----- Warning, long post ahead!!! ----- So I'm looking to come out to nearly everyone as trans* by next week, starting with my mom, who I am writing a letter to. Along with some help with reviewing this letter, I'm also looking for a bit of advice to prepare myself for this. I'm super scared, and I really do not want to chicken out. In my head, I'm already trying to convince myself to not do this, even though I want to come out so badly. I know that over this week, my inner doubts will surface at full force, and that I will tell myself over and over that people will tell me that it's a "phase", that I am confused/not, or even tell me that it is wrong. I know that so many things can go wrong, even though that I am sure that I will not be disowned. Is there any way that I can somehow mentally prepare myself for this? It's going to be a tough week-long wait. As for the second part of this, I need someone to help me look over my letter and give me advice as to what I'm missing, don't need, and what I need to change in my letter to make it the best coming out letter it can be. I've borrowed a few lines from other letters, because I have difficulty wording some things. I hope no one minds, I lost the sources, so sorry!!! :icon_sad: Also let me know if it is too long and if I've gone too far into detail (info. overload). I still think the letter is kinda rough, but I'll see what you guys think. It's quite a personal letter (Probably too much info here :icon_redf), so heads up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Mom, I know that I’m not really the type of person to write letters very often, but there are a few things that I would like to say as this little bird leaves the nest. I am really looking forward to starting school in a few days, and it’s amazing to know that I will finally start working my way towards doing something that I will really love. So far everything seems to be going smoothly and I think that I'm ready for this new exciting adventure called “college”. But this isn't really what this letter is about. I am writing this letter because I thought it would be the best way to explain things to you. There is something I want to share, and before you read it, I would like you to know that I am the same person that I was before and that I will always love you, and hope that in telling you this, we can strengthen our relationship. I am transgender. This means that even though I was born biologically female, my mind does not align with this, which sometimes makes me feel discomfort with my body and social role called gender dysphoria. Gender is a very difficult concept, and it took me a long time to understand what it is and how it feels to me. Not all males are going to want to be men, and not all females want to be women, there are some people who internally know they aren't either binary gender (male/female). I myself identify as demimale. Demigender (demi meaning half, so “half-gender”) is a type of gender identity that can be both binary and non-binary. Depending on the individual person, it can mean many different combinations of gender identities. To me, demimale means that while I partially identify as male, I also feel partially agender (genderless). I have considered the possibility that this could all just be a phase, but I strongly think that it is not. The questioning of my gender identity did not come from any outside influences; it purely came from my own desire to find out who I really am as a person. Even if there was a chance that this is a phase, I’d rather live life and explore who I am as a person than live with all of the “what ifs” I would face if I choose to ignore these feelings like I have for so long already. I have contemplated my identity for quite some time, and now I am quite certain this is how I truly feel. For many years, I have ignored and suppressed these feelings. So naturally, at first I was confused when I related a lot to many transgender individuals after I had started researching what transgender meant. In the beginning, I did think that my gender was simply male, but I know my identity is a little bit more complex than that. Ever since I could remember, starting around 5 years old, I've fantasized about being male or becoming male. I did this secretly because I knew that it wasn't something acceptable by society’s standards. Eventually those fantasies became longing for a male body over time, and sometimes I even feel a little bit of jealousy towards biological males because of this. For a while, at [Insert convention name here] I drew a great amount of pleasure in dressing up as male characters. After being mistaken for a boy several times, I noticed that it felt really good. Being called “her”, “she”, and “miss” has always felt wrong to me, but being called “he” just feels so right. When planning for my graduation, although we looked at and tried on dresses, I really just wanted so badly to ask to wear a tux instead, as beautiful as the dress we chose was, it didn't feel quite right. Yet, even through all of this, I realised that I just want to live my life as who I am, a human and treated like a human being, rather than a male or female, even though I desire a male body. I don’t want to look in the mirror and see someone who is not me anymore. I’m telling you this because I need you now more than ever, and I want you to know the real me. This is no one's fault and no one has done anything wrong, this is just who I am and always have been. I look forward to discussing this further with you in person later. Your loving kid, [Insert a name here???] --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Also, I'd like to add that I'm not sure which name to "sign" this as, I'm not really into using my "real" name, but I don't have a name that I have officially picked out even though I've been thinking of trying "Rowan" first. Thoughts? Thank you for taking the time to read this, and any help is appreciated!
i think the letter is grate. you put enough information to let her know what it is you are telling her, but it still leaves some room for her to ask any questions she has. as for the name, i would probably sign it as the name in witch your mom calls you, or best knows you by. i feel that it might through a little too much into the mix all at once, and instead of signing it as Rowan, that you might be best telling her her about it. good luck!
Thank you very much. That does make a lot more sense, I don't want to be confusing her by signing with a different name. I just noticed that on some other letters that other trans*folk put both their birth name and chosen name at the end, but I guess I shouldn't, and decide the name with her. Thanks again.(*hug*)
Wow great letter, very well explained to someone who is not well educated in gender issues (me) Hope it goes well!
Its your decision and risk what you say... might it help to hint to biological findings ? From another thread: You could mentally play it through (not too often) , seeing the desired outcome. Just seeing this all with a feeling of love... I mayself take walks (watch your safety, not in the middle of the night), but not too long or I'd get moody. (*hug*)
Thank you very much for the feedback guys! (*hug*) I'll keep some of that in mind, though I personally don't feel that including some of that information is necessary in the letter, though I can probably mention some of it to her when I talk to her in person.
