So the thing is... I'm getting read to come out, BUT, who should I come out to first? I have a few candidates: 1. My Mum 2. My Gay 'Friend' 3. My Liberal Teacher 4. My Councillor So... 1. My Mum: Pros: - Likely to be supportive. - We have a close relationship. Cons: - I live with her, so if I get a bad reaction... - She's the only other person I live with, and I don't want my sexuality to become an elephant in the room. 2. My Gay 'Friend': Pros: - No fear of a bad reaction. - Understands my situation. Cons: - I don't know her that well. - I don't know if I can trust her. 3. My Liberal Teacher: Pros: - I know her attitude to LGBTQ people is good. - I know her well. Cons: - While I know her well, I can't be sure how trustworthy she will be. - I won't be able to speak with her privately very often. 4. My Councillor: Pros: - I can only assume she'd be accepting. Especially as she is my gay 'friend's councillor also. -As a councillor she is sworn to secrecy. Cons: - I don't want to come out for the first time to someone I see as a stranger. - I have to book appointments in order to speak with her, and cannot contact her any other way. - I was hoping to come out on National Coming Out Day (11th of October) this year, but I don't want to rush, so this is not necessary. I am going to Italy on a school trip in October, and my gay 'friend' is going. I thought that perhaps this would be a good opportunity to speak with her. However, where and when will I be able? So yeah. I need help. I want to come out in the next year or so, but I first need to choose who I will come out to first! What do you suggest? :help:
You'll know who to choose when the time is right trust me... But... I'd say tell your mother or your gay friend. From what you've said your mother seems like she'd be supportive and that she'll love you no matter what (As all mothers should ) and as for your sexuality being an 'Elephant in the room' I wouldn't worry about it too much. After telling my family they accepted it and haven't brought it up since. As for your gay friend... I'd say it'd be safe to tell her. Firstly, she's gay. She knows what its like, she knows every process a gay person goes through so I highly doubt she'd 'out' you. She'd only do that if she was genuinely a horrible person which from what you've said, she's probably not. However, going back to my initial advice... choose who you think is the right person to choose. That's what I did and it worked out fine.
I'd try your gay friend. As a pro, you said she would understand your situation. Since she has been in the closet herself, it's likely (not guaranteed) that she'll be trustworthy because she knows how scary coming out for the first time is. I wasn't that close to the first person I came out to, but I knew she'd take it well and I couldn't afford a bad response. It actually brought us closer for awhile (we drifted apart for other reasons). In the end, it's up to you, since it's all about you and you know them better than us Edit: Coming out on Nation coming out day is a good idea, but there's a slight chance they may think it's a joke :lol:
The thing is, I don't really think she was ever in the closet. It sounds strange I know, but she seems to have realised her sexuality, and having an extremely liberal family, and being a very open person, she simply expressed what was going on in her head. I don't want her to feel that I ought to come out, so go round telling people. I know she likely wouldn't... but I still can't be sure...
The first person I came out to was my gay best friend. Id recommend that as they will understand and usually accept you. It also gives you someone to go to in case for some horrible reason Mum doesnt accept you or at the very least just needs some time and space to think about the situation you would at least have someone supportive to go to. Even if you arent that close to your friend this could bring you closer as you now have something in common.
I guess that you are right. The problem is we are so distant, I'm not even sure whether I would call her a friend or not... I don't want to come out to somebody I don't feel is trustworthy...
I suppose you are right. I just wish I knew her better, then I would definitely come out to her first.
Coming out to her first could be a big help to you. Try talking to her and let her know about yourself. She may be able to help or give advice on coming out to your family and others. Sharing this common bond could bring you closer.
I would tell your councillor first. She is trained to help with these situations and could help if anything does go wrong along the way. You're probably not the first one who has came to her with this issue. Councillors are not going to judge and can't tell anyone. It is a pretty save bet even if it isn't overly beneficial there is really down side to telling her.
I guess that is true... Thanks for all the advice! That is true... Perhaps councillor, then gay friend? Thanks for your help!
I came out to my best friend. Coincidentally, I'm laying in bed next to her as I type this. I came out of the closet to her about 2 1/2 years ago, lying in my bed the same way we are right now. She still spends the night with me almost every weekend because to her, it doesn't matter if I'm gay or not, I'm still her best friend...and she's mine. :love:
That is such a nice story! I'm glad you and her get on so well together! The only problem is, is that she is far from being my best friend... I'm not sure if she's even a friend...
If you don't feel you can trust her and don't feel comfortable with others knowing then your counselor is someone you can absolutely trust to not tell others. You still have some time to scope out the situation and decide about her trustworthiness so don't commit yourself to telling her based on our advice.
Friend wise I came out my one of my very close bi/gay friends first. But before that I told my mum, dad, brother and sister. I think family might be ideal, as if your friends don't accept you or your finding difficulty with it your family is always there. Bad family reactions to me are unthinkable, but my coming out has been extremely easy tbh. I see the odd look and smirk/laugh but I have plenty of people who support me, and today the judgemental homophobes seem to be the minority. We're moving into an extremely accepting generation, stand up yourself and just tell everyone and prove that gay is right and shouldn't be judged or frowned upon. I came out to my mum first, and since then I could not be happier Good luck
Thanks for your advice! I always wanted to come out my Mum first... But I'm not sure I have the courage... I know she'd be accepting, BUT as her only child I don't want to upset her, as I obviously won't be able to have children of my own...
I would say that Mom is a safe bet and that telling her would probably give you the strength to tell others. If you have a best friend, LGBT or not, that is where I stared personally and it worked out great for me. I wish you the best of luck no matter who you choose to come out to. (*hug*)
I'm not sure about my best friend. He's not homophobic per se, but he's not exactly welcoming to the LGBT community either... I'm sure my mum would be supportive, but in my opinion coming out to my mum is a bigger deal than my councillor or other non-family member, so I'm not sure whether I'd be able to go through with it, without coming out to someone else first... Thanks so much for the help. (*hug*)
Why not your friend? It'll help get it out of the open and if you don't know her that well she's less likely to spread it.
