So, I was finally able to get the guts to come out to my parents as pansexual this past week. I ALSO planned to come out as agender at the same time, but as they asked about my pansexuality it became clear the are completely unaware of anything outside the gender binary. My mom did end up doing some research apparently, because later she seemed to know at least the basics. She also let me know that if I didn't identify as a boy any longer, she'd still accept me and made it clear she would NEVER kick me out. My dad on the other hand, reacted how I expected him to. "You need to start going back to church.", "At least you're still interested in girls.", "You need a girl to have kids y'know." and what hurt worst, "I don't know what constitutes as normal nowadays." I don't want him to think I'm some kind of freak, but I HATE having to live as a boy. I feel so uncomfortable with body hair and short hair. I'd really like to start dressing more androgynously as well, but I have no idea what he'll think. I do know that I need to tell them and start making changes, because I'm growing more and more uncomfortable and self aware as I am. Perhaps the worst part is that I want to change my name to Ashe, and right now I have the same first name as my dad. I don't want to mess things up with my dad forever, but I also don't want to keep living as someone I'm not. Any advice?
As one of your parents accepts you and one doesn't, I feel as though you should start taking steps forward. Your mother will be able to talk to your father, being his partner and someone he will be able to talk to about it. Your job, however, is to live how you want to live, and be who you want to be - not to try and get him to understand. That sounds a bit harsh, I'm really sorry But I really think you should do what is best for you. When my dad came to see me after I cut my own hair, his reaction was less than stellar, but he very quickly got over it. And I think your dad would do the same. So, live as who you are! And good luck
Thanks. I made a promise to myself a couple years ago after I came out as an atheist that I wouldn't hide myself any longer. Now it feels like I went back on that. Not any longer though. I've decided to come out to my mom on Friday and then my dad a day or two later when my lesbian aunt comes over to back me up. I don't know if he'll ever understand it, but I do think that he'll eventually accept it. I just wish I didn't have a 7 year old little brother and two nieces that visit constantly that are even younger than that. How would I explain this to them?
Yeah. You has to come out as an atheist, then as a pansexuals, and now as agender? I don't think I would've had the guts. Anyways I think the best way to explain it to your brother and nieces is to first explain gender (try to explain it like "it's how you think, act, and feel") and explain that you don't think, act, or feel like a boy OR a girl. They'll have questions, but this should let them understand the main idea.
Thank you! And yeah, that seems the best idea. Just answer any questions they have along the way. I just kind of hope they take to calling me Ashe sooner rather than later. I know they they're just kids and don't mean anything by it, but I really dislike being called Patrick. It's a great name, but it's not me anymore.
