it's a Friday afternoon and I'm not out with my friends. my anxiety is at a peak, and I really don't have anyone here to talk to. I'm 17, I have SATs next week, I don't have a date for junior prom, and I'm under tons of pressure. I am beginning to think that I am depressed, because I have been holding back something for the longest time. Theoretically, it shouldn't matter at all, but I am attracted to guys, and I have never specifically told that to anyone in my entire life. The distressing thing for me is, I don't really fit the "gay" stereotype. I used to play football, lacrosse, and track, and I like similar music, clothes, movies, and activities as my straight friends. What I hate most is how hard my sexuality is to define. The thing is, I can be attracted to women, but it's not as consistent as my attraction to men. At the same time, I am not attracted to my male friends; there is a handful of men that I find extremely attractive (and they are usually stocky and mature looking). When I feel most comfortable with myself, I fear that I'm repressing the fact that I am attracted to men. If I were to come out as "gay," I feel that it would be a misrepresentation of my sexuality, and personality. People might think of my as drastically different if I came out, even though I have kind of a straight personality. Even so, I can't deny that I prefer watching porn movies with men in them, and often fantasize about guys. What's worse is that my parents are completely irrational people. My dad would be extremely hurt if I were to come out to him. My mom would eventually accept it, but it would be a huge disgrace to her family, and she would probably force me to keep it a secret. I have no desire to get into a relationship with a guy, the idea still seems very strange to me, so I probably shouldn't tell my parents unless I decide to date. Because of my inner sexual tension, I have been afraid to pursue a relationship with anyone, guy or girl. I have been smoking a lot of weed this week, which makes me do a lot of introspection, but when I'm with my friends, I get paranoid about my sexuality. I realized that I was repressing it a lot in social situations, and that it gets in the way of me having a good time. When I start thinking about my sexuality, I stop making jokes, and I think too much. I have come to the conclusion that I am probably depressed because I have been withdrawing my sexuality... thanks for reading, and comments are very much appreciated
Welcome to EC, Daysgoneby! I just want to let you know, I'm going through a lot of the same stuff now too, and your fears are the same as many of mine. Will my friends treat me differently? Does my sexuality matter enough for me to tell them? If not, then why does it bother me so much? Similarly, while I know that I'm attracted to women (although I'm quickly discovering that I'm not actually attracted to as many women as I had originally thought), my attraction to guys is kinda sporadic, and I really don't understand it too well. Since I still have straight qualities, I feel as though it's not absolutely necesary to tell anyone about me being bisexual. But then again, the more I think about it, the more my sexuality is really a core aspect of who I am, and I don't feel like any of my friends will really truely know me until I come out to them. So my opinion? Do your parents need to know? Only if you feel like they do. Personally, I'm not going to bring it up with mine for a long while, because mine don't really play an active role in my life. Do your friends need to know? I think they do ^^ if you spend so much time with them, and it's bothering you, you should tell them. That's what friends are for ^^
Hello there You dont have to worry too much about your oreintation. You see, you are still a teenager, I know you are close to 20, but it'll be 3 years that your oreintation will change and change. Because teengers are developing their own thought and point of view about things. I think you need to calm down, ok. As you see mine is in changing mode... About the attraction thingi, you don't have to attract to all guys to be gay, or to all girls to be straight. I'm gay, yeah, but that dosen't mean I have to like or have crushes on all the hottest guys in my school. And I'm attracted to girls to, just by their sweet looks. And as I have raed, gay guys also appriciate the image of heterosexual, u know what I mean And for your parents, for right now, you don't have to come out yet because yu are not ready, wait until you have enough courage, and just go for it, ok. And for your friends, you can come out to the people who make you feel most comfortable, and you need to be sure that there is osmeone or some people who can back you up after you have come out. But wait until you are clear with your oreintation And just be happy with your life, don't think too much, and you'll grow old earlier than your age. Just go with the flow, enjoy your time with your friend. Stop thinking about who you are everytime you having fun with your friends, becasue that makes you upset,and will ruin the whole thing.
