help you overcome the hurdle of coming out to your dad. If he takes it badly and can't accept you as his son, like always, then you can just stay at your mom's house. He won't get to have that relationship anymore (ties into what I said in the beginning here). You basically can hold the relationship over his head as a collateral, essentially. "Dad, accept me and love for who I am, or else I will end this relationship with you and never speak to you again"-- you.
Thanks for all the help people! I didn't think I'd be getting it so fast and it's very appreciated! Love you guys! I think I will tell my mom this weekend when I'm with her, and my dad afterwords. I'll post it when it's done. I feel a whole lot better now. ---------- Post added 20th Aug 2014 at 06:23 AM ---------- Actually, I just remembered she's coming up to visit today. I'll tell her after school. Now I'm terrified. But I'm going to do it.
Good luck! I wanting to tell my parents soon, I'm in a slightly different position then you but I'm terrified ad well. I also think telling my parents that I'm "queer" shall be strange.
Well, yesterday I told my mom when we took a walk alone together. She took it really well, and apparently her sister, my aunt, is bi. She said she'd love me no matter what and always thought I was different. Mother's intuition is so odd. My mom seemed really worried about my dad, and we're going to tell him together. Guys, thank you for all the help!
