My 10 yr old grandson told me he's gay. Help.

Hi, Etomo! I can tell you're confused, but I know what's going on with him. Anyone can have a sudden realization of their sexuality. I went through the same thing. I noticed my attraction to both sexes one day and waited for it to fade. It never did, so I considered the possibility of bisexuality. It's stuck with me for a year now. As for your questions, I'd say he should keep to himself about his sexuality at school. Kids at that age are unlikely to understand that homosexuality is perfectly normal, so that's always a danger. I also think he should come out in his own time, rushing is never the answer. And yes, he may be wrong. It may be a phase that he will grow out of, but if he is truly gay, just treat him normally. You needn't worry, I bet he'll do fine! Best of luck to him! (*hug*)

 

Hm, that's a tough situation. I know it's already out there now but I would try to avoid talking about people being beat up or killed for being gay unless there's a very real danger of that where you live. He's still young and you don't want to terrify the poor kid unnecessarily.

So he knows what being gay means, did he explain to you why he thinks he is gay? He's really young and yes, he could be wrong, but he also could be right.

How is homosexuality viewed where you are? If you live in an accepting place I think it's ok for him to share what he is comfortable sharing with others. If not, then you should explain to him that it's something he may want to keep to himself and just close friends for now. Really, I think you need to talk this out with him and get a feel for why he believes he's gay and how he might handle difficult situations if people tease or bullied him. Some kids are just really resilient and it's possible he may just want to be out there and own who he is, and if so that's great. If not it's probably better to keep it "on the down low" so to speak until he gets a bit older.

 

I think you might want to consider the area that you live in. Is it a safe environment for him? Perhaps you can take him to a therapist, not to question him on his sexuality, since you're very well sure that he knows what being gay is, but to have a special friend to talk to and to help guide him through tumultuous times, such as these.

 

The grandmother/grandson dynamic is often a special one.

I was very close to my Gran until she died, even though she never learnt of my sexuality, after her death my brother did say that she was very open minded about gay people, which was nice to hear.

You have a very different relationship with him than he does with his parents or friends.

The best thing that you can do - absolutely - is to try to make your home a completely safe space for him. Reassure him you're very good at keeping secrets, and that you've seen a lot of the world. Resist the urge to tell his parents what he tells you.

Try not to pity him, or feel sorry for him, or help him, or advise him - after all, you really don't know what it's like to be a 10 year old gay kid in 2014 - The best thing is to just be able to sit and listen if and when he decides to open up to you. If you have any gay friends, or know any gay couples then casually mention them. But the main thing is, just let him know that he's fine and continue to show your love for him.

He may be gay, or may not be gay, or may be bi or whatever, you don't know him better than he knows himself - just, please, accept whatever label he puts on himself. That may change. He may go through a phase of rejecting the gay stuff altogether and *proving* his masculinity, just stick to your guns and let him know that whatever he is, it's fine.

 

etomo-
It sounds like he knows what he's talking about then. He also sounds super sweet .As uniqueusername said it's possible he'll change his mind or his identity will shift, and it's possible it won't. But it's great that you are being so supportive.

I think a therapist would not be a bad idea, as it would help for him to talk to someone who has experience with LGBT issues, and may have a better idea of how to handle coming out (or not coming out) at a fairly young age. You would definitely want to look into the therapist first to make sure they are LGBT friendly and deal with LGBT children/young teens.

As for bullying- that's a tough one. So I think you've already got the first step in place, support him for who he is. Does his mother support him, as well? I think the best defense against bullying is confidence, and if you and his other family are raising him to view himself and his homosexuality in a positive way that will likely go a long way for him.

If he gets into a situation where he is being teased or bullied for his sexuality it really depends on the situation, I think. A few offhand remarks can be ignored, but if he's repeatedly victimized that's more of a problem. Involving teachers/parents doesn't seem to do much. I think if he has friends that stick by him and he himself is able to stand up for himself, too, that's really the best case scenario. Try to instill in him that he shouldn't feel shame, either, whether it's about his sexuality or about how others may treat him. I was bullied quite badly growing up and I kept it all to myself, it felt shameful and embarrassing, and that made it all the more difficult to deal with. You start to believe what the bullies tell you about yourself, and that's exactly what you want to avoid.

I do want to say, though, try not to make a huge deal about that, either. You don't want him to feel like he has to walk on eggshells or he WILL get bullied. Maybe just tell him that there's nothing wrong with being gay, it's a normal thing, but that some ignorant people might say hurtful things. Emphasize that *they* are in the wrong, not him. And let him know that if he ever runs into a situation like that he can come to you or his parents if he needs to.

 

Hi there etemo - thanks for coming here to ec! To be completely honest, I personally feel as though 10 years old is too young to give too much Creedence to what he is saying. At 10 years old you can certainly be curious about sexuality, but honestly, I do not think a 10 year old could have enough experience or maturity to say what their sexuality is. He is so young, and has so much time to express it, there is no reason to rush into this.

If he is gay, of course there is nothing wrong with this, and he should be supported. But 10 years old is too young! Try to get him to stop trying to label himself so early and instead encourage him to explore his sexuality over the coming years in a label free environment.

I wish you and your grandson all the best

 

Hi there. ^^ I'm glad you're searching for advice from others.

That should be his choice. Don't tell anyone without his permission; it might hurt him.

It's possible, but I wouldn't assume he's wrong.

Could've been the same thing that happened to me, and that happens to many gay people. Sometimes gay people fool others, and even themselves, into thinking they have feelings for the opposite gender. Most likely, he tricked himself into thinking he liked girls. I remember, back in elementary school, talking with my friends about boys and wanting a boyfriend. As I got older, and started to see more differences between boys and girls, I realized what I really wanted. I just wanted to be in love- not necessarily with a boy. And eventually I realized I had no genuine attraction to guys anyway. So I identify as a lesbian.

 

Just like many have said, the realisation of being homosexual can come so quickly and randomly. Sometimes there are small hints before they realise it, and sometime there are none. Otherwise just make sure he knows to be careful, and maybe talk about it with his mum. Good luck.

 

I think it's awesome that he came to you at such a young age. He must trust you a lot! Personally, I didn't begin to realize that I was bi until i was about 12. But some people start to realize it by the time they're 5! There's no telling how far along he is in realizing and accepting his sexuality. Luckily I was never bullied (no one knew), but I know some kids that got crap all through middle school for being gay. Nothing violent. I would definitely advise against telling his friends. Most kids probably don't even know what gay is at that age! But it might get worse for him before it gets better. Come high school, people are more accepting. But dang, that's a LONG ways away for him! You could tell him that it would make his life harder and explain to him why. But if he really is gay, there may come a time when he won't be able to hold it in or hide it anymore. Just support the heck out of him!