Okay so I am 100% straight and prefer girls completely but for some reason I feel like I'm a girl trapped inside of a guys body. I dress and act like a guy in front of my family in real life but in private of my own room and onlline with people who I talk to I act very feminine and prefer girls company completely and never like being with guys at all. Trouble is, is that even though I will wear guys clothes in public I have secret desires to wear girls clothes and more specifically girls panties over wearing guys underwear as girls panties feels and looks much more nicer and softer to wear. I would even like to have sleepovers with girls and let them apply make up to my face and do my hair and do all the other things girls love to do with each other (except talking about boys lol). I keep all of this to myself however and have only told a few very close online friends. Also I act very feminine in the things I do and I am one of the most emotional and sensitive guys that most of the people I talk to has ever met. Again as I said I feel like I was meant to be a girl and not a guy but yet fate, or whoever was in charge of the decision, made me a guy instead. I relate more to girls too, understanding the discomfort and pain associated with having periods and the emotional turmoil they go through all the time with their feelings. I think that's all the things on my mind, so as you can tell I am really confused inside but I do know that I'm not attracted to guys but ONLY girls so I know I am 100% straight. Any help would be VERY appreciated as I'm tired of being so confused about myself all the time. What do I call myself? BiGender? TriGender, or something else? Thank you for your time if you have read this.:icon_bigg
Well first I think that your gender and sexual orientation aren't necessarily linked, so if you think that you have to be gay or bi or something to feel like a different gender than your biological one. I don't think anyone can really tell you what label applies to yourself, you got to figure that one out yourself! I identify as genderqueer, I found this website pretty helpful in figuring out the terminology: http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Genderqueer Welcome to the site! everyones super nice here(&&&)
To me from your description you just sort of sound trans, but I think ultimately it's up to you to figure out what you are. That site the person before me linked to might help with that.
No I know my gender and sexual orientation isn't necessarily linked, I just felt like I should mention all the things that is currently confusing me in case any of it might be helpful information to help determine what I am. I know that transgenders aren't all straight and can be gay and bi and lesbian, etc. Thanks, I guess I do have to try and figure it out for myself. It's just I've lived like this for so long I just don't know what to do or think anymore. Thanks for that link I'll click on it and see if it can help me make sense of myself. And thanks for your nice welcoming message. So far everyone has been very nice.
Thanks Wuggums too for trying to help me. And yeah a few people I have talked to have said I might be trans too so I'm guessing maybe I am. And thanks, I will check out the site.
Your story sounds very much like the typical transwoman story. Is the whole "fate" thing the only reason you think you might be bigender? You could very much simply be a female.
Oh okay thanks Ryuichi, for some reason I feel you may be right. Transwoman, now that I really think about it, feels like it describes me the most. And I'm not entirely sure how to answer the fate question you asked me. I feel 50/50 on that. All I know is that I genuinely feel like there's been some sort of major mistake or a poor joke played at my expense. I don't like being a guy and wish desperately that I was a girl but I am not wanting to have a sex change though. I will stay a guy for the rest of my life, on the outside, while inside I'm very much a girl. And how do you mean I could be very much a female? In what sense do you mean?
