Im 22. I started to suspect ( I guess I should say knew) that I liked girls when I was 16, but never did anything about it. I had boyfriends, but I was never happy. Does it make sense that Im so scared right now?. It seems like everything is coming at me all at once, and I just simply dont know. The thing is , I guess you can say that I am not very good with change, especially when it seems like a huge one. My mom most likely will not care because she likes girls and guys. Makes no sense for me to be scared right? Thats probably what you are thinking. But, Im not like my mom, shes a very blunt person. Me, Im a closed book. I found this site days ago and it took alot for me to register and write this. tears are literally flowing out at the moment and I hate crying. To me, a person is weak if they cry. Messed up way to think right? Ive been told. Im just tired of being scared to do what I want and be who I am. I rarely think about the positive affect, I think more about the negative affects. Do you knwo what its like to be confused about yourself, when youre suppose to know yourself? Well, maybe you do but when its new to someone its so damn scary and overwhelming. Im afraid of loosing the people that I know. I know for a fact that my dad and his side of the family will go nuts if they knew. And I only have 2 friends and I know that if they also knew, I would be friendless. Im not good at meeting new people, everyone tells me to get out more and meet new friends but i dont know its kind of hard for me. This probably seems like Im just babbling but.........I practice over and over agian to come out but, I chicken out every single time. So, I also watch movies about coming out and Im still scared. Im just not sure..... Well whom ever comes across this, thanks for listening. I really needed it.
Not very qualified to answer this but still, here is what i think. It helps to have a "i just don't care" attitude towards such stuff. In the end of the day, your own happiness is what matters the most! You don't need to come out to every single person you know, for starters, just drop a few hints to your mom, see how she reacts and if everything is okay, just sit down and have a hearth to hearth conversation with her. Ask yourself this, what do you gain by telling your friends, do you seek their support or do you just want a relief of the "burden"? Also, no matter how much we think we know someone, we can't be 100% sure how they might react. If your friends decide to stop being your friends over something like this, then you need to find better friends. People won't make a big deal out of this, unless you yourself make it a big deal. Your own sexuality is exactly that, your own!
