I've only been out to myself as trans for a short while now and a situation has arose that might force me to come out. My mum is dragging me shopping on Wednesday next week. She is expecting me to buy girls clothes, obviously, and I am not happy with that, obviously. I would put up with it but I know she's going to make me buy dresses and skirts. I know it will cause me severe dysphoria if I wear these clothes, but I can't not. I need new clothes, and she is getting suspicious of the androgyne-ish stuff I currently wear. I won't get away with buying masculine clothes, and she refuses to let me shop alone. I don't know what to do. I'm also dreading school. Girls are forced to wear green skirts, tights and pinstripe blouses, which is not only unbelievably ugly but also not my thing, you know, as a guy. Boys get to wear black blazers, trousers and ties. No green, no pinstripe, nothing. I find it very sexist, but there we have it. If I came out to the school, I'd might be allowed to wear boys uniform, maybe, possibly. I'd also want to get a haircut before school restarts, but that's in a week. As you could probably tell from the first paragraph, I really don't want to come out yet. Sorry for venting, EC, I'm just upset about the situation. I was wondering if anyone had any advice about what to do? I know I need to come out some day, but I've not even fully come to terms with my own transgenderness.
Before you come out to the school, I think you have to come out to your mother. Is she someone you may think is transphobic?
I don't know. She was accepting of my bisexuality, but that's a different thing. The family has made transphobic comments before but not out of spite, out of ignorance. We were watching Rocky Horror and the jokes about "shemales" started. Honestly I don't know if she'd understand, I've always been her "little girl" to her and she might not take it well.
If you decide to come out to her, I think you may want to talk it out, then. Make sure you answer all her questions honestly, and if she drops the typical "are you sure?" or "it's just a phase," explain to her why it isn't, and sound confident. I guess that's really all the advice I can give you. When I came out, I wasn't confident or assertive. I was just crying really hard. If you end up like that, it's okay. Don't be ashamed. You know yourself and your family the best. So all that's left is thinking about what to do and just doing it. Don't plan it all out, because then you'll get nervous. Just do it. Best of luck. (*hug*)
Good luck and please update us on all of this . And yes, I do think that your school's uniforms seem sexist in a way.
Are skirts definitely a mandatory part of your schools uniform? Most schools I know of seem to offer the option of skirts or trousers. I know that's only part of the uniform, but it's quite a significant part when we consider issues of gender identity. The question you need to ask is.. would it be better to come out to your Mum now so she understands (and will hopefully support you and help explain to the school) or go through an entire academic year wearing a uniform you despise with severe dysphoria? Unfortunately, it seems to be a case of what is the best worst option. I'm sorry you are in this difficult situation. Whatever you decide, keep venting. Better than bottling it up.
Thank you. I'll let you know when I do come out and how it went. And yes, my school uniform is sexist to me, but we've been around since about the 1200s... it's never going to change ---------- Post added 22nd Aug 2014 at 07:46 PM ---------- Yep, skirts are mandatory, even for sixth form students... we are a very old fashioned school. I've even specifically asked our headmaster if it was possible for girls to wear trousers, but the answer was no, never. Currently I am suffering from depression and unfortunately the uniform isn't going to help in any way whatsoever in regards to that, it will sicken me, but honestly if my mum doesn't accept me I have nowhere to go. My dad is not part of my life. I don't think I can risk it. It really is the lesser of two evils. Thank you so much for your support, Linco. It means a great deal to me I'm just hoping that when I do come out both the school and mum will be okay...
I found this article from the Huffington Post (there are some extra links at the end of the article): Let Boys Wear Skirts To School, Says Children Adviser Tam Baillie It might be worth doing a bit of reading on the convention on the rights of the child, just in case you run into problems with the school. It sounds like your school needs to examine its uniform policy. You may also have additional protections under the terms of the Equality Act 2010, but you would need to check that with the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHCR).
Thank you very much for the links. I know I'm not the only one in the school who is fed up with the uniform so I think if I could get a petition going and then present the information that you've given me to the Headmaster he might come around. Thank you for your help!
Hey guys, I know it's been a while but I just wanted to update you on the situation. I was too chicken to come out, as suspected, but I ended up sneaking in a couple of androgynous tops into the basket that I intend to wear religiously, instead of all the girly crap she bought me. As for the school, I intend to come out to my therapist when I go back (in a day!) and see if she can help me. If not, I'll think of some other plan. Thanks for all your support guys, it means a lot to me
