Right so I came out first years ago when I was 18, it was a somewhat drunken accidental thing and probably a bit too early for me but whatever, it got the job done and it's way in the past now and I am comfortable which who I am. The problem I have is that no one would think I am gay! I don't come across as gay, don't have stereotypical gay interests and everyone just assumes I'm straight. I'm 26 now and recently moved to a new city hundreds of miles away and I have to do it all over again! At work people just assume I'm straight which I dont mind too much because i generally do prefer to keep my work and home life seperate. It's just now at home my new flatmate and his girlfriend think I'm straight. The bad thing is it is kind of my fault because they ask about whether i have a girlfriend etc and I just say no i'm single and batted away the ensuing questions about previous relationships. I know I should have been more honest but It is still hard to tell people out of the blue and i was tired after a busy day and just shifted the conversation. They want me to come salsa dancing with them because they know loads of single girls... Eughh :bang:. A couple years ago this wouldn't have bothered me but as I've got older I feel much more comfortable with who I am and don't want to be 'in the closet' at home. Plus i don't know them too well and don't know how comfortable he may be with it. I would have casually brought it up as I got to know him better. Now it's just gonna be awkward and the longer it goes on it'll get worse... and i hope they don't think i lied. Ahhh, this is something i could do without, has anyone else been in this situation? How did you deal with it? Thanks
You don't need to explicitly "Come out" as such to colleges and such, you can just drop it in polite conversation if the topic comes up, or you could just say something like "Well, my ex boyfriend...", and it should get the message across, or if they keep on making comments about girls, trying to find you a girlfriend, etc, etc, just sit them down and have a polite word, that you don't appreciate them trying to pair you with a girl over a salsa dance if its making you uncomfortable. The only person i'd say you probably should tell is your room-mate, in case he has any hangups about it, so if you get further down the line, and you end up telling him, he doesn't get uncomfortable. Being assumed as straight is just a given of life. At the end of the day, people can assume, but they're only fooling themselves. About 3 years after coming out, I stopped telling people who weren't essential to me. Eventually, people either figure out, or they hear by gossip, or they notice the fact I refer only to "boyfriends" rather than "girlfriends". To me, my sexuality has just blended in and become part of my every day life, to me, its no more different than telling someone what colour underwear im wearing, they don't need to know, but they can if they really want to. However, its down to you if you choose to tell them, drop it in conversation, or just let them get on with it. Maybe give them a while, and your colleges don't stop inviting you to places under the motivation of "single girls", maybe have a word with them, but I would definitely at least mention it to your room mate, just so theres no confusion.
You could ask them if they know any cute single guys who will be at the salsa dance, because you have been trying to make some new male friends in your new location. I think they can figure it out from that.
i used to think that once i came out, that that was it. little did i know that i was hugely mistaken. come out to friends, to family, coworkers (and repeat as needed for job changes), then there are the neighbors and everyone else. it doesn't get easier, i guess it just starts to feel like "well, let's get this over with now rather than later." in fact, the only ones i never had to come out to were my animal companions. they just don't care about any of this. they just want to be happy and make you happy.
