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Now What?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Soseiru, Sep 10, 2008.

  1. Soseiru

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Minnepolis,Minnesota
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Recently I was just dumped from a 3 1/2 year relationship. We've lived together during that time and still our, due to rent issues. I can't get over it and I know I'm doing the wrong thing by stuffing all the other drama and stress in my life on top of what's really hurting my heart. I feel as though I did something wrong and know that I did of course make mistakes granted I'm human. However I can't help but feel as though my former partner dumped me for all the wrong reasons that just don't relate to our former relationship. Then again I don't no whether or not this thought occurs to me because I am being selfish.
    I hadn't ever dated prior to being with this person their sense of reality was one that amused me and taught me once again to have faith. I'm not going to pretend and say our relationship was perfect we had our issues; especially when it came to disagreeing with one another.
    We started drifting apart. My memory is foggy on the exact placement of events, if the dysfunction between the two of us started happening before or after my former partner became involved in role playing. In my perspective they were spending to much time role playing and barely paying attention to me. After many disagreements they ended up blowing me off. Now in my mind it all relates back to us not communicating well. One of the reasons they broke up with me is because they just don't want to date at all anymore, along with having a new thoughts about their sexual preference.Some of the other reasons related to them not being to happy with the way I was dealing with them role playing, "to much" that I was over reacting to the amount of time they spent role playing.
    Well now were separated as I've said above not only am I a little timid and on the fence about my own sexuality, my former partner is still dependent upon me emotionally, so I don't really want her hanging on me, it brings me back to my old emotions for them and the ones I still have, they still say they love me and I truly do want this person around and in my life, yet at the same time I don't think or know if that is exactly the healthiest choice to make. I keep trying to mule it all over and really think about what's best for me and where I see myself, but so much of my former thoughts, hopes and dreams included this other person. I'm at odds to how I should move on with my life and what I really need to do or should for myself.

    Any thoughts and advice is appreciated.
     
  2. Jim1454

    Full Member

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    Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets.

    That sounds like a tough situation. I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now.

    You got into this relationship at quite a young age - so it's not really surprising that you still had things to learn about your partner, and they had things to learn about you. People change all the time, and I think they change quite a bit in the transition from teenager to someone in their 20s. So neither of you are necessarily to 'blame'.

    Consider it one of life's lessons. You'll know yourself better going into your next relationship, and that's a good thing.

    However, based on what you've said, it does appear clear that you need to move on. That would likely include making a clean break somehow - either physically or at least emotionally. Physically would include moving as soon as it is possible to do so. While you might need a room mate, it doesn't have to be that person. Lots of people are looking for room mates to help cover the rent. So one of you can move out, and the other find a new room mate. It's not an impossible task - it's just harder in the short term than staying together.

    Emotionally you need to be very clear with your ex about boundries. She broke it off - so she needs to respect your needs and limits. At the same time, you had issues with her behaviour, so you need to remind yourself that this is probably for the better, and make the most of it.

    It sounds like you're still on speaking terms. There's no reason why this person can't remain a very good friend going forward. That will be up to the two of you.

    Good luck! And again, welcome to EC!
     
  3. Soseiru

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2007
    Messages:
    3
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    Location:
    Minnepolis,Minnesota
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yes the hardest thing right now is not being able to move out and be on my own. I think its a strain on them as well. Since the break up we've been getting along like the old days before things went sour. I'm still at odds on who close I want to stay with this person and it bothers me greatly that the answer to my own question can only be solved by time, which if you're like me you never feel you have enough of.
    By the way thanks you very much for responding to my very first topic.