I was in the same situation as you are. I decide not to tell my parents until i can get a job and afford my own living because I'm still dependent on their budget and overall, i am afraid of being kicked out of their house
Although my friend the psychology major says there's a small kernel of truth in stereotypes, that's ALL there is. So, if you don't "fit the stereotype," as it were, don't worry about it because in reality, the stereotype is mostly a load of crap. I'm gay and I enjoy watching hockey and football, and I'm not big into fashion. Being gay doesn't and shouldn't define who you are as much as be a part of who you are. From what I've seen as I was coming out, your true friends and the people who know you well should realize that same thing, that being gay is not your defining character trait, but instead is simply one facet of a wonderful and unique person. As far as your concerns, think of this. You'll hear straight guys talk about what kinds of girls they like. Why? Because they're not attracted to every single female that happens to be near them. The same holds true for gays. Personally, I still find females to be beautiful people, and there will occasionally be that one that will make me look again, but that does not necessarily mean I'm attracted to them. And as far as coming out, I am an advocate of coming out and living your life to the fullest, instead of living in fear of what others think. But, since I can't speak as to your home situation and stuff like that, although it seems to me like you really want to tell your friends and probably should, all I can do is make the recommendation. You have to assess it from there. I hope that everything will come together for you. If you do decide to come out, although there's an adjustment period, I think you'll like it on the outside.
daysgoneby, Some people have given you some really good advice already. I've seen alot of people on here with way too much anxiety about trying to define who they are. I want to teach you a technique that I use for anxiety. In February, my daughter married somebody who has so far refused to meet us. His reasons are STUPID. He thinks we will do something to interfere with their relationship which are totally unfounded because as long as he's taking care of our daughter, we don't have a problem with the marriage. I was experiencing so much anxiety over this that I was crying, throwing up and had diarhea for weeks! What I did was when I found myself thinking of what could possibly happen in the future (such as, he won't allow me to be at the hospital when I have grandchildren, ect.), I focused on better feeling thoughts. I would say to myself, "my daughter is happy", "I feel she's safe", "she loves this guy and he seems to love her". When I did this, the anxiety went away. So when you find yourself thinking of these thoughts that cause you anxiety, deliberately change your thought process. Stop thinking of that immediately and think of something that feels better. If you practice this, you will feel better and not experience so much anxiety.
daysgoneby, I think everyone else has given some great advice. I would only add that sexuality is probably never going to be black and white. It is hard to define, and like you I've been confused by this difficulty. Like you I also think about it way too much, so I guess you and I need to try to live life and let our confusion over our sexuality sort itself out. I know that for me this is a very hard concept and one I'm struggling to try, but regardless it is good advice. It may not seem like the answer you are looking for right now, but I think in the long run having patience will pay off. Good luck, and know that the people here are very supportive whether or not you do decide to come out.
In reading your post I saw myself please let me know what you do. I am going through the same sort of ideas, and problems
i'm not planning on telling my friends unless it comes up in a really deep non-casual conversation, and i have no reason whatsoever to tell my parents. i've been having a good week, and i'm mostly glad that i wrote out my feelings somewhere (as i've never been able to do before). the advice was great, i've just decided not to "worry" about sexuality, it's really pointless. i'm just going to keep being a teenager. if i find a guy extremely attractive and we hook up, that's cool, and if i find an extremely attractive girl, it would also be cool. i often forget to live in the moment, and that's what gets me down. it also seems directly related to the weather lol, but again, i'm glad that i've taken pressure off of myself by getting stuff out of my head. thanks, and i'll continue to read any advice if you're willing to add on.
I've been learning that, actually. Sometimes you just have to forget about the future and take a good look at what's around you, what you're doing right now, you know? Heh, I'm sure that you do, because you said it first
like a furtuneteller? Oh god, I wish i can have ur ability, i will know what the test will be` about tommorrow! lol:eusa_clap
I know, right, By the way, i didnt have the ability to notice that u had become EC Addict, wow, that was fast
