I think I'll need to explain my overall situation first before I continue. I'm starting to plan my coming out process. I've known I was male for about two months now, before then, just struggling to accept myself. I'm 14 and in my second year of highschool. I live with my mum dad and brother, in a reasonably safe area of the city. I have been seeing a school counsellor for afew months. She referred me to a youth mental health clinic who also specialise in gender identity. I have a history of social anxiety and depression and suicidal thoughts which I have been struggling with most of my life. My family are amazing and I love them more than anything. I'm pretty sure they know something's up, and they say that they won't be shocked or upset when I tell them what's wrong, and that they love me no matter what and tell me that they just want me to be happy and that they want to help me. I think they would be more or less supportive of me if I came out to them. I want to come out because I hate not being able to wear the clothes I want, or bind or shave, or anything. I hate seeing them upset when I'm angry, and I can't tell them what's up or say what would help me feel better. extremely depressive episodes have been becoming a lot stronger in the last few days, wich I've been trying to ignore, but the other day I decided to do something about it and I told the counselour about it. She said if I was having those thoughts then she needed to tell my parents. She sent me home early that day and contacted the health clinic who then informed my mum. She was incredible and was really calm and just amazing about it. So I've also been dealing with that too I guess. So far I've just told her its depression. So basically where im at right now. Any advise on what my next moves could be I'd really appreciate:icon_wink Also, because I'm gay, I'm worried how that's going to work out. I mean, if after I come out as a boy to her, she might ask, "so you like girls then?" what could I say? I'm hoping she won't ask me that, but that's just something else to worry about I guess. thanks guys!(*hug*)
I think, if they're going to be accepting, they're going to accept all aspects of you, both gender and sexuality. With something as serious as this, I suggest you take one person at a time. Having multiple people around will rattle your nerves, not to mention stress you out. Since you told your mother you're having depression, you can start with her, if you want, and mention that you want her to know the cause of the depression. Be strong. Be confident. In the case she doubts you, if you seem hesitant, she will think this is a phase. I, too, came out at fourteen - and my mother seems to think it's some minor part of me, like it doesn't affect me. Be aggressive when it comes to this. If someone says it's a phase, say it's not. And if someone tries to shrug it off, don't let them. Let them know how important this is to you. Let them as questions. But also give them time. Put yourself in their shoes - it's hard to switch perspective of someone you've known for fourteen years. Even the most accepting parents may slip up on pronouns/names - it's not because they still think you're a girl, it's because they've known you as a she and as your name for so long. There's a usual cut off time, though... if they still refuse to acknowledge you're male after a year or maybe less, it may be time to confront them again. Don't let this fade. I'm in a similar situation, so I'm trying to do it to. But I think we'll both be okay. Best of luck.
