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Not taken seriously

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Nadski, Aug 20, 2014.

  1. Nadski

    Nadski Guest

    I've been out for quite a while to both my friends and my family. All my friends are lovely about it and i haven't had a single issue with them in regards to my sexuality. However with my family it's different.

    A lot of other people have tougher times coming out to their parents than me and i deeply sympathise, however, mine wasn't a walk in the park either. My mum is rather homophobic, not to the point where she would cast me out or treat me differently but she doesn't think it's right to be gay. She is adamant i am going through a phase, and my father says he disagrees with her but he pretends to agree just so she won't get angry at him. He keeps saying that if he said he sided with me he would have marriage problems, and this makes me feel like shit. He also somewhat agrees that i could be going through a phase, and believes i am still quite young to know what i want (i'm 18 years old and have known ever since i can remember that i liked girls). I told my father when i was 15 that i liked girls and he dismissed it until i brought it up again recently and came out to him properly.

    Even though i've tried time and time again to convince them it's not a choice to be gay and it's not something that can change nor would i want it to change they keep saying i can make my own lifestyle (or better) choices about it. i am quite a fem person however i have really short hair and whenever someone compliments it in the presence of my parents they make snappy remarks on how it is "too short" and when i confront them about how it hurts when they say snide remarks about how they don't like my appearance they dismiss it with "but it is too short".

    further to this, i have 2 male friends who are convinced they can "turn me" and are constantly flirting with me, even though i've told them time and time again i am not interested. Although i predominately like girls i wouldn't shut myself off from liking a guy however, i've never had an emotional connection (relationship wise) with one. But no one seems to take that seriously either.

    i'm just so tired of people treating me like i don't know myself and that they know me better, anyone have any advice? thanks
     
  2. Nychthemeron

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    You said it best - they're adamant. So be adamant too.

    If you're up to it, you can sit them down and have a serious conversation about it. Don't let them get distracted, and don't let them leave until you come to a clear, final verdict.

    If that doesn't work, I think the best thing you can do is just be yourself. Start acting as if they just accepted you as gay, and although you may get looks, they'll eventually have to accept it. This is you. Don't change for anyone else.
     
  3. Nadski

    Nadski Guest

    i've tried talking to my dad numerous times about it but his opinion or stance on the way he treats me or thinks of my sexuality is never compromised.

    I am definitely going to be myself, i'm just so sick of people trying to change me. But you're right i should be more adamant.

    Thank you so much for the advice i really appreciate it :slight_smile:
     
  4. user123456

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    Unfortunately that is true in other contexts, not just in sexuality.

    If you parents are ok with you, and are just finding it a little hard to accept homosexuality is a trait and not a choice, just go on with your life. One day you will find a girlfriend, introduce her to them and they will realize that's just the way you are and that it's not a phase :slight_smile:
     
  5. Nadski

    Nadski Guest

    i know, i didn't mean to make it just about sexuality

    i hope so, i mean i accept that they're in denial about it, but this has been going on for a long time and the things they say are really toxic and make me feel like crap all the time, it's not all about me i know but this whole coming out has been about how it's impacted them and there has been no sympathy for the fear i've been living in for years