I've been feeling really emotional and under a lot of pressure lately. I know now that it is time to let my parents know that I am gay. I've decided to write a letter since I know that I won't be able to bring myself to say it aloud. (Judging by how it's gone telling my friends...I just stumble and mumble until they figure out.) Writing a letter will allow me to clearly state what I have been going through and why I believe this to be the answer...Any advice before I change my life drastically?
Let your friends know you are going to do it, so they can be prepared to help you if your parents are initially shocked and overreact.
make sure you feel out the situation and opinions of your parents first. obviously you can never fully predict how they'll react but this is something I wish Id done two years ago (and then not told my parents). but I hope everything goes well for you!
This is my letter: Dear mom and dad, there is something that I have to tell you. I'm sorry that I have to do it through a letter, but I am too afraid and ashamed to say it to your faces. Before I go on, I want to make one thing clear: This is not something I did or something you did. This is something that is beyond my control and your control. Please know that I love you. I know that I don't say it, but I do. I have a very great life and it is because of the sacrifices and hard work you have put forth for me. I hope that you will both love me the same after this is all said and done. What I have to say is this: I am gay. I am very sorry for the emotional pain that this will cause. The last thing I want to do is hurt you and make a mess of things, but I just can't go on holding this secret anymore. It has been tearing me apart, but I am finally ready to pick up the pieces and move on. This has been a tough and long journey for me to come to this conclusion. I guess I've known for the past few years, but I always ignored it, as if it would go away. It will never go away. This is who I am. This is how God made me. You may have noticed that I have been eating less and have been quiet and somewhat irritable. This is because I have been very depressed for the past couple of months. I have been having a very hard time accepting this for myself. Thoughts of being a disappointment or a screw-up because of this took over my emotions. The only label I've ever known is perfect. I've always been the nice, well behaved, perfect kid. I feel like this is screwing everything up. Words cannot describe how much emotional pain this has caused me. I have spent many nights crying and praying. I've lived in a constant state of fear of how you will react when I tell you. Human nature causes me to think of the worst possible outcomes. I am so tired of this fear. Sometimes, I get so lost in my emotions that I feel like there is no way I could ever face this, that there was no way I could go on...I had thoughts of suicide. Thank God I never acted on them. There is so much more I could say, but I will stop now. Take however much time you need to accept it. Don't hesitate to talk to me about it when you are ready. Nothing has changed. I am still the same Matt you have always known, you just know more about me now. With love and care Matt
Hi. Sorry this is short answer I'm typing on my phone which is not easy. just a quick thought, I wouldn't say I'm afraid or ashamed I would say you've written the letter so you can get the facts out clearly. Good luck SGG
Other than saying "I feel awkward and embarrassed to talk about my sexuality with you face to face..." instead of "I feel too afraid and ashamed to say it to your faces", I think it is the best coming out letter I have read here. There is nothing to be ashamed about, because there is nothing wrong with being gay, and you have done nothing wrong by being born who you are. I think your parents are lucky to have an intelligent and considerate son like you. I hope it goes as well as I think it will for you. Best wishes for you Matt. (*hug*)
Just wanted to jump in and wish you good luck. Your letter seems fine to me, and I sincerely hope everything will go alright. Stay strong!
I have written a second draft. I like this one much more, Dear mom and dad, there is something that you need to know. I am sorry that I have to do this through a letter, this is just a very hard thing to talk to you about directly. Befor I go on, I want to make one thing perfectly clear. This is not something that I did or somthing that you did. This is not something that anyone did. This is a factor that is betond my control and your control. Please know that I love you and are very thankful for all that you have given to me and done for me. I truly appreciate it. It is my hope that, in telling you this, you will still love me. Maybe this can even help us to grow closer. Mom...Dad...I am gay. I know this will be hard for you to accept as it has been very tough for me to accept it for myself. I've known for the past few years but have been running away from it in fear and shame. I have grown weary of running from it. Finally, I have faced it and come to terms with it. This is who I am and how God made me. You did nothing wrong. This does not change my faith. I am still a Christian and always will be. In fact, this has helped me to grow closer to God as I have been depending on Him for pesce and guidance. It has not been easy for me to come to this conclusion. I have gone through a great dealmof emotional pain and turmoil in the self acceptance process. It caused a great deal of depression in me, causing me to eat less and have a quiet and somewhat irritable attitude. The most dominant emotion I've had is fear. Fear of how friends and family will react and fear of whether or not you will still love me. I fear your reaction the most. I can't stand the thought of losing you, but my human nature causes me to think if the worst possible outcome. I am tired of the fear. I need to find out once and for all how you will really react. I can imagine that your minds are flooded with questions at this time. I think I can guess what some of them are. Let me answer you this: I am not seeing anyone. I never have, nkr have I had any sexual experiences. How do I know that I am gay, then? It's hard to explain, but just know...kind of how you just know that you are straight. I am sorry for the emotional pain that this will inevetably cause. Promise me that you will stay strong and accept it. Take the time that you need to come to terms with it. When you are ready, I will be happy to talk to you about it. I am still the same person, you just know more about me now. With hope and love, Matt.
