Hello people... Lots of stuff have happened to me ever since I last posted anything here. For one, I've got me somebody.. Right now... It's the cause of much pain... Not because of him. No, he's a great person. And I really like him. A lot. It's because of the whole relationship thingy. You see, I'm 17. He's 15. He has problems in his life. I really want to help him. In him, I see a younger version of myself facing similar problems. We both like each other. But we haven't gone steady. It's more of a 'casual dating' sort of situation. Only just recently have we started talking about going steady. But as of now, nothing's concrete. He does know, however, that I want to go slow, and he's fine with that. Well, the problem is... My parents know. They don't approve of the relationship. They're against homosexuality in the first place, but they're telling me to break this relationship up. Not because of the homosexual thing (they tell me that it's a different issue), but because we're both studying and we're both in different schools. They say that we'll get distracted. My mom tells me that even though I want to help him, I shouldn't be doing so by getting into a relationship with him, because then I'll be the only one he'll be attached to (this is true, from what I've seen and from what he's told me, there's this void in his heart and so he's desperate for affirmation and love). And so, if anything goes wrong in the relationship, the both of us will be destroyed. My mom's telling me to wait until we're both in university (which is five years away...). She says that I should remain his friend and help him out as a friend instead of as somebody who's in a relationship with him. You know... It's like when I was younger.. I couldn't really feel the love from my parents at times (or at least from my dad). I couldn't feel much from my friends. And so I felt lonely. He told me before that he feels the same way. I also know that if I get into a very close relationship with him and if he still continues to have these problems, it'll only end up in misery for the both of us and we'll both suffer. But still.. must I wait till university? Do you know what I'm most afraid of? I'm afraid that if I tell him to wait until we've got his problems solved, he'll be heartbroken and move away from me. He'll go away and leave me. I think I've found somebody who I can be with... And I don't want to ruin it. My father isn't helping. I can't stand him at times. My mom... I don't know... Bottom line is, I'm just so tired of it all.. It's mental exhaustion. My body is fine, my mind isn't. Not at all....
I forgot to add though... There is this possible scenario in my head. I tell him that I want to have a relationship with him, just that I want to help him as a friend first to solve his problems. Only after that can we start going in... What do you guys think?
I think this scenario sounds fine. If you are just a friend while he sorts everything out there will be more distance, something which would be helpful to make sure he's not dependant on you. Also, once you help him out, you can have a fun relationship! A lighter one.
I'd say he needs a friend and mentor more than he needs a "boyfriend". So I think sticking to that role for now is a good plan. Lex
I agree with Lex. Having a boyfriend for the sake of needing one isn't going to help, be his friend and mentor first, and then you'll be able to pursue the relationship to another level once you're both on the right tracks with school, and his problems are a bit better. As for worrying about him moving away from you because you don't want to go steady just yet, maybe you should try just being totally honest with him. 15 is old enough to understand in my opinion (...I can't imagine why ). He appreciates that you want to go slow, so he should be able to appreciate this little wait until you're both closer as friends. You'll then be able to build a much more meaningful relationship and he'll be one of your best friends as well as your boyfriend. Good luck with this, what you have in mind is a good plan
Haha.. Thanks people. This will, of course, be painful for the both of us, especially since we both know that we like each other. One thing I do worry about, however, is that we'll end up getting all touchy-feely even though we're not supposed to. I suppose that all I can do if that ever happens is to tell him that we shouldn't be, right? I just don't want to disappoint him so much... I think that I'm probably crushing quite badly too... Sigh... so many questions... So little answers. Ah wells... I plan to tell him tonight (or this evening). Hope that he takes it well. He did tell me, though, that he'll be able to stand any pain, so long as he gets to see me (this is the clause I worry about, because I'm afraid that he still thinks that we're going right into a relationship right now).
