Breakdown Much?

I feel like I'm on the verge of a break down. I this cold has put me in a really bad mood. I dont know. I feel so alone. I feel like I've grown apart from everyone around me. Like there is a rift, and I dont know how to close it. But it feels like its my fault, like its one sided. I mean, I'm there for so many people. I support people emotionally, and I help them threw hard times. Listen to them break down, comfort them, and help them threw it.

I dont have that for myself. I dont have someone who can hold me. Some one who's chest I can lay my head on and cry, as they wrap there arms around me. I need someone to talk to, but its more than that. I need to be physically comforted also. No offence to EC, but I can vent my feelings here all I want, and in the end I may feel alittle better, but there is still something missing, something that text and pixels cant give.

I'm so confused, so confused that I'm not even sure what I'm confused about. I think I need to see a councilor, but I don't know one, and I don't have spare money to spend on counciling if it costs anything. I feel like I'm in a rut. I want someone to love, and to love me, but I dont feel like I'm good enough. Its my fault tho. I mean, I want these things, but more often than not I just sit around wanting them.

I dont put my self into situations to meet alot of new people, and its not because I'm shy, or afraid to meet people. It just feels like I get distracted by life, Like other things come up, more dire, and I have to put myself on hold, and help someone else. I cant seem to turn someone in pain away, even when I'm in pain myself. I comfort people the way I would want to be comforted. I genuinely listen to them. I dont Judge, I offer advice, and try as hard as I can to be completely real, and unbias in what I say, but I try to put it in a way to avoid offence when offence might be taken otherwise.

I dont know. I'm sorry about this wall of text. I'm bad about typing so much. I just have so much on my mind most of the time. If anyone actually read this far thanks. I dont know what anyone would advise to this. I dont know why I even typed it out. I guess I just needed to vent.

 

Yeah, I do contrubute some of the feeling to having a chest cold, being sick always puts me down. And I agree, I need a Hug . I've been trying to go out, and meet new people and stuff, but I live out in a very rural area, It takes forever to drive anywhere, and the gas it costs.... I feel stuck at home most of the time, and that doesnt help matters at all.

 

Not really. I mean, me and a friend of mine were going to get an apartment together after highschool, but that didnt work out lol. Another reason I'm not moving out right now is because my mom is going threw some tough times... I feel like if I left I would be abandoning her, and I could never do that. I love her way too much to leave her in the situation she is in. I cant vent my frustrations to her, because she already has so much going on that I couldn't force my issues onto her, I mean more often than not, I'm sitting there listening to her vent, and helping her cope.

I've grown distant from almost all my friends I've had in highschool. I've not had any falling out or anything with them, Just being apart, not seeing them on the regular basis that I did back in school. I dont want to say I've become anti social, or reclusive, but Its like there is so much going on around me here at the house. I feel like it takes priority over the other things right now, but lack of social contact outside of family is really really getting to me.:bang:

 

Well, I actually live in Forsyth, Monroe county, but I'm like right at the Forsyth/Jackson line, fifteen minutes to either town, The only place I ever really go in macon is to Riverside for the new mall, and even then I usually just head over to the Barnes&Noble.