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That was not supposed to happen

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tokumei, Sep 4, 2014.

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  1. Tokumei

    Tokumei
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    Okay, I'm starting to panic a little here so I come here, even if I'm at work right now.

    I decided to join the LGBT group in my school. I'm still not out at my house so I was hoping to do that without my parents knowing. But the school had to just screw up and send the confirmation to my parent's email instead of my own.

    I don't know what to do. I'm not ready to deal with that yet. I don't want that. Ohgod I don't want to go home.​
     
    #1 Tokumei, Sep 4, 2014
  2. Quem

    Quem
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    Ouch. You could use a hug. (*hug*)

    Do you think your parents will react badly? In any case, however, you won't be able to change what happened..

    Wish you good luck, and hope everything will go fine! (*hug*)
     
    #2 Quem, Sep 4, 2014
  3. Dakeli27

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    If it's something like a GSA, you can always tell them that you just support LGBT and want to join to help people. If it's not, good luck.
     
    #3 Dakeli27, Sep 4, 2014
  4. Tokumei

    Tokumei
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    No, I think they are okay with that. I just am not ready to tell them yet, and I sure didn't want to do it that way.
    I'm sure my mom would cry. She will probably think I don't trust them...

    I don't even know I'm going to say.
     
    #4 Tokumei, Sep 4, 2014
  5. RedSwiss

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    If you're not ready to come out, I guess you could smokescreen them by saying straight people can join as well, and you wanted to go there to be with friends that were there, or just make up something else.

    Or, you could take this as a chance to come out if you feel like its time. Its always a lot easier to be asked about it, rather than having to tell someone about it.
     
    #5 RedSwiss, Sep 4, 2014
  6. Tokumei

    Tokumei
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    The problem is, I'm not the kind of person to join group usually. My parents will know that if I joined one, it's because it was really important for me. And I know they already have some doubts about me liking girls...

    ---------- Post added 4th Sep 2014 at 11:16 AM ----------
    I prefer to be asked, it's more easy to tell that way. I'm just not sure yet if I'm ready to come out... I still have 2 hours to think about that before going home...
     
    #6 Tokumei, Sep 4, 2014
  7. RedSwiss

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    Ya, give it a think over for a while. Regardless of what you decide to do, could I suggest that you try arranging somewhere you could go in the event anything turns nasty if they are upset, like a friend's house? Its best to plan for the worst, then be relieved if its ok.
     
    #7 RedSwiss, Sep 4, 2014
  8. Tokumei

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    I can ask my best friend, I know he would let me in anytime. I was already planning to call him before coming home.
     
    #8 Tokumei, Sep 4, 2014
  9. Vampire

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    In my opinion, you should take this chance and come out, since chances like this one don't come around too often. But if the feeling of not being ready yet is too strong, you should do what the other suggested. You should just try and see what your parents say without you saying anything about this, see how they react.

    Lying to your parents is not the brightest idea since they usually, especially moms, see through the lies of their children. Be careful.

    Lots of love,
    Andy
     
    #9 Vampire, Sep 4, 2014
  10. Tokumei

    Tokumei
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    I'm not good at lying so I'm sure anyone, not just my mom, can see through me when I'm lying...
     
    #10 Tokumei, Sep 4, 2014
  11. Courtanissia

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    I honestly hope everything turns out alright. If you're really not ready, perhaps you could say you're joining to support a close friend? I only mention that because I did it once before myself... lol.

    Let us know how it goes though, yeah? Fingers crossed for you :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 5th Sep 2014 at 05:48 AM ----------

    And as for your comment about not being able to lie - I always say how good a friend I am to myself haha
     
    #11 Courtanissia, Sep 4, 2014
  12. Vampire

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    I still am curious, however, why did your school send the email to your parents? It doesn't make much sense.
     
    #12 Vampire, Sep 4, 2014
  13. Tokumei

    Tokumei
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    Because my mom did the inscription to the intranet of my school three years ago, so she used her email, not mine. I never cared about changing it, since they give you an adress email on the intranet. Now I wish I had...
     
    #13 Tokumei, Sep 4, 2014
  14. Really

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    Could you claim it's for some class you're taking? Or you went with a classmate and they took your name? Not sure how you'd explain the wrong email, though. Oh - maybe they got it from your registration info? (I would go to the registrar and get that fixed pronto.)
     
    #14 Really, Sep 4, 2014
  15. Tokumei

    Tokumei
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    Not sure I can convince them it was for a class. I can try the idea with the classmate, but I don't think that will convince them either. I think I will just tell the truth. I'm tired of lying. I'm just really anxious because I didn't intend to deal with that now and not like that.
    Let's just hope everything goes alright.

    The funny part is that I always wanted something like that to happen, because I wouldn't need to tell them, they would just discover it by themselve. Now I know why it's not a good idea...
     
    #15 Tokumei, Sep 4, 2014
  16. greatwhale

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    We seldom ever feel ready to undertake a difficult conversation, which is really what coming out is all about. You can deny, or lie, but why not take this as an opportunity to come out formally?

    Sometimes a little push in life is all we need to start living in truth...
     
    #16 greatwhale, Sep 4, 2014
  17. Tokumei

    Tokumei
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    I'm leaving now. Wish me luck...
     
    #17 Tokumei, Sep 4, 2014
  18. Really

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    Oh wow. Good luck!
    Would a joke break the ice? If they ask if you're gay or whatever, "They found me and asked me to sign up, so yeah, that's me."
    (Not sure if this works for you but my family is all about the humour, so...)
     
    #18 Really, Sep 4, 2014
  19. Quem

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    Good luck! You can do this! (*hug*)
     
    #19 Quem, Sep 4, 2014
  20. Tokumei

    Tokumei
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    Okay okay. So first, it was REALLY less akward than I think it would be, which is great.

    When I came home, all was normal. I knew my mother had seen the email since she was on her computer but she didn't say a thing about it. I almost thought that she wouldn't bring the subject at all.

    Then, when we were eating, she just started : "I received an email today, for an activity at school."
    Me - "Yeah..."
    Her - "Why did you decide to join that group ?"
    Me - "... I was curious about it..." (Which is not enterely wrong, but still not enterely true...)
    Her - "Did you join because wou wanted to see if you're in that... category ?"
    I just shook my head. She just said "Okay" and I almost stop there. Then I just gather my courage and said "I already know."
    She looked at me again and said "You already know ?"
    Me - "Yeah."
    She just said "Okay", then started telling me that I'm still their daughter and that they like me, saying jokes at the same time about throwing me out. I just laught, I know she just wanted to make sure nothing was akward (I almost choke on the chips I was eating xD).

    So yeah, again I was worrying for nothing. Less akward than I expected it to be. I'm still waiting for my mother to ask me if I'm going out with every girl I meet, since she used to do that about my boy friends xD
    My dad didn't say a word. He just stayed there, listening, but I know he doesn't care about that either. So, all is good, and now I'm out to family. It feels really nice. Now I wonder why I have wait so much time to tell them ^^
     
    #20 Tokumei, Sep 4, 2014
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