So, I'm starting a new job soon It's something I should be happy about, and I am, but I'm also really nervous. The question, "Are you married?" ALWAYS comes at some point. When you are 28 and say no, people push for details. What age has to do with it, I'm still baffled about. Anyway, I work with a lot of conservative people, which means I'm pretty closeted. I flat out lie if people seem too intense. I really hate this, but I feel terrified when confronted with questions about my personal life. Lying just feels wrong, but being honest with these people could be worse. We're talking about people that might make up something to get you fired. I could simply be imagining that or making things worse than they are, but what if I'm not? I really want to "start from scratch" in my new job, but the thought scares me too much. I just "what if" myself into nauseating nervousness. Not to mention that this new job won't take me entirely away from my old co-workers. So, lots of people will learn the truth, thus either hurting their feelings, or making them angry, or both. Such an aftermath isn't intentional when you're trying to protect yourself, but it happens anyway. So, any advice? Anyone else had this sort of experience? Thanks!
I'm not sure which area of the world you're from but if you are in an area which holds employee rights against discrimination then I would firstly advise you read up on some of these to give you the upper hand if things go sour. If you value your job and feel that your co-workers are treating you negatively because of your sexuality (whatever it may be) then you have the right to stand up and tell them that it's not okay. If someone is lying about you to get you fired, then the simple threat of court action against someone like that will usually result in them confessing without any legal action having to be taken, since you'll be assured to have the winning hand. If people asking questions is making you uncomfortable, then you can let them know without spilling beans about yourself by just telling them to calmly back off. These people have no right or reason to have to squeeze details out of you if you don't want to. As long as you're not coming off as aggressive towards them, they'll usually accept that you don't like being asked that sort of stuff without any hassle involved. Maybe you'll find someone who's understanding in the job who you can eventually reach out to and rely on to be a third and fourth shoulder around a conservative workplace. Good luck and I hope you enjoy your new job.
I really understand what you mean. I am 29 and I've just started to work in a fortune500 company. Our company looks so liberal and open minded and they even have gay-straight groups but they are all politically correct attempts. In reality most people around me are super conservative and they would never help me if my sexuality is revealed. All those non-discriminatory laws or regulations are useless. If they want us to get fired they can find a better excuses and co-workers can stop helping and supporting in projects and that would lead to low performance and losing job eventually. please hit me a message If you want. ---------- Post added 4th Sep 2014 at 02:45 PM ---------- in addition: i always get asked the same question about my personal life and sometimes they ask if i was planning to get married. I made it clear that my personal life is not their business but it doesn't work for some people and they even get offended.
Are you married? No. Have a partner? No. Why not? That's a bit personal. / Haven't found the right person. I know some nice guys. Thanks. I'm ok. Are you sure? You'd really like them. Yes, I'm sure. *smile* But they're really nice! I've got to get back to work now. Bye.
