I've known since I was about 15 that I was a lesbian and I've been in the closet for that long. Now that I'm almost 20 I feel like I can't hide anymore and that I need to come out to my family and be able to feel free and unafraid anymore. My mother is very hypocritical; she loves gay men, goes to drag queen shows and hangs out with gay men, but god forbid she ever hang out with a gay woman. She's always saying how disgusting lesbians are, how they make her sick, and she's even told me that if I ever came out gay that I'd have to move out. So for years I've had to tolerate with her making jokes about lesbians, hearing about how sick they are, and I can't ever defend them because then she'd know. I'm very close to my mom. My dad is dead and I'm an only child so I like to think that we have a close bond, but, I don't know how close we'll be after she finds out. I don't wanna lose my relationship with my mom, but I can't keep hiding in the closet. What should I do?
I just saw a video with Dan Savage where he talks about adult children coming out to their parents. Unfortunately, I can't find it now but basically what he says is in order to be successful (my word not his), you need to treat them like a child having a tantrum. You wouldn't let a child control or manipulate you by continually throwing tantrums so why let your parent have, what essentially are, a bunch of tantrums about your sexuality? He gives them one year to get over it and you tell them they have one year and if they don't shape up after that year, you're out of there. He says the one thing you hold over them is YOU in their life. Who will care for them when they're old? This seems particularly apt in your situation as you are an only child. Mind you, she might surprise you and be fine! Anyway. I thought it was very interesting and thought of it when I read your post. Not sure if you can apply it to your situation but might be something to think about. If I find the link, I'll post back with it.
If you haven't all ready my advice would be to try to get her to give you a reason as to why gay women are different to men, if that doesn't work become finacally independent so you can move out if that is best for you.
