Coming Out As Trans Letter

I wrote a letter to my mom to come out to her, but before I gave it to her I wanted to at least have somebody else read it and make sure it made sense and I don't sound like this was a rushed decision. Any tips on making it better are appreciated!
Just some background, I've known I was trans since seventh grade, and I though I was lesbian in sixth grade, when I came out to her as gay. So, this would be my second time coming out to her. She's fine with me being into girls, but constantly pesters me to present myself in a more "girly" manner and thinks I only dress and act like a boy for attention. Hopefully, after I come out to her she'll rethink that. So, at last, here's the letter I wrote (though, using some letters I found on the internet as a guide to write it).


Dear Mom,

I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something for a while, but I didn’t really know how to say it, or what to say, and I was worried about how you’d take it. It’s important for me to remind you that I do love you, and I’m your kid, I’m still me, no matter what I tell you in this letter. None of this has to do with things you’ve told me in the past, and it certainly isn’t at all your fault. Just know this is incredibly important to me and that I’m scared to say all of this, but I trust you, and love you enough to know that you will handle this well, and after this confession I can start living completely honestly.

When you read this, I want you to wait twenty-four hours before bringing it up. I want you to take the time to think about what this means to me. I don’t want you to act impulsively and freak out. You need to think it over before talking to me about it. I want the conversation to be calm, so it’s necessary for you to have thought it through. I haven’t told dad yet, so I hope you understand how much I trust you by saying all this.
For a while now, since sixth grade at least, I’ve been questioning my gender. And by that, I mean I think I could be transgender. And I know that probably seems massive, and it is big, but it shouldn’t change your view of me. I am still your child, whether I’m a daughter, son, or otherwise. Just hear me out, read the whole letter.

I know when I was younger, I was girly, but that period doesn’t mark me forever. And ever since fourth grade, when my gym coach called me James, I realized that’s the name I wanted to go by. I wished time and time again that year that I had been born a boy, but eventually came to a new conclusion. I thought back then “well, when I’m older I’ll tell mom about this.” I promised myself when I was old enough I would come out to you about this, though I only realized in 6th grade the true extent of my feelings on this subject. And now, to my mixed hopefulness and nervousness, the time has come for me to tell you. I think that three years is too long to hide a secret like this from your parents, but it doesn’t matter because I’m telling you now.

As you know, I’ve changed a lot since then, my view of myself and my gender being just one of the many things. I hung out, and still do hang out, with girls and boys, and feel at ease with both of them. But that doesn’t mean my friends are the reason I want to be identified as a boy. This is my discovery, I’m not trying to “copy” the boys in middle school. Though, for a very long time I felt like I could relate more to boys than girls. I assumed my feelings were simply because I was lesbian, but I think it’s more than that. You know my clothing taste is more boyish than girly, and you know I’ve always want a tuxedo, in spite of the fact that it’s very uncomfortable. But dresses make me feel even more so, not because of the fabric, the design or the pull of the dress, but because it presents me in a way that conflicts with who I am on the inside. Ever since I entered middle school and this all began, I haven’t felt entirely comfortable with being called a girl, or a woman, or being put with the girls in PE. I felt like I didn’t belong to them, and I don’t. And, there’s no easy way to put this, but I’ve never been comfortable with having a female figure. Hips especially. I don’t like it, it doesn’t feel right to me. When I look in the mirror, I see what is supposed to be me, but I don’t feel like that’s me; that’s someone else’s body with my mind. I always have two reactions to seeing my reflection, either numbness, like I’m looking at someone else, or it drives me to tears on occasion. I want my body to match my mind, but as long as you don’t know this, that’s not possible.

So, in case you were thinking it, no I’m not doing this for attention. No, I’m not doing this to be different from the other kids. I want more than anything else to just be a normal boy, that’s all. I came to this conclusion by myself these past two years, no one told me I was transgender. I really feel this way, like the person you see me as is nothing more than a mask I have to wear because everyone expects me to be a girl. But, I’m not, and you can’t change that with any number of girly, low cut shirts, skinny jeans, make-up and shaved skin. All of that will only make me feel worse about myself, as I hope you have realized by now. I want to be able to have my hair cut in a more boyish fashion, and be able to get more masculine clothing, which I hope you’ll agree to. And, of course, I want to go by he/him pronouns, and a new name, though right now, I’m still deciding what name exactly. So basically, I want to live as who I really am, a boy. I hope that by asking this it isn’t too much, since really it shouldn’t be for someone who raised three children.

For a while, I’ve trusted a few very close friends with this information, and they called me by an alternative male name and used he/him/his pronouns for me, and it feels nice. Fitting. For the first time I can actually feel happy when somebody starts talking to me, using my name. Whereas Sarah make me want to cringe. Ever since I was little, I always hated that name, and I’m sorry, and know that’s what you loved and chose for me, but it’s the truth. That’s not my real name, and it hurts me when people call me by it.

I know this is a lot to process, and I know twenty-four hours isn’t long to take it in, given I’ve had since sixth grade to really think about it. But don’t ignore this. Take me seriously. I know you said we're all too young to know these things, but I’m not saying I know. I’m not saying things can’t change. I’m saying this is where I’m at now, and I want you to be on the same page as me.

I love you.
If you have any questions, please ask me.

Love, Sarah.
(Or if you want to make my day, James.)

Ps. Sorry if I worried you that I was in trouble or anything like that. This is what has been bothering me since I went to school, not anything else.


Is it any good?

 

Thanks for all your comments! They helped me a lot! I was scared about giving it to her, because I felt like it needed to be improved a lot, but now I can't use that excuse to chicken out of it. I was planning on giving it to her Tuesday before school so she'll have the entire school day to think it over at least, if she doesn't wait longer, but we'll see about that.