Hi, first up, don't be in a hurry to label or define yourself too soon, as a label or definition is just a word, anyway, and what really matters is to simply live true to your feelings, which it sounds like you already do. Regarding not wanting to change your male body, yet at the same time rejoicing in and relishing in feeling female, well I can relate to that as well, although I must clarify that in my case, I only slip into 'female mode' in certain situations, and furthermore I still enjoy feeling male also (at other times) and, a lot of the time, I don't feel particularly identified as either. I just thought I would say, that there seem to be 'shades of gender', rather than just neat, fixed 'types' that we all have to neatly fit into. I'm a guy who loves feeling like a girl - in certain situations especially - but I also like being a guy at other times, and often I don't feel particularly identified as either. I was calling myself 'bigendered' but I didn't feel comfortable with that idea of being 'two' of anything, so I'm leaving it undefined for now. I'm one person, who can feel like either a girl or a guy or neither, in different contexts. In your case, it's a bit different because you said you don't like being a guy, well that's fine too, and I think, if you are happy just being a girl in spirit, but keeping your male body, why not? It's your life, you can do as you wish, you don't have to fit any preconceived neat 'category'. But I would suggest one thing, I'm not sure 'bigendered' defines you, because I think a bigendered person would enjoy both modes, male and female. I certainly do, although as I said I don't like the bigender label for myself. But in your case, you identify as 'female', it would seem...and 'gender' refers to that which you identify as, not to what your physical body happens to be, as I understand it. You could be simply, 'male body, female spirit' but please don't let me or anyone else define you, only you can do that! By the way, welcome to ec Damien
Damien hi. Thanks for your informative reply. I am not in a hurry for a label or a definition, as I have been like this for far too long and I simply want some answers and to understand myself better. For so long in my life I've lived in confusion about myself and it's not the label itself that I'm after but the meaning behind the label which I hope will reveal things about myself more and help me understand myself more. I too thought I might be bigendered but I'm still not 100% sure if I'm bigendered/transgendered/transwoman. It's all so confusing for me. And I understand that and yeah I don't want to change my body to a woman's body, although as I have already said previously, I do wish I was born a girl. If a genie or fairy godmother truly existed and granted me at least one wish, it would be for me to have been born a girl instead of a guy. And I will end up living my life as I am already, as a guy but being a girl inside, I just want to understand and learn more about who I am as a person and for that to happen, I need to know what exactly I am. I wish I knew more people like myself in real life so I have someone to talk to in person about how I feel. So I wouldn't feel so alone and isolated. So what you're saying is that I am most likely a transgendered female then? And I know you're not trying to define me and that only I can do that, I understand that. I'm just trying to work out which one is me. And thanks for the welcome message. back.
They're are plenty of transwoman that are lesbians. I call them transbians. Sexual orientation and sexual identity are two different concepts. I would actually think it through very thoroughly before going trans though. You could be a crossdresser or femboy. Then again, you are the only one that truly knows who you are.
But am I for real a transwoman though? I just don't follow it all that well. I'm physically a guy, or a man but inside I'm a girl, or woman (although I prefer girl for some reason). So if I am a transwoman and because I still love and find girls/women so very sexually attractive and desirable that makes me a lesbian? Or transbian as you call it? And I know sexual orientation and sexual identity are two different concepts. I'm not confused about my sexual orientation - that I am 100000000% sure of. I am only attracted to girls/women and not boys or men at all. I'm not talking about my sexual orientation here, just my sexual identity. And I'm not going to go through with anything just yet, which is why I'm asking for help for me to understand who and what I am. I myself don't have a clue. As for cross dressing, I don't do that but have internal thoughts about wanting to dress in girls/women's clothes but would never ever do that in public in front of anyone else but say some close female friends of mine who I could trust. Girls that would even help me apply make up and such and help me into a dress. If I cross dressed it would only be in private and never public. And femboy? I think I know what that means but I better look up the definition still just to make sure.
But that's the thing, I DON'T know, which is why I'm here asking for help. So I've gotten, bigender, transgender, transwoman and now femboy as possible outcomes. I'm still forever confused I guess.
I think there's a lot of people who are confused here, you just have to accept that maybe it's going to take some time to figure it all out I think. I only recently started exploring my gender identity more too, and so far there's been serious ups and downs. :icon_redf If you like wearing make up why don't you try something small? I wear light eyeliner most days, people don't notice and it helps me feel more feminine. Your probably going to be experimenting for a while, there's no need to come to any decisions right away. No ones going to turn around and say well you said you were trans last week so now you have to stick with that this week! :eusa_naug
P.S. you should pm one of the advisors if you feel you need a little more in depth advice, that's what they're there for!
Yeah there are a lot of confused people on here. I know it may take some time but it's been so many years already since I started feeling confused. Nothing's changed except for me being even more confused. I don't have access to any make up and I live only with my sister, her son (my nephew) and the boy's father so I can't exactly start buying and applying make up around here. Maybe if I lived on my own I might experiment. I just wish I could identify myself as something instead of always being confused. I don't know if I am transgender or bigender or transwoman. :/
well you obviously feel your transgender in the sense that your not cisgender. Transgender can be used as kind of a catch all term. It is confused with transsexual a lot which is why people like to use other terms like genderqueer to describe themselves (this is my limited understanding, it can get a bit complicated). If you feel you need some sort of label maybe you could just say you know your transgender for now, and your figuring the rest out?
Okay I understand and thank you for clearing that up. I guess I'll just describe myself as the default term for now: transgender. Knowing that I might be bigender or transwoman also.
