Hey , I'm new to this website and I think I need some help !! I'm 20 years old , I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian but I haven't told anyone yet . The thought of telling anyone scares me actually , I need some advices and is it really important to come out at all ?
After coming out, you will feel like you can finally be yourself. It will be liberating. At least it was for me. I think it's totally worth it but only if you feel ready. *Tips Time* -When coming out to someone for the first time, try to find someone who you think will accept you. A close friend that you know to be OK with LGBTQ+ stuff, a queer person etc. This will make you feel more confident about yourself. -If you are having a hard time uttering the words, saying it in front of a mirror out loud might help. Practice makes perfect. -Know that despite someone's reactions, you are still a worthy human being that deserves respect and love. -It'd be better not to come out to your parents if you are not financially independent and fear a very negative reaction. If you think it won't be that bad, it's not out of bounds. -Tell people at the pace you feel comfortable. You don't owe it to people to let them know.
For me, it helps to define exactly what the fears are. Here is some of them: 1. My secret getting out to everyone, and having people pick/make fun of me. 2. That my personality might change negatively into someone else. 3. People distancing from me. 4. Uncomfortable conversations with people probing into my personal life. 5. Feeling humiliated, ashamed, and shunned. I think the key to demolishing most of my fears resided in my beliefs and assumptions of homosexuality. Once fully realized that there wasn't anything to feel ashamed about, most of those complications in that list became neutralized. The first thing I realized when I came out, is that my closest friends didn't make it that big of a deal. "Oh, okay, I have a few other friends who are gay. It's cool. Can we order some pizza now?". Just knowing that there are lots of people like this, it was easier to be realistic of what the generalized perspective was of it. For sure, some people don't approve, but there is also many who don't mind or judge. I also thought that all of a sudden, my personality would change and I would start acting weird. Each time I came out, I noticed only one thing change. I was still the exact same me as before, except I felt more comfortable, open, and relaxed. My confidence took a boost. Other than that, everything about me remained the same. One of my friends instantly started probing a lot of uncomfortable questions. I started answering them truthfully, because her intentions were good, she was just curious. And by that time, I realized I was still not ashamed of who I was. But eventually, I ended up politely telling her that her questions were making me uncomfortable, and she respectfully stopped. If anything, she is now even more intrigued and interested in who I am. Which kinda flatters me. My secret did slip out to some other people, and I was faced with a choice of feeling like I should get defensive and embarrassed, or just remind myself how me being homosexual could be a good quality I have. Whether people approved or not, I seen that it generally doesn't get brought up, and as long as I act confident, the image that I give to people would be perceived as a positive one. It's really hard to make the first step. But that's when the learning experience starts, and you gather very useful wisdom along the way. Before very long, when you are open to the people that are close to you, you get these benefits: - A more calm and relaxed disposition - A boost in confidence - Deeper connections with friends - Help and support that is better tailored for you - The same awesome person that you always were.
Thank you all for offering your help . My fears are probably because my community , friends and family are not that open minded , the only person I think will be okay with me being a lesbian is my sister but still I'm afried cause what if she isn't okay with it . I come from a catholic family and I'm pretty sure that most of my family are homophobic and I'm not completely independent yet but I fell like something is missing like I need to tell someone to get it out to for once be myself but still i'm scared and I don't have enough confident which is slowly killing me !!!
Try to find out if your sister has an issue with it would be a start, one supportive person can make a difference.
How whould I know without telling her ? I know she's not a homophobic and she is okay the whole LGBT community but I'm afried that she will have a problem with "me" being a lesbian .
I don't know try bringing up something a female friend said and then go I love that girl, see her reaction then add like a sister or friend or something.
I surely will I just reay hope she's okay with it .I just need someone , anyone actually to accept me 'the real me'.
Well good luck, my best friend was the the first person I told she is also the closest I have to a sister
