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My biggest Dilemma

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by RaiRai3, Aug 24, 2014.

  1. RaiRai3

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    So here is my dilemma. I came out to my parents and they took it really badly. Long story short my mother might commit suicide if I come out again to her again, I told her i will turn straight, and divorce my dad if I leave the house. Soon I will be in college and I have no idea where to go from here. If I come out I lose my entire family and run the risk of my mother committing suicide and divorcing my dad. If I stay closeted and make them estrange ( just stop talking to them ), then I will eventually lose my family but in the mean time I will constantly have to be lying to my mother, my dad doesn't care about my sexual orientation. I feel as if I owe that to my father sense he has helped me through this crisis of coming out but my mother is makings it a living hell for me to stay with her. I get no privacy, I can't even be alone in the house without supervision, because she is convinced that the outside world is the cause of this. College is gonna be the first time I might actually get some privacy and movement but even then I don't know how it will be. I simply can not handle my mother anymore and I am suffering greatly due to her, I actually need to see a psychiatrist about my self esteem, depression, anxiety, nightmares, and more. What should I do...Should I try to tough it out through college and make them estrange. Or drop the bomb again and let things go the way they go.
     
  2. GrumpyOldLady

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    If your father is supportive, I think he could be the first person to go to, maybe you could ask him to help intervene with your mother or at least help you get some counseling? Depending on where you live, there will probably be some sort of LGBT resource center at college (maybe there's even one in your area?) to fall back on, as well.

    I can imagine that you might want to lie low until you start college to decrease the drama as long as you're living at home, but I'll only add that your life choices are your own to make once you are an adult, and your mother (or anyone else, for that matter) is in the wrong to make you feel as if you are responsible for her happiness or lack thereof no matter how old you are. You would definitely not be responsible for your parents' divorce or your mothers' suicide; that's ridiculous if you think about it.
     
    #2 GrumpyOldLady, Aug 25, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 25, 2014
  3. Yossarian

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    Your mother is trying to blackmail you into being straight for her own ego. This is wrong on so many levels that there is no way to deal with her other than to protect yourself and call her bluff by acting rationally yourself. Your father is the person who needs to deal with her inappropriate behavior and phony hysteria, not you. You need to keep a cool head until you are out of the house (which you definitely should be) and off to college, then what you do with your friends will be out of her sight, which is where it should be.

    When the adults act like drama queens and children, the children have to act like adults and grow up faster. Leave your mother behind to her fantasies and start building up your support network of friends once you get to college. Don't even think about living at home while in college, even if you have to use student loans and financial aid to make it work. When you are out of the house, your life will get much simpler and normal, and you can leave the drama behind and concentrate on your studies and an appropriate social life for a gay man, with your new friends.
     
  4. HTBO

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    This is excellent advice. Your mother is trying to emotionally manipulate you and you will never find peace or happiness if you allow that. Her reactions are her responsibilities. Go to college and enjoy your life. Think of it as a new beginning.(!)