As a pretty touchy-feely person, I am anxious that when I come out to my 2 (presumably) straight close female friends, they will view my actions in a sexual manner an feel uncomfortable around me/treat me completely differently. Neither of these friends have ever said a bad word about LGBT+ people, but who knows how'll they see things. So my question is, have you ever come out to a straight person who has perceived your actions to be sexually motivated and how did you deal with it/explain to them?
It'll be complicated. Even without touchy-feely, when I told my acquaintance my friend had come out of the closet, his first response was "So he hits on you? That must be awkward." (he doesn't, and hothead acquaintance had no reason to assume it). Try to explain to your friends that your actions are not necessarily sexual, and that you're acting no different than they'd act with boys even if they weren't interested in him. I hope this helps, and welcome to EC!
Yeah was planning on saying this, but it helps to know someone agrees! Thanks for the advice and the welcome
Are you coming out to both at once? I would think/hope that if there were 2 of them, this kind of thought would be less likely. You could always finish up with, "So. Know any nice gay girls?"
Yeah, I was planning on coming out to both at once. Lol it's always good to find some potential girlfriends while assuring people you're only interested in gay girls
I'm not touchy-feely, but I've had a few friends tell me - at a later time - that they wondered if there was 'more to it' when we were hanging around a lot. It kind of hurts to be honest that everyone I'm friends with seems to assume I fancy them. I mean, technically I'm bi - am I not allowed friends??! I usually eventually end up having conversations - light-hearted ones - about how it's awkward because you worry people think you're hitting on them when you're not or that you fancy them when you don't. Or tell a story about how someone you don't know thought you were hitting on them, or how many straight people think this about gay people. Or I just talk about how my friends tend to be female but so do people I fancy, which can cause difficulties because some people get confused by that, but that there's a firm line between them, and that most friends really are, well, just friends - and that the idea of anything happening between us is gross or like a brother/sister thing (I find this to be true of most friends. ie. The ones I don't fancy. The idea of anything sexual is gross - like an incest thing almost). Also I mention that for most friends (or all friends) sexual thoughts just wouldn't occur to me. I might also mention that I try to avoid being friends with people that I fancy (this is true - I now do this, un/fortunately). ---------- Post added 30th Aug 2014 at 03:53 PM ---------- I usually say these things during general conversations at a later date, but if you're coming out during an intimate conversation, and you're worried what they might think, you might just say 'I mean, I see you as a friend' at some point. I have found that previous exposure to gay people and being supportive of gay rights has little to do with whether or not people assume you fancy them. I think that some thoughts and prejudices and assumptions exist in those who are otherwise very supportive